You gave an incorrect answer to the woman whose brother passed away and her family descended on his belongings and funeral donations. You told her to forgive...nope, incorrect. She needs to place a codicil to her and her husband's wills, placing a person that they trust to immediately safeguard their house and belongings upon their death, should they die together. If the wife dies first she should protect her husband from these souvenir hunters.These are not relatives, they are vultures.
BEEN THERE

Some girls take the clothes and put them in their school lockers and change for the day.

My advice to the woman who lost her brother is to NOT LISTEN TO THE ANNIES. They often give seriously stupid advice and this is one of them. Do not forgive these disgusting people. They weren't grieving - they were stealing. You should call the police and force them to return everything. They had no legal right to enter his home and rob it after he died which is exactly what they did. Please call the police and report this hideous crime. And as Blenie pointed out you need to take steps to protect yourself as well.

Re: Blenie -- While I agree with you in priciple, I don't think putting that in the will is going to protect their homes and belongings from encroaching relatives when they die. The will is not read immediately or even before the funeral usually. So all the relatives and friends will show up to grab what they can before the will is read. I'm not sure what the answer is other than perhaps assign a trustworthy relative or friend to protect their belongings until their wills are read. A lawyer may have a better solution and perhaps this question should be raised the next time they update their wills. Perhaps it's possible to give someone power of attorney to take affect only upon their deaths and to just to make sure their written instructions are carried out before their wills are read. I would guess the person for this job would be the person they assign as executor of their wills. I'm not sure if something like that could be done, but it's worth looking into. While I wouldn't say most people would need to do this, the lw's family has already shown their true colors. You just somehow know they'll go grab what they can of this relative's belongings as soon as they can. It also might be a good idea to leave a list of items and the people who should inherit them. Let everyone know that such a list exists and that no one should take anything until given permission by the executor to take them. I wonder whether it's possible to direct the executor or the lawyer handling the settling of an estate to prosecute anyone who takes anything without permission.

1: Yes, the grandparents are the ones who need to speak up about the babysitting situation. They raised this man and they need to deal with the problem - if there is one. I wonder whether they're complaining. It could be that the lw is aware that they're having difficulties as she points out. But there may also be some jealousy involved. If she's really worried, she should talk to her in-laws to find out whether the babysitting is too much for them. If so, they should be encouraged to speak up on their own behalf or she could bring up the subject to the bil when his parents are present.

2: The lw didn't mention that the brother left a will. One would certainly think that a person diagnosed with cancer (or any other life threatening illness) would make sure they had one. Or perhaps some people think that having a will written up would "jinx" them. Maybe the brother had a very good idea of what kind of people were in his family and just decided to "leave it to them" so to speak and not write a will.

3: Regarding the clothes, I have to agree with BB. I'm 60 and I can still remember the girls who used to come into my parents "mom and pop" style grocery store when I was a young child 50 years ago. The middle and high school girls would stop in after school to lower their skirts (they had them hitched up by rolling the waistbands) and remove their makeup. The moms and dads thought their daughters were good and obedient little girls, but we saw what they were really wearing to school.

Re the plundering of the deceased's home: This is a common occurrence where people feel they are entitled to come in and just take things. If there is a will in place, the personal representative (executor) most certainly has the fiduciary responsibility to put the vultures on written notice that they have a set time within which to return the items they removed from the home. But they have to be willing to actually take the action, rather than just sit back and let things happen. If there was no will, then sorry to say, only the next of kin would have that right. Again, though, they would have to take legal action if the vultures did not return the items voluntarily.