To Dirty Debbie with the cat bowl in the sink:
1. Set a timer when you put dishes in to soak. You will remember them and deal with them when it goes off. Problem solved.
2. Tell Lenny he is in desperate need of a life. There is a big, ugly world that could use some volunteer energy, the energy he is now wasting throwing mini tantrums about dishes in the sink. Maybe if he has a larger view of the world he won't be so petty.

Setting a kitchen timer is exactly the same idea I had! (So long as she stays close enough to hear it.) She could also skip the soaking and just wash the dishes. It would take a little extra effort and hot water, but if it demonstrates good will to hubby then it might be worth it. On the other hand, yes, it is silly for him to have such a fit over such a minor thing and no doubt some volunteer work would be an excellent antidote.

2: Yes, a timer may be a good idea or even Annie's suggestion that she put them into the sink to soak before she goes to bed. She should tell hubby that if he sees the bowls in the sink, he should simply remind her to wash them right then rather than wash them himself. By immediately washing them herself when he reminds her, she will be showing her own good will. If they've been soaking, it should take her a minimum amount of time to finish washing them; so she should be willing to drop anything else she's doing and wash them immediately when hubby reminds her.
Yes, it's a small thing, but these little annoyances can gain momentum. Personally, if I want to cook, I hate seeing gross things in my sink. If I were in the husband's situation, I'd see a dirty, gross thing in my sink and I still haven't had my breakfast yet (or coffee). I'd be thinking, "Great, I haven't even had my coffee yet and I have to wash these disgusting cat dishes first." If it were just my spouse's breakfast dishes, I'd be fine. I don't like washing animal dishes along with people dishes. I'd have to wash the cat dishes and then disinfect the sink area before I could do anything else. What a thing to wake up to. I'm siding with the husband on this one.

In response to Baby Girl Born in 1955:

The idea of some kind of health info update system is fantastic, but getting birth families to participate would be nearly impossible. When my infant daughter had serious medical problems last year, my adoptive family refused to sign the papers to allow the state to contact my birth family for medical history. My birth mother was very young when I was born and I didn't want to interfere with her life, so I found her mother and called to ask for help. I never even got the chance to explain why I called before she hung up on me. Fortunately, the doctors were able to save my daughter from an inherited condition I didn't know I carried. Had I known, I would never have had biological children. My daughter will struggle with her health her entire life.

I'm sure some birth families are genuinely concerned with the well-being of the children they give up, but for a lot of us, we're just trash they threw away, not people. Expecting them to make the effort to provide medical information is asking far too much.

Don't these people have a dishwasher? I've had one in every house or apartment I've lived in since 1971. I pick up my cat's bowls every morning, let them soak if need be, and then put them in the dishwasher. With today's powerful dishwashers, I don't really need to let them soak. I bought several dessert bowls at a dollar store just for canned cat food, so they always have clean bowls. As far as the hygiene aspect, there's probably more germs on people dishes and they're more likely to catch something from us than vice versa. The fact that LW1's husband has a "cow" every morning and she still forgets sounds like she's a bit passive aggressive.

Dear God,

If I am actually able to retire someday and I turn into Lenny and stress over cat food bowls please kill me.

Thank you.

Rick

Re: baby born in 1955, it seems to me, if a person isn't smart enough to not get pregnant, they probably won't be thinking about their family history of illnesses ans diseases. So many kids under normal circumstances dont' give a hoot about grandparents, great-grands, and they certainly are not going to become more perceptive when they have a child as a teenager. Also, if a young girl is giving up her child, the chances are very slim she is even on speaking terms with the FOB, much less sitting him down and getting an entire family history. Finally, but the time the birth parents age and get to a point in their lives that they have inheireted health problems, it is probably to late to do anything in the was of prevention in the child they gave up 30-40 years before. You would have to have thoughtful, intuitive, intelligent birth parent to tally all the information an adoptive parent would need, and if the kid is that smart...they won't be getting pregnent anyway.

The attitudes in the letter and by these respondents explain why those who get pregnant and do not choose to be parents will sometimes choose abortion instead of adoption. I have worked with women in these situations and heard it many times. To give up a child takes courage and these are not all "stupid teenagers." If they felt able to be parents, they would have kept the child. For the children to demand access to their lives later has often caused great pain and disruption. A list of known family health problems at the time of birth should go with the children if possible, but to demand access to birth parents all through their lives if they do not choose it is unfair. Birth parents sometimes should just be considered and respected as a egg/sperm donors, and should be allowed their privacy if they choose. Just giving birth doesn't make someone family, and as these adopted people mature, it is to be hoped they will finally understand without judgment and condemnation. As for the comment about trash, those who really considered an unexpected child trash have actually treated them as trash, as many news stories have revealed. Those who have the child under difficult circumstances, giving him/her away when safely born have displayed a respect for life that deserves acknowledgment. As for health issues, sometimes they come out of the blue and all the records in the world won't prevent that.