Ethnically Speaking, March 8
by Larry Meeks
Dear Larry: Please respond to my letter because I have a real problem and need your help in a hurry.
My daughter, who is white, happens to be living with a black man. She has been with him for eight years, and they have three children — two boys and a girl. They are impoverished, barely getting by even with her public assistance. Her boyfriend can't/won't keep a job. He always has an excuse why he quits, gets laid off or is fired. The bottom line is he cannot get along with any b ...
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Posted by: Teri
Comment: #1
Mon Mar 10, 2008 11:23 AM
That could have been my story, except my first husband said it was a Latin thing. I wish I had left the first time he hit me, but I didn't. I fianlly left when my son was 5 years old but the damage was already done. Luckly, he realized what he was becoming and found help. I can't undo the scars this left on my children, but as adults they are breaking the cycle. I do all I can to support them and take responisbility for my part. In admitting honestly to them that I was too afraid to be on my own, we began to heal as a family. Please remember that the family has to heal as a whole, including the kids.
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Posted by: Martha
Comment: #2
Sun Mar 9, 2008 1:29 PM
It certainly is not only a black thing - or only a white thing. As you said, it is abuse.
I was married to an abuser for 36 years. Like the young woman in this letter, I blamed myself, did not have the strength to get away or the motivation - I felt this was all I deserved.
Finally I got help from my church. I left and went far far away. I lost material things, but regained my self respect. I earned my own way, and am now happily retired. I did not make the mistake of looking for a new abuser. I remained alone and am happy.
But the abusive marriage left scars on all 3 of my kids, who grew up in that kind of home. I urge this lady to get out even if only for the children's sake.
Martha
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