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Dear Dr. Rim: The letter about the little boy who could not color within the lines brought back vivid memories of my first grade art teacher. I was younger than my classmates and they had already formed their classroom cliques and friendships the second semester of the year before, in kindergarten. My names, both first and last, were different (and funny!) and I went to church on a different day than they did and I lived on 'the wrong side of the tracks,' literally . I never went to movies either, so our class was often the recipient of the small American/Christian flag desk display which was given to the class with the most children who went to church and the least who went to the movies in the previous week. I am probably the only one who made a connection between those two facts, giving myself a little of the credit because I was so very needy of feeling good about my self. I had the same problem of not being able to color within the lines and one day my teacher, whom I adored, became very impatient and slapped me. This absolutely devastated me because I knew that I couldn't stay within the lines and was already trying my best to follow her instructions. My relationship with my teachers was what I depended upon to get me through the day because I did not seem to relate well with my peers. I was already very perfectionistic and have since recognized that I am a 'frustrated perfectionist' because, while I love order and peace in my surroundings, I just want somebody else to do it for me!. LOL Of course, I realize that this is generally not possible and it becomes a self fulfilling exercise in clutter and mess in my life in every area. (Does that sentence make any sense to you?) As I was growing up my older brother, who was a classic case of ADHD(in the 40's this was not a well known situation as it is today), made it his job to keep me agitated and upset and I found that this childhood atmosphere has spilled over into my adult life and makes it very difficult to forge close, working relationships both socially and in a work environment. I just do not know how to relate to people. Without going further into the story of my life (I'm 66 years old now), I just want to say that I believe that this teacher is way out of bounds to be upset with this little boy. I have since learned that it is almost always true that little boys mature slower, especially in fine motor activity as well as other common childhood areas than girls of the same age; and given time and patience will become proficient in coloring within the lines. He should not be made to feel that he is not measuring up to his classmates in any way because at this age it can be very damaging to his already fragile self esteem. His parents do not need to badger him with special classes or treatment giving him another thing to feel different about because he will soon catch up. Their job is to love him and give him that 'soft place to fall' when he comes home with yet another picture not done up to the teacher's expectations. They need to let him know that he will get better the older he gets and that they love him no matter what his teacher says about his abilitiy to color. If the exercise is to learn colors and he is doing that well, then that is all that is necessary at this juncture. He doesn't need the extra pressure, indeed he needs to be given loving encouragement by his teacher to relax and 'just keep trying'. Teacher's sometimes have unrealistic expectations of little students like this because children are often advanced or at least equal to their classmates in other areas and it can become frustrating to their own egos when a little one seems to be less than spectacular in their particular specialty. When my teacher slapped me it became a 'defining moment' in my life and I had a very hard time getting past the hurt. Her impatience made me so nervous that my coloring became worse rather than better that day. However, I became very good at it during the next few years because it was something I learned to love. You also mentioned the inability to ask questions and I remember that I always felt stupid if I had a question about something but did not feel that way about other children who asked the same questions I had. For some reason I felt that I was 'dumb' if I had any questions about anything. It makes it hard to ask for help in a job situation because I feel that my questions will make me look inadequate. Thank goodness that I am now retired and on Social Security and do not have to fight that awful feeling. Now, if I could only get my house cleaned up! Sincerely, Tana Dutton 269-471-5287