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I was reading the letter from Still Learningand I have one thing to say, They don't get paid to pass laziness. If a kid is smart then their work will show it. Not doing a single piece of homework can say that they're not even trying and that they're not smart enough. I'm smart and I showed the world that I was willing to show it through my homework. Don't make make the teachers suffer because of the unwilliness and laziness of a kid who'll fail regardless!!

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I dated a guy like this for three years--my dream guy. A month before our wedding, his mother made him choose between the two of us. Let's just say, all I have to show for that day, is the debt. Please leave him, he will never choose you, no matter how great he is...in the end (and believe me, there is one) his mother won't be able to tolerate the fact that her 'little' boy is leaving her, and will make him stay. It's sad for everyone involved, but you can still get out and have a life.

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Married to his mother is actually married to his mother and his family. He treats her like a queen because that is how he treats everyone, except she comes after the rest of her family. If having him leave during a meal and not come back is OK with her, she should continue going with him. If she wants something more, she will not get it from him. Some men are like that. There is no need to try to change him. She should look for another type of guy and stop nagging.

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Silent in Seattle needs to be on guard with her husband if she plans to stay with him. Any man who has no qualms about propositioning his sisters-in-law may very well have NO BOUNDARIES what so ever. She needs to be sure he is never alone with their nieces (no matter what age) and she also needs to be very, very careful leaving him alone with their daughters (no matter what age). On many occasions, I have observed people that have no boundaries with their family members have no boundaries at all regarding age or position in the family. She needs to be alert as to whether he is grooming his daughters and nieces (in many cases grooming young boys too) and she needs to be aware of the personality changes that take place after incidents occur. She needs to tell her daughters that they are valuable and instruct them on inappropriate words (used to groom children), touching, etc. She needs to let them know they can tell her about anything that makes them feel bad or they think is wrong about anyone in their circle of friends or family.

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The lesson learned for repeating a boring class is Consequence. Every action has one and inaction as them also. When parents clean up every mess their children make, the children never learn about consequence, so they go through life screaming "It's not fair".

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In response to "Silent in Seattle". I really hate when a woman is treated like total crap in this manner and then she says something foolish like she is "staying married for the kids' sake". Are you? Or are you secretly still in love with a man who had shown in many ways that he does not value you. Why do you not think that you deserve to be treated better, to be vaulued and respected? Children learned by *example* You have already stated that you have daughters. Do you want them to learn by example that is okay for a man to say he loves them but then treat them as if he doesn't or do you want them to learn to cast people like that from their lives in favor of people who truly value and love them? If you had a son, would you want him learning by example ot treat women as his father has treated you? This man sound lke a faithless creep in all ways possible. Were it me, I would leave him and tell the daughter exactly why her family is broken up, because her father is a jerk who chose to break up family by being faithless. Children are not so stupid as people think and you kids likely already can sense you are not happy if they are younger and know it for a fact if they're older. Do you want to spend many miserable years "for their sake" and end up wasting life and resenting them too or make the bastard husband at least pay for their support while you go and find happiness you deserve? I'd definitely recommended counseling too. A woman who put up with such treatment needs to explore why they would allows themselves to be treated so shabbily.

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To Still Learning, I have learned one true thing as a high school teacher--that no one respects or understands what we do. Teachers are bound to state and local curriculum requirements based on sound research as to "the point" of what students should learn. (We happen to maintain discipline and act as social workers as well.) One goal is to instill a sound work ethic in our students, and to provide them the satisfying feeling of receiving rewards for successful accomplishments. We measure results, not potential. We don't always see the point in spending so much time on the students who don't want to cooperate, but we continue to try to reach them. We are preparing students not just to understand a short story or poem, but to think, make connections, act responsibly, and have success in their futures. No one gets paid unless they put in a the day's work, and we still have to stop at stop signs even if it is obvious no one is coming the other way. Real life is designed for the greater good of society, and is rarely individualized. Students who ask teachers the point of their instruction are disrespectful to the teachers' authority and exertise. These are the students who prefer movies and video games and have lost all sense of intellectual curiosity and joy of learning. Their parents try to protect them from anything difficult or painful, which learning often can be. But wait--if I think I am a better teacher than others--can I get a higher salary without putting in extra time? Individualize me too!! Teaching in Indiana

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I agree with the posters before me re: schoolwork. I teach at a college, and I have some very bright students who do not do their homework. I have had to fail some of them or to give them extremely low grades because of this. When you do not do your homework, you fall behind in the class, and if you fall behind in the class, you are not going to make it. The bright students who fail my classes in college because of laziness did not learn to do their homework when they were in K-12, unfortunately. Individualized lesson plans? Get a grip. A high school teacher can have as many as 150 students to teach. This means 150 papers/quizzes/homework assignments to grade or at least comment on *several* times a week - and that is in addition to planning lessons, doing *mounds* of paperwork, and keeping up with with the current teaching methodologies, curricular developments, etc. Yes, students do occasionally ask, "Why do we have to learn this?" The answer just may be, "Because to be a well-rounded person, you need to learn to be a quick thinker, to reason well, to understand scientific principles, to be able to think critically and understand motivations behind people's words and actions." You learn to be such a person by solving algebra problems (reasoning and quick thinking), reading literature and exploring the history of the world (critical thinking, understanding human behavior), doing experiments in physics and chemistry classes (understanding scientific principles), etc.

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Re: Lauren Wiand Bravo, Ms. Viand!

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Sorry for the typo in your name. :-(

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RE: "Not doing a single piece of homework can say that they're not even trying and that they're not smart enough." Oh, BULLSHIT. There are plenty of bright, intelligent students who don't do their homework for one reason or another. And not only are there a myriad of those reasons, the fact is that quite often, if you really ARE 'smart enough', and the teacher isn't copping out and basing the entirety or even majority of a grade on homework, failing to do even a single piece of homework isn't going to fail a child. Should teachers be willing or required to make individualized learning plans for every one of their students? No, although if there IS an IEP in place, they damn well should adhere to it without feeling 'put upon' (many learning disabilities - *gasp* something that's often behind 'smart enough' students failing to live up to expectations - are qualification for a school system to work out an Individualized Education Plan). But newsflash - teaching kids that makework, rote memorization, and 'do it because I said so' are what school is all about only drives many of those 'smart enough' kids away

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I will say that I was one of those "Smart enough" kids. I failed Geometry miserably because my learning style for maths differed horribly from my teacher's teaching style, and she would not budge an inch. I learn math through formulas. There are formulas for everything, and that is how I learn. She taught Geometry through drawing, and so had geometry books that taught that way as well. I copied page after page after page of forms and figures and tried and tried to remember which sides went where and why, but I could not understand it. She publicly ridiculed me for not "Getting it" so I quit trying, eliciting yet more public ridicule, until I quit school altogether and dropped out to get my GED. All because of that one teacher who had decided that I was "smart enough" and it wasn't worth the effort to "individualize" for me.

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That first letter writer needs to FLEA LIKE A CITIZEN IN TOKYO! She thinks his mother is a pain now? Wait until after their married and their lawn grows to a foot high because he's too busy at mommy's house, or when the old bat gets old and frail and suddenly wants to move in. She's been given some insight into a possible "future"- now use it and get the heck out!