Annie's Mailbox®, July 1
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: A few months ago, our 31-year-old son married a 27-year-old woman with two young children. They have known each other for two years. Our daughter-in-law had both children out of wedlock, each by a different father. At first, we were very concerned about this, but we have welcomed her and her children into our family.
My husband and I decided not to tell my 90-year-old father about the children's parentage. Dad is of a generation that frowns on living together before marriag ...
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Posted by: Viola Hobbs
Comment: #1
Mon Jun 30, 2008 10:25 PM
This is regarding the daughter-in-law with children by two different fathers. One can have children by one father that don't look anything a like, I did. My children's skin tone, eye color and shape, hair color and texture are completely different. Could the mother-in-law be using the children's differences to make a disguised statement to her daughter-in-law by using the great grandpa's anger and prejudice as an excuse? Sending pictures to him doesn't mean that he's going to call them. They don't have to allow anything but one-way communication with him. Most 90 year-old's won't or can't make the effort to write or call. Signed-Seeing it another way.
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Posted by: Zen
Comment: #2
Tue Jul 1, 2008 9:38 AM
If I were Concerned Mother, I'd tell my kids the truth. If they're old enough that drinking is ready to become a reality (whether underage or not), they're old enough to face certain facts. I knew long before I was old enough to drink legally that there was a history of alcoholism in my family, and therefore there was a predisposition for me to fall into the same trap. A DUI one of my parents incurred after a holiday party when I was still young gave me a clear view of some of the potential results of heavy drinking - and that parent never failed to remind me that they were LUCKY; the cops pulled them over before they had the chance to accidentally hurt someone else or themselves. My partner's history puts him in a similar boat.
As a result of having some basic facts put before us in a straightforward manner, both of us are very careful about drinking. He abstains completely; I make sure I never drink without being in the company of a friend or family member I can trust to put the breaks on if I seem to be drinking too much (and as a lightweight, any insistence to drink more than one or two glasses of wine is definitely too much). We have a couple of friends also with similar circumstances ('quiet' alcoholism seems to be much more prevalent than people think) who share our behaviors and concerns.
Sure, some kids are going to be stupid and think they're invincible and that nothing can touch them. That's half of what being a teenager is all about - being stupid. But most kids are going to look at any evidence they've seen (and even young kids pick up a lot more than adults give them credit for), look at any facts that are given to them without pussyfooting around, and make intelligent, safe decisions.
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