Annie's Mailbox®, April 26
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: Several years ago, my husband quit drinking. He did not discuss his decision with me or anyone else. He does not attend AA meetings.
"Bob" has become an attentive partner and a man I love and respect deeply, but he also has become reclusive. He will gladly spend time with me and our adult children, but nobody else. We never get invited anywhere anymore because we have turned down every invitation. Now he is avoiding events that include extended family. He is talki ...
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4 Comments | Post Comment
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Posted by: Marcia barton
Comment: #1
Sat Apr 26, 2008 11:09 AM
Re: Rachel Grogan
I sympathize with both the younger and older siblings. In my case, I'm the younger, and more importantly, my older sister is the one who is like the tasmanian devil of relationships. Fifteen years after her decision to leave the entire family, she's chosen to "mend fences" with only me. Because she falsely called Child Services on us when my first child was 3 months old, my husband and I have decided she's just not worth the risk. Sorry. I wish I had a sister. If the only one I have is this one, I'll pass.
This writer might need to ask him/herself if that's the case here. It's sad, but nothing would be more tragic than inviting more of the same. The definition of insanity applies here: when I see a hole, now I walk AROUND it.
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Posted by: Rachel Grogan
Comment: #2
Sat Apr 26, 2008 6:30 AM
There might be a more successful approach for "Missing him in Texas" to take. If her brother didn't accept an invitation to her wedding then a phone call may be too much for him. He could screen the call or otherwise ignore her attempt. Most people find personal mail irresistable and they can read it without feeling the need to respond immediately. There's much less pressure. She might find him more receptive to a phone call after sending a letter when he's more prepared for a conversation.
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Posted by: joseph m walsh
Comment: #3
Sat Apr 26, 2008 9:01 AM
in reply to isolated, i too quit drinking and stopped going to social functions. not because of being tempted to drink but because without drinking i became introverted. i rarely interact with my own family. it's the price i am paying to not drink. i tried AA but it's just not for me. my wife does not let it interfer with her going out which is good. i do go to private therapy to help deal with this issue.
over 3 years sobreity and counting,
joe
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Posted by: Paula Thomas
Comment: #4
Sun Apr 27, 2008 6:21 AM
Like Joseph and Bob, I had my last drink 10 years ago. And like Joseph and Bob, in losing the alcohol I lost the liquid courage to go to social events. Additionally I live with the shame when I was drinking and the incredible stupid things that I did and said during those years. Of the events that I can remember, most included alcohol and usually I made an ass out of myself. I have been medicated for social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder and depression. Shame is a debilitating disorder that does not have a pill that can fix it and make it better. Cut Bob some slack. He is a good person who realized what he needed to do, did it and is living his life the best that he can. I suspect the people that Bob is avoiding are some of the same ones that he drank to make being around them tolerable.
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