Annie's Mailbox®, April 22
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our 40s. We have been married for 15 years and had a marriage most people would envy. We have no children.
My husband recently admitted to an indiscretion with a woman he has known for four years. This is not a woman he would ever take out in public. His pursuit of her was purely for sex. Once it happened, he never saw her again. (She confirmed this.) He only confessed because he developed a medical problem and was scared.
We are now separated ...
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Posted by: Kay
Comment: #1
Mon Apr 21, 2008 11:39 PM
Just read your response to "Never (Ever) A Guy," and one thing really irked me: "Try to be less defensive." While I am female, and fortunate enough to be 5'3" and 125 lbs, my best friend through grammar school and high school was a woman who was also quite masculine in appearance. Despite what we did to "pretty her up" as she called it, she never had a date for the proms, or for any other events, for that matter. The one thing that did help her was counseling, but what she learned from her counselor was to be LESS defensive - to stop letting people "talk down" to her, and instead, to let them know that they were wrong, and that she wasn't going to take it from them.
As we all did, I watched many of my peers be picked on through grammar school, middle and high school, and the "teasing" only gets worse if the victim allows it to continue.
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Posted by: Christina
Comment: #2
Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:47 PM
Dear Kay,
Thank you for your response; I completely agree. My counselor has actually recommended I begin confronting those people who speak openly (and at regular conversational volume or louder) concerning how I'm "really a guy." I have found this difficult to do, but at the same time it's been empowering when I have told people that I find their remarks extremely offensive. I'v also simply said, "Actually, I am a woman," and just left it at that. Often, the people seem truly amazed that I've even heard their conversation, which I find amazing. I'm only a few feet away, after all! Grief, obliv and rude, what a combination. Thanks for your words, though, as the defensive part can have many aspects to it - and believe me, after 13 years of this stuff, I've tried everything. The less defensive thing isn't as easy as some would think, nor is it easily "accepted" when others find me disgusting and gross - and even say so in my presence.
Best Regards,
Never (Ever) A Guy
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