Annie's Mailbox®, April 20
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I am a 40-year-old single woman who happens to have broad shoulders. In my 30s, people occasionally joked that I looked like a guy, and over the years, it's gotten progressively worse. Although I do my best to be feminine (hair, makeup, nails, dresses, etc.), it doesn't help because folks sometimes think I'm a drag queen.
Annie, it's awful. I've experienced harassment at work. Although I reported it, my former boss fired me out of fear of being sued. When it happened at my ...
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Posted by: Norma Olson
Comment: #1
Mon Apr 21, 2008 4:14 PM
Broad shoulders might benefit from attending a workshop designed to develop one's self esteem. Confessing to being a virgin at 40 sounds like she is blaming her shoulders on lack of male company. She CAN overcome. Also, a sense of humor goes along way to deflate her tormentors. She might laugh and agree with them and say that her shoulders are soaking wet from all the tears that have been cried on them. Although she dresses femininely there is a lot that can be done to change the viewer's focus to another area, perhaps the hips with low slung belts or scarves. Longer skirts. A-line skirts would give her an hourglass figure. Vertical lines, V-necks, one clolor head to toe. keeping dark colors at the top if mixing tops and bottoms. A hairstyle to frame the face giving a better proportion of head to shoulder. I'm sure there are consultants in her area that can work with her--we all have faults and have been harassed. Beat them at their game. Laugh and agree. Show them your friendly, comfortable personality. Hard work at 40, but she can succeed.
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Posted by: Matt
Comment: #2
Sat Apr 19, 2008 11:44 PM
My heart goes out to the broad-shouldered woman. I am having trouble believing, much less understanding, why so many people would be driven to say such a hurtful thing - to make constant unsolicited comments on her appearance. It makes me wonder why her co-workers cannot simply keep their comments to themselves and do the jobs they are being paid to do. Such petty and immature people make the day very long indeed.
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Posted by: Bettina Markham
Comment: #3
Sun Apr 20, 2008 10:24 AM
While I don't condone anyone's behaviour, and I definitely don't believe in blaming the victim, it is possible that she is overdoing the make-up, hair, nails, etc. which is often the case with men in drag. I have known men in drag, and aside from their broad shoulders and adams apple, it's usually possible to pick them out because they have too much make-up on, too many scarves, too much jewelry, too many clothes designed to hide their bodies, etc. We don't always see ourselves the same way others see us. I have a friend who thinks her make-up is fantastic and it's the same make-up I taught her to do twenty years ago when we were in high school. It looks ridiculous on a forty year old woman. Perhaps a consultation with an expert in the beauty field could go a long way towards making her look more like a woman and less like a man in drag.
I also must say that I definitely don't agree with the poster who said to make comments back. When has more negativity made a situation better?
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Posted by: Ann
Comment: #4
Sun Apr 20, 2008 11:41 AM
I also think that talk to a good stylist can help, we all see how celebrities looked like before stylists, plastic surgeons, trainers etc. started to work on them, that just shows that it is possible to make pretty woman out of anyone and that working on your looks with professionals can go a long way
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Posted by: GeGe
Comment: #5
Sun Apr 20, 2008 1:34 PM
I am a tall, athletic woman with broad shoulders. I was a college athlete and have continued to train. When I dress up in a skirt and heels, I think I look like my brother. I was teased horribly in school, and had no dates. I met my husband at a baseball game--he seems amazed that I've been mistaken for a guy. My husband is 6'4'', 230 pounds--when I'm next to him my shoulders don't seem so big.
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Posted by: Marjorie Newton
Comment: #6
Sun Apr 20, 2008 4:44 PM
broad shoulders is not enough to be taken for a man, there must be more going on and what is getting worse? the "joking" or the looking like a man? This woman might benefit from a complete check up by an Endocrinologist. She may have a hormone imbalance that can be treated. It is worth looking into. I have wide shoulders too. but men always said they were sexy.
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Posted by: Chris
Comment: #7
Sun Apr 20, 2008 6:30 AM
My heart also goes out to the broad-shouldered woman whose co-workers (and presumably perfect strangers) feel the need to make unsolicited and harassing comments about her appearance. People can be so rude and insensitive; especially in this youth & beauty obsessed culture. Rather than suffer in silence, however, this woman needs to take control and stop being a victim. She should simply respond to any rude comments in kind. Nobody is perfect. Simply size up the person who makes a rude comment and zero in on any physical anomaly and then dryly bring it up directly by asking innocent sounding questions abut it. Feel free to bring up a rude commenter's excessive weight, colored or thinning hair, lopsided breasts, or terrible fashion sense. If you can't spot a noticeable physical flaw to attack, then go for the intellect...pretty people are always afraid they're stupid. This will deflect the rude comments and stop such rude people in their tracks.
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Posted by: Charles Knott
Comment: #8
Sun Apr 20, 2008 7:37 AM
We had a woman at our work who was broad shouldered (she was just a big person). She was also gay, but she got along with everybody. Every one loved her. She took retirement not too long ago, and we all miss her. I cannot condone anyone calling someone a transvestite (or anything else) in this day and age. Instead of pulling out her birth certificate, she should be pulling out lawsuit papers for these jerks.
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