Annie's Mailbox®, April 19
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: Five years ago, my mother came to live with us. Our children are grown and I was looking forward to being alone with my husband, but Mom refused to go to a senior facility. Since I hadn't lived with her for over 40 years, she seemed like an intruder. She and I did not have the best relationship when I was growing up, but somehow she has forgotten that and tells everyone we're just alike. This bothers me because I have spent my whole life trying not to be like her.
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Posted by: Judith Fowler
Comment: #1
Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:59 AM
Please, I was to comment on the letter from "Miffed Sister." I used to be in her position. When my parents were in their last years, I had the brunt of their care. My siblings did little. To be fair, my sister did what she could. Too many times I heard "call me if you need me," then it'd be every excuse in the book whey they couldn't or wouldn't come. Too many times some siblings are content to let one carry the main load while they go their merry way and enjoy life and do as little (or nothing) as possible to help. Nobody offered to give me a day, or part of a day or weekend off. I'd hear this garbage about "how tired and terrible I look, I need to get out, needed rest, they'd PRAY for me, blah blah." Then after our Mom died, I'm told "how worried they were about me, was afraid I'd snap, blah, blah." It was too late, then.
Unless "Miffed Sister's" siblings undergo a major attitude change, she need not expect any help from them.
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Posted by: Karen Coughlin
Comment: #2
Sat Apr 19, 2008 6:02 AM
Re: Judith Fowler
What she needs to do is state to the siblings"I will be having mom from March through July (depending on how many siblings there are), What months can we put you down for? When they balk,and they will, firmly explain that it is not fair for you to bear the total burden all the time and that you and your husband have a life too. If this does not go over it might be time for a family pow-wow to discuss the idea of assisted living but with all siblings attending. Many older adults who need help state they do not want to go to assisted living but once there, find a social life and friends, outings etc, which adds much more to their life than sitting around all day while the rest of the family works.
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