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In your April 18 response to Scared and Frustrated in the Carolinas you indicated that "Sam's" controlling behaviors were "signs of a potential abuser." Controlling and isolating behaviors are actual forms of abuse. In a recent study done at a battered women's shelter in Santa Fe, NM they were found to be the most prevalent forms of abuse, far outnumbering incidents of physical or sexual violence. The isolation created by a controlling partner is what makes it difficult (impossible?) for a victim to break away from the violence. Such behaviors need to be named as the abuse they are. The Rev. Dr. James Leehan Santa Fe, NM Author: Pastoral Care for Survivors of Family Abuse Westminster/John Knox Press