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I agree with Kate 100% and I hope she can be happy that she didnt stay with her husband the rest of her life. I can only imagine how horrible that must feel, to live so many years in a lie. I dont understand how someone can be so cruel and waste someones life like that. I can only imagine what that can do to a womans self esteem and psychological health. I hope this woman will get rid of that man as soon as possible, the only thing her husband can do, if he cares about her at all, is to tell her the truth. Better late than never.

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Re: Kate You said it. Good luck with putting your life back together. I hope you took him for every dime. If he had been stealing money from you he'd get jail time but for stealing you life he gets a pat on the back. That's not right.

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Would your advice be the same if this guy was sexually attracted to a younger woman? Would you tell him that the "honest" and "right" thing thing was to break his vows to his wife of twenty-five years and destroy the lives of his children just so he could experience "sexual satisfaction" with someone else? This man married his wifeof his own free will and built a life with her. Since he met her in graduate school and is now 50, they've lived together for 25 or so years. He brought two children into the world. He made commitments to these three people, and you advise him to wreck the lives of innocent people so he can have sex with someone to whom he's developed a fleeting attraction. That's just lovely. Real grown-ups understand that they have responsibilities to their loved ones and it's not all about satisfying their own physical urges whenever the chance presents itself. The honorable thing is to live up to one's promises and responsibilities even when it's not especially fun or "sexually satisfying." What bothers me is that some people actually agree with your advice. How unfortunate for their spouses or life partners.

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To “Still In the Closet”: Shame on you for lying to and marrying a woman when you KNEW. What a selfish p**** you are! What gave you the right to make a unilateral decision regarding her life. My husband did that to me. I am still trying to overcome the emotional and psychological devastation he wreaked on my life. He took ten years of my life and treated me with apathy (at best) because he was a coward. So are you. Give her the courtesy and respect she deserves and be honest with her. If she gets angry with you remember that you brought it on yourself by perpetuating a lie of enormous proportion. Take the financial hit, you shallow twerp, so that she too can have an opportunity to find someone that actually loves her as more than a "breeder."

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Thank you to those that support me. It has been been almost 4 years since my divorce. In fact I did not take him for everything he was worth. I settled at a financial loss. It was more important for me to make a clean break. And I did not want to create bitterness with his family, whom I still love very much. My life is mostly back in order. As of a few months ago I started dating again, but I struggle with trust issues. Because of my experience I don't ever see myself being married again. My heart breaks for all those that are duped into marriage based on a lie regardless of what the lie is/was. Clearly, this one struck a particular chord with me.

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Insulted in Pennsylvania should do what I do: Don't go to the bridal shower. I had a small wedding and no shower. I think showers in this day and age are just a way to get expensive gifts, not a way to celebrate the bride. Most brides today don't need the gifts to set up housekeeping. I'm old enough to remember when showers were small, not given by relatives, and gifts were inexpensive. Can you image bringing a salad spinner to today's shower? If someone has the bad manners to criticize your non-attendance, just say: "Thank you for your opinion." It's worked for me my entire adult life. Life is too short to spend an entire day at a wedding shower.

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For "Still In THe Closet" ... Annie's advice is right on ! Chances are your wife and children already suspect your relationship with your other guy is a gay attraction. Financial ruin--yes, it will happen, but you can start over, I did. Don't be afraid to do it. Your childen will resent you, for awhile, but face it, if they are teenagers, they don't want anything to do with parents anyhow. I cherished the time I had with my kids when they were younger, but as teenagers, they go their own way, no matter if their dad is straight, or gay. They'll get over it with time. Mine have not yet, and they're missing out spending time with a still-great dad, but it's their loss. THOUSANDS of men our age have faced this, and it's best if you and your ex--are set free to be allowed to be yourself. GET COUNSELING form other gay men--through a center, doctor, or even gay support groups. Gay - affirming churches will help you through this process of transformation, my church parish is the single most important counseling experience I have. YOU DON"T HAVE TO GO IT ALONE. From the sounds of it, you already have support from your new man in your life. GO FOR IT! Jeffrey Alexander

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I have a question to your response to “Still In the Closet” as well as every response you've given to people in the similar situation is; why is it okay for a man (or woman) to leave their spouse and children, break up their family, and devastate peoples lives to pursue happiness with another person as long as it's for a homosexual relationship? Would you give this same advice to a heterosexual person? Would you tell a heterosexual, married, man or woman whose relationship wasn't sexually satisfying or loving to leave their spouse for someone else?