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The marriage to Jim is already dead. A woman with children old enough to be on their own is old enough to stand up for herself. She is living with constant aggravation and can't even have her own daughter live with her. Maybe her daughter gets on her husband's nerves or is disrespectful and maybe she doesn't see that; but she is being disrespected in her own home. What has this man got that makes her put up with this? Grandma needs to send out daughter and son-in-law for an afternoon away from the kids and the foster children. She should pitch in more than just visit them at her daughter's house. When she better understands what's going on, then she can decide what to do. I can imagine the hell that the kids are going through and I can tell you the consequences can be devastating to these kids' adulthood. And, infants can be aware of the discord in the house. They may be physically cared for, but I'll bet they aren't getting any emotional support, either. This can stunt their ability to relate to other people just like orphans in Russian orphanages who have been cared for physically and neglected in all other ways.