Join the Discussion

Reply
Report this post

Dear Sara, I read so much of my story in your letter. My mother is a classic narcissist, and it took me until my fifties to realize that she would never understand or even want to understand me. For years I continued to seek her approval and validation, but to no avail . Finally, with the help of therapy, meditation, and medication, I came to realize that affirmation had to come from within me. As a recovering bulimic, I know how an eating disorder serves as a coping mechanism and a way of repressing and diverting painful feelings. You sound very strong, but remain careful and aware. Stay with your therapy and medication as long as it is helping you (but don't be afraid to change therapists at some point if you outgrow yours or to adjust your medication). I think Annie's advice is excellent, but be aware that even if your mother agrees to attend therapy, she may not change her attitudes. Work with your therapist on reinforcing your boundaries and finding other sources of affirmation than your parents - work, friends, hobbies, pets, and most important - yourself. Let go of the past and the need to be approved. And let whatever faith you follow give you further strength. Your letter was very inspiring, and the many thousands of people with whom you have shared your story surely gained new hope. Thank you for writing it. Elizabeth

Reply
Report this post

Hi Sara---My heart goes out to you. I am 66 years old, and have been in and out of therapy for a long time--(the last six months)--I have a wonderful counselor now--I was on Lexapro for 3 months after my "meltdown"--which frightened me. Do to a wonderful Dr--she's a PA and was wonderful to me, and now a superb and caring counselor I feel like I can now handle life without feeliing guilty or insecure. I disagree with the ladies as to bringing your Mother along, but one thing you need to know is that there are thousands of people who have depression, untreated, and it can ruin your life. It is said to admit that at this age--I finally realize how to "live my life". We don't ALWAYS have to tell anyone how we handle our life. VERY GOOD LUCK TO YOU SARA. OLD LADY FROM THE PLAINS.

Reply
Report this post

On the piece about the woman's husband who took care of the 3-year-old child, and when she was 3, asked why "Daddy didn't love her, etc." And when the wife mentioned this to him, he lunged out at the daughter, to put his hands around her neck. Why didn't Annie tell her he should have anger management control therapy? Annie should not have said "she may still want love and recognition from him," words to that affect. The wife should stay away and have the father have visiting rights with the mother included. Also, Annie should have said the father I was an abused child. My father latched out at me. I didn't want love, etc. I just wanted to get away from him!

Reply
Report this post

Even with all the publicity about stars with depression and being on antidepressants, there is still a stigma about taking medication for such problems. I've heard Judge Judy ask people in her court if they are on medication - implying they were acting strange and must have a psychiatric problem. I'm pretty open with my depression because people who know me know that I spent two years in bed before my husband finally got me to go for therapy. With a combination of intensive group day therapy, individual talk therapy and anti-depressants, I am up and functioning. Of course, if they think I'm acting strange, I am sure they think something about depression and the medications is very, very creepy. LOL My mother told me that if I kept teaching kids with emotional disabilities I would end up crazy. Was she right?