Annie's Mailbox®, July 19
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I appreciate the honesty of "Tired of Paying," the 50-something single man who said women should pay their share on a first date. He said he was looking for a woman who is well-read, can carry on a stimulating conversation and has a great sense of humor. However, any sympathy I had ended when he added, "Unless you are a young, hot supermodel, don't expect a free lunch." It's nice to know everything else is worthless. I'd like to thank him for confirming my wors ...
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7 Comments | Post Comment
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Posted by: Alisa
Comment: #1
Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:50 PM
"Tired of Paying" is a typical male asshole. Guys: if your not paying for the date, don't expect any sexual favors of any kind. I for one do not feel obligated to oblige for any cheap ass guys. That old adage is true: You get what you *pay* for.
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Posted by: Mercedes Carter
Comment: #2
Sat Jul 19, 2008 11:03 PM
Re: Bob
Bob, after reading you comment, I'm impressed. You should write a book or something. And guys, you may never know if that woman is Ms. Right if you show her the wrong way on the first date. Pay regardless to show her you're a gentleman not something esle
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Posted by: Mercedes Carter
Comment: #3
Sat Jul 19, 2008 11:08 PM
Re: Bob: I'm impressed with Bob's comment. Pay regardless, guys. You may never know if she's Ms. Right because she might sees you as Mr. Wrong if you make her pay for her share. Unless she willing to pay for her share, then offer to pay the bill
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Posted by: Matt
Comment: #4
Sat Jul 19, 2008 2:08 AM
Re: Alisa Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:50 PM: So you're saying that it's OK for the guy to expect sexual favors from you if he DOES pay for the date? Tell me I'm wrong here, but it makes you sound like a prostitute. Because this is precisely the reason that dating sites advise men against spending too much on the first date - there's too much room for the woman to be left thinking that he views the date as nothing more than a business arrangement - gifts & meals in exchange for sex. Tell me I read that wrong, Alisa - that you don't perform sexual favors in exchange for dinner.
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Posted by: Matt
Comment: #5
Sat Jul 19, 2008 2:12 AM
As a follow-up to my earlier post, let me reiterate what I said when "Tired's" letter was first published last month. I said that I always pay for the first few dates - for everything or at least the maximum extent that the woman will allow. To demonstrate that this really is a gift and not transactional, I simply choose "cheap dates" - coffee or lunch followed by a walk through the mall or something. It kills two birds with one stone - I'm out a measly ten bucks or so, and she doesn't go away thinking I'm trying to buy my way into bed. Because I'm not. I only date women with whom I'm actually potentially interested in having a full-blown serious relationship, emotional connections and all...and to that end I always choose activities which allow us time to talk and get to know one another. The whole point is to discover if we're compatible...and to have fun!
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Posted by: Donny G
Comment: #6
Sat Jul 19, 2008 4:07 PM
I wrote the article that got slammed today. So tell me ladies, did you ever pick up the check? Like most of you I could write a book about my adventures in dating. I could never decide if it would be listed under comedy, drama, or horror. Like girl whose idea of social drinking is to hook two double shots of tequlia. I was thinking more of blind dates, why should I take the gamble on someone who turns out to be trailer trash. If I were to meet you in person and we became friends and I asked you out then yes of course I would pay. Not to say I need to pay weekend after weekend, dated after date. I have dated about 30 women since my divorce. two insisted on paying their own way. Two with class out of thirty. Get real ladies, I'm not that horney.
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Posted by: Bob
Comment: #7
Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:35 PM
Dude... it should not matter whether it is a blind date or not. Don't you understand why you (and often we men in general) get slammed for our "view" of women?
You need to get off your fixation on looks. Looks are temporary and should be a minor factor in choosing your life partner,. ...believe me. My first wife was a Prom Queen... literally. She was also a "Daddy's girl," spoiled, insecure, whiney and completely self involved. My current (and most certainly my last) wife is probably only a 6 on the "looks" scale... but a 10 out of 10 when it comes to integrity, compassion, loyalty, sexuality, personality, sense of humor, confidence, willingness to pitch in when things get rough and being an all around good sport and best friend. Average THOSE scores together and she's a goddess!
Of course, by your standards, if you had had a "blind date" with my wife... you would never have had the chance to learn about ANY of those qualities because you wouldn't have paid for that first date and she would have figured you for what you are... a stingy yam head.
Your loss... my gain (and I am sure a big part of the reason you are still single).
And GENTLEMEN... As for who pays on a first date....
If you ask her out, you pay... period.
If she asks YOU out... you still pay... period.
Why? Respect, courtesy, ... it's what "Gentlemen" do.
First dates are about putting your best foot forward and trying to get to know someone. She is "judging" your suitability as a partner just as much as you are judging her. It's a two way street here... at least as long as your big yam head isn't blocking the road.
AFTER the first date... then work out whatever you both feel comfortable with and if you think she is more of a "taker" than a "giver" you'll figure it out. But if you can't afford to treat a lady on the first date... then quit dating. From the sound of it I don't think you'll be disappointing anybody.
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