Annie's Mailbox®, July 15
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I'm a high-school student. Recently, my uncle "Joe" and I have been hanging out a lot. He gives me rides to school and picks me up from after-school activities. He also takes me to summer programs. He's a lifesaver because my mother hates to drive me and I'm in a lot of activities.
Anyway, about two months ago, during one of our drives home, Uncle Joe confided that he was seeing another woman. This made me really uncomfortable because my aunt, his wife, is about t ...
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Posted by: hannele
Comment: #1
Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:15 AM
If Too Much Information is a female teenager she needs to tell her Mother immediately about her uncle. He is telling her things that are inappropriate and he has crossed many boundaries confiding in her. He is using tactics called grooming - if she keeps this secret - perfect - she will keep any inappropriate behavior directed towards her a secret also and he is all the while drawing her nearer to him. Then he can really pour on the grooming - either by telling her she is so nice, trustworthy, beautiful, escalating to touching her without her permission at the same as saying either "You trust me, don't you?" or "You are so nice. or "You are beautiful", I'm glad I can confide in you - I have no one else". This creep is preparing her for the inevitable - there is no other conclusion for this type of behavior. Her FATHER needs to tell him to lay off and the girl needs to never be left alone with this man again. Her aunt also needs to know the potential problems in store for her - what age is he targetting. Is he a pedophile? He has no boundaries and he is dangerous. I would also recommend that if TMI is a boy he tell his father too.
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Posted by: Dewie
Comment: #2
Tue Jul 15, 2008 7:06 AM
Why does Uncle Joe have so much free time, anyhow? With 2 babies and a wife to support he should be working, not driving a teenager around. I so agree with hannele! The aunt should know what a creep she's married to, but not have to hear it from a child.
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Posted by: COOKINFOOL
Comment: #3
Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:18 AM
They're right! Does Uncle Joe not have a JOB??? Any ADULT friends??? He's looking for trouble. She needs to high-tail it away from him ASAP. AND to tell her parents exactly what he has been telling her. Then let THEM handle the situation with the aunt and dear ol' Uncle Joe!
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Posted by: COOKINFOOL
Comment: #4
Tue Jul 15, 2008 8:49 AM
Annie, you missed a lot of what was "unsaid but implied" by Sad Grandpa. Surely you don't think that is "all about" not getting a meal, do you? Wake up. I know of a situation JUST LIKE THAT ONE and there's WAY more than just that going on. It's more like .... not only does she not have any food available when they come (KNOWING they were coming for weeks) and having enough money to buy a good amount of groceries if so desired) if there is food there, she won't fix it, the mom (or dad) will have to go in there and prepare it if they want anything to eat, while she sits outside on the porch smoking or talking on her cell phone, or if there's nothing there and the parents are finally starving and suggest going out for a bite, they also have to pick up the tab for everyone (every time); the sheets on the beds they are expected to sleep on are filthy and haven't been changed in months, even though she knew well in advance that they were coming, the bathroom is nasty and they can't even take a bath unless they hunt down some cleaning products (if any are available) and clean it themselves; she won't have decent clothes or shoes for the kids (they'll be wearing hand-me-downs that are 2 sizes too big or too small and underwear that are falling apart) but she'll come in from the tanning salon with her acrylic nails freshly done, hair freshly done and a new purse and a carton of cigarettes; the pile of dirty clothes in the filthy laundry room is chest-high and the kids are in there digging through it trying to find something to wear while she goes to play tennis with her next door neighbor. This is the SAME daughter that comes to their house and expects to be waited on hand and foot, sits her rear on the couch while mom works in the kitchen to make a nice, home-cooked meal and then sits her rear down on the couch again after eating while mom cleans up the kitchen, never offering to lift a finger to help. Then complains if they run out of Diet Coke because she's already consumed a 12 pack in the 3 days she's been there. Then jumps up and runs out to go visit her girlfriends without so much as asking if mom and dad mind watching the kids for the next 6 hours (or 2 days) and gets mad and storms out if they say they have an appointment to go that afternoon that they can't take the kids to. If you can't already tell - BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. Sad Grandpa, you do whatever it is you need to do and don't feel the least bit bad about it. Try to stay in touch with the grandchild, but don't be surprised if she does everything in her power to come between you and that child, as a way to manipulate and use you. You have my sypathies and total understanding.
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Posted by: Aurora
Comment: #5
Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:49 AM
Too Much Information needs to get away from Uncle Joe. He is letting her know he is available. It may be all lies that he is seeing other women. Too Much needs to tell her parents and let them handle Uncle Joe, She needs to be prepared that Uncle Joe is going to deny all of this. If she is concerned he will lie out of it and no will will believe her, she needs to get a same tape recorder and tape him, if that is at all possible. She needs to find other ways to get to her activities.
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