It's possible that "Sue" wasn't thrilled to have a female friend of "Bob's" come and stay "for a while." I wonder if Vancouver invited herself. Was she a considerate guest? Did she overstay her welcome? My guess that her "staying for a while" is what put "Sue" off. As for the mutual friend who had fallen off the face of the earth, why was she trying to involve "Bob" and "Sue" in her plans to visit him? Had he even invited them or was she planning on dropping in on him without warning. I think she overdid the visit and needs to continue sending cards and notes and holding off on calls, especially since the "Bob" and his wife don't seem to be as enthusiastic about them as she is. She has to deal with Bob and Sue as a couple and couples have different agendas than single friends going to the same college.

If Bob has never been that great at initiating contact than that's a clear indication he's not interested in maintaining a friendship. I am not going to push this off on Sue and say it's because she was a *former* friend of Bobs. Bob has made it quite clear he no longer desires the friendship and since he has never been that great at initiating contact it sounds like he never has.

Bob is married to Sue now. They live a different life and they are not interested in pursuing/maintaining freindship with you. Just stop all contact and don't make any plans to visit. They've moved on and you should too.

Oh please... It is obvious that the Sue doesn't want Vanc over there to visit or anything else to do with her. Just move on and make new friends. Know your boundaries, he is a married man. Leave him alone, drop them completely and go on with your life.

I don't see anything wrong with the LW contacting the mutual friend, but there's no need to insist that Bob and Sue be involved, too. Why can't she contact him on her own?