Dear Margo:We need Help fast. My 30 year old stepdaughters' 50 year old live-in boyfriend sent us an email announcing their engagement, a pending trip to India for Silk, and wanting to know how much her dad was gonna give them for the wedding (of which no date is set). "…would it be 35%, 55% or 95%" he asks but gives no clue about expected total, but could we give it to them now. We have both been unemployed since Novemeber, my husband lost his job while we were trying to have a mobile home put on our property, and we have been living in a 5th wheel ever since. (this is May) It's is also implied that if we don't pay for the wedding we won't be invited. When he called his daughter was sleeping and wouldn't come to the phone. What would your advice be? Father/daughter relations have always been strained but this may take the wedding cake. Do we sell the farm to get invited to this wedding?
Homeless and then some,
Penny

Penny-
I know you asked for Margo's help, but since I'm here and she's not, here's what I think for what it's worth. If your stepdaughter and her fiance can make a trip to India, they can pay for a wedding. Futhermore, someone marrying after living independently together and well into adulthood should be paying for their own wedding anyway. No one is obligated to pay toward someone else's wedding, they do so because they are able, which you are not, and want to, which after this I personally wouldn't. He sounds like a boor, and I strongly suspect that the reason your stepdaughter was "sleeping" when your husband called was that her fiance knew she would be appalled to find out he was trying to roll her dad, so he didn't tell her Dad was on the phone. You should inform her of the situation ASAP, and if she does nothing or knows and doesn't care, that's her option, but I suggest that your and your husband's contribution to this wedding fit your name...and maybe throw at "Not A" on the front of it. If that means you're not invited so be it, as much as that hurts, because it shows you how much she wanted you there in the first place.