When a Father Can't Quite Hack It
by Margo Howard
Dear Margo: My parents have been divorced since I was 3. I'm in my 30s now and still feel bad about the fact that my father seems to disappear from my life for long periods of time. Several years ago I tried to contact him, and I found out that all three e-mail addresses, both phone numbers and the mailing address I had for him were wrong. I sent a Father's Day package and got it back with the new address written on it. I sent it to the new place, but I didn't hear from him. (This was after a ...
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Posted by: Pat
Comment: #1
Fri Jan 9, 2009 10:59 AM
Moon's remark about the dad may very well be correct. If so, it is important for his daughter to know. His behavior is obviously very hurtful to the LW and it doesn't seem likely that she'll ever get a clear answer. I suggest she forget about trying to contact him or trying to buy his interest/love with gifts. If he makes contact, I'd suggest she be cordial but take his promises with the proverbial grain of salt. She doesn't mention whether she has any contact with relatives from his side of her family. If so, perhaps they could give her some insight regarding the bipolar issue.
In regard to the office worker whose colleague spends time talking on the phone to his children in the office for all to hear, what does her employer have to say about this practice? Most of the people I know who work in offices are told to limit personal calls to emergencies only during their work time. Any personal calls are supposed to be done during their regular breaks. The employer is paying this guy to work, not talk to his kids or other family members or friends. If he's going into the conference room with some of them, he's spending a lot of time on those calls too. He may be trying to keep his personal things private from his co-workers and figures the calls to his kids don't involve things he wants to hide from anyone. It sounds as though this guy is spending a lot of time doing personal stuff and not working. The fact that his calls to his children are distracting his co-workers (12 people for 15 minutes on average is 3 hours of work time per day). I don't think the employer wants to pay for 3 hours of lost work time each and every day. Someone in the office should point this out to the guy as Margo suggested. If the calls don't end during work time, the employer should be told. Perhaps she should keep a log (day, start and end time of the calls) of all his personal calls for a week or two. Then I'd tell the employer and let the chips fall where they may. If it's legal, I'd suggest she record one or more of these calls as proof of the time being spent on the calls in case such proof is needed.
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Posted by: Moon
Comment: #2
Fri Jan 9, 2009 7:01 AM
I wonder if dad is just irresponsible or if he is possibly bipolar? That sounded an awful lot like manic/depressive swings to me. Not that if he is makes him more responsible, but if it is she should know because it MAY affect her or her children later.
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Posted by: Pat
Comment: #3
Mon Jan 12, 2009 6:57 AM
I can appreciate how annoying having to listen to "child speak" can be in a small office on a daily basis. Bring in a tape recorder, tape a weeks worth of these conversations, and leave it on his desk with a note that says"Please listen to this tape. When you have finished hearing it from start ot finish, ask yourself if you would want to hear this day in and day out. There are eleven of us who hope you will realize the answer".
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