As someone who suffers from major depression, I recommend to the woman with the lying (confused?) depressed man to learn more about depression before she commits to him. Generally, depressed people withdraw from others because they feel worthless. Finding two women who want to be with him takes a lot of energy many depressed people don't have. Besides, depression sometimes is an illness that has to be treated with medication for the rest of your life. Maybe this depression is situational. I certainly hope so, but I caution her that she needs to protect herself if she not only wants someone with whom she is compatible but someone who will be faithful. It's the faithfulness I'm concerned about. My husband might want to caution her more about the consequences of living with someone with depression.

Re: BB -- Thank you for sharing your situation with us. I agree with you about depression causing withdrawal from others. I've had my own share of depression in the past and know this first hand as well. I suspect this guy is enjoying his new freedom from his ex-wife and is really living it up. If he was taking his co-worker out to lunch, it's understandable that she thought he was still interested in her. And of course I think he was; he just wanted both ladies and was upset because they found out about each other. Depression? No way. The lw says she feels sorry for him because his wife "abandoned" him. Shouldn't that be "left him?" I think her best bet would be to contact the ex-wife and find out why she left. It wouldn't surprise me if she says the guy was running around on her. The lw should probably have followed her initial instincts and left him herself.

In regard to letter #2, I agree with the general principle of what Margo says, but don't you have to draw the line somewhere? I couldn't in good conscience attend the wedding of an animal abuser. And besides, if the niece is marrying an abusive creep who cheats on her and the family is in denial, do they really deserve support?