Do not marry the abusive boyfriend. Marry someone who shows you attention. Do not move in with him without a marriage before hand. Then, you will get what you want. Otherwise, just have a boyfriend who lives on his own and treats you very well. Get to know the guy and all his friends and relatives. Listen to any comments his mother makes about him. Go to pre-marital counseling. Reduce the chance of this happening to you again because you want something and feel you have to give up yourself esteem to get it.

Oh Margo you hit the nail on the head. My friends who needed counseling before marriage usually ended up in an unhappy marriage or divorced.

I'm a little disturbed by Jennifer's comment, as well as by Margo's advice to the second LW. I have been in a relationship for six years now and we've had some serious issues which have come and gone. We both agreed on the need to get some more counseling to help work them out before we tied the knot. She wants to get married, I am not so sure it's a good idea. Now I have the two of you suggesting that successful couples shouldn't need premarital counseling (the real kind, not just some third party asking a few questions), I'm more reluctant than ever to commit. And more unsure than ever before about giving my girlfriend what she wants from me. Thanks. Thanks a lot. Pffft.

Matt, how did things turn out? I'm curious since this was posted 2 years ago.