Nice Touch: "But, Honey, All These Women Look Like You!"
by Margo Howard
Dear Margo: My husband and I met online in 2001, moved in together in '03 and married in 2006. He's wonderful in almost every way, but we've had some huge problems due to his need for sexual attention. Right after I moved in, I found he had a lot of porn, plus dozens of girls and women (ranging from teens to 30s) on his contact lists for IM. There were photos of some of them nude and clothed. I thought all this was over in 2005, but he was still getting calls from women and going into the bed ...
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Posted by: Pat-tricia
Comment: #1
Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:45 PM
I have to agree with Margo in regard to the neighbor who walks into the lw's house whenever she feels like it. Yes, they should keep their doors locked and they should tell the neighbor that they don't appreciate her constant visits.
One of my sisters had a neighbor like this. As soon as my sister gets home from work, the woman is at her door ready for a visit. My sister would prefer to just sit back and unwind from work without having to entertain a neighbor.
My daughter had a similar but worse situation. The woman next door would walk right into the house. My daughter started locking the doors but the woman would look in and see my young grandson. She'd catch his eye and motion for him to unlock the door for her and then she'd walk in. My daughter was not always right there to stop him because she might be doing something in another part of the house. One day the woman got in and allowed the two dogs to go outside. She never told my daughter she let the dogs out. My daughter thought they were sleeping in another room which is what they often did so she didn't look for them. Hours later she realized they were missing. She found one dog and got her inside but the other dog was lying on the side of the road dead where it had been hit by a car. My daughter and her husband had a large fenced in area for the dogs and had never allowed them to just run free. Yet it took one visit from this neighbor who got my 4 year old grandson to unlock the door for her for the dogs to get out and for one to be killed. And yet my daughter had TOLD the woman she should not come in without my daughter's or her husband's permission.
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Posted by: Pat-tricia
Comment: #2
Sat Jun 20, 2009 11:26 AM
Re: Pam --- Not necessarily. Some people are really just totally clueless. My daughter's neighbor finally stopped when my daughter lost it and screamed at her. It was because the neighbor's horse had gotten loose when she wasn't home. My daughter and her friend were able to get the horse into my daughter's pasture to keep the horse from going into the road (which it already had). She wrote a note and put it on the neighbor's door to let her know what happened and that she should call when she got home. Instead the woman went and got her horse and never properly shut the gate. Because the gate wasn't closed, my daughter's horse got out. It was the last straw since her dog had been killed by this neighbor's negligence. My daughter said she'd never yelled at anyone like that before but it was just too much to lose the dog (the other one had severe psychological problems as a result and never recovered from it) and then have her horse put in danger after she'd put herself out at 8 months pregnant to save the woman's horse from that fate. I was sort of mad at my daughter to put her pregnancy at risk to save the neighbor's horse who was not well-trained or gentle.
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Posted by: Pam
Comment: #3
Sat Jun 20, 2009 2:43 AM
We all want to be neighborly, but when they're just walking into your house uninvited and refusing to go away, get a restraining order. You're being stalked!
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Posted by: Judith Fowler
Comment: #4
Tue Jun 23, 2009 3:22 AM
We used to have pain the behind neighbors, too. They're weren't clueless, just determined that they not be shut out, no matter how blunt we were. I begged my mother to get a restraining order, as I knew my father wouldn't. She refused, because she was afraid of what people would say. When these people saw we weren't letting them in the house, they tried every way they could think of to get back in, all to no avail. I am glad to say the day finally came when these people moved and that was a great blessing to the community, as we weren't the only ones who had problems with these people.
This lady's neighbor is not clueless -- she knows what she's doing and is doing it intentionally, just as my former neighbors were. She really should get the police involved; or if not, tell this woman where to get off at in no uncertain terms and let the chips fall where they may.
I had to set some boundaries with a friend who was driving me crazy calling me almost daily at work and/or at home. It got to the point where when I would see her number on caller ID, I wouldn't answer the phone. I would even dread answering the phone at work, having a gut feeling it would be her. I know it was my fault for not having done something early on. Some weekend she'd call up to 5 or 6 times, to just chatter. I enjoy talking with her, don't get me wrong, but not several times a day much less daily. One evening she called 6 times in about an hour and a half. Yes, I was at home. Sometimes she'd leave a message, sometimes not. One of the messages was one she would sometimes leave when I honestly wasn't at home: "are ya there or just don't want to talk to me?"
One day when she called at work, that did it. I told her I was in the middle of something, couldn't talk right then and hung up on her. Then had to leave my desk a few minutes to calm down; then try to compose a sendable email. I told her she's a good friend, but her daily/almost daily phone calls had been getting on my nerves for a long time, and don't call me at work anymore or at home after 9 p.m., etc. I'm glad to say we got things worked out and salvaged our friendship. It's not often we talk when I'm at work now, only if it's something urgent, usually one or two calls during the week or on a weekend.
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