Men in the Clink and the Women Who Love Them ... Next on "Jerry Springer"
by Margo Howard
Dear Margo: I am a 33-year-old woman. For the past nine months, my 20-year-old cousin "Amy" has secretly been dating a 29-year-old known drug dealer and gang member. They were only together for two months before he landed in the county jail for cocaine possession and running from the cops, which is where he sits today. He has served at least one other prison term. It is completely out of character for Amy to date this type of guy, which explains why she keeps him a secret from the f ...
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7 Comments | Post Comment
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Posted by: Court
Comment: #1
Mon Jun 15, 2009 9:51 AM
Errr, no. It's about not fornicating. About not having sex with someone until you are married to them. It's not about whether or not there's blood on the sheets when you gett married to your first spouse. I maybe would refrain from making theological comments, if you haven't researched them first.
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Posted by: Pam
Comment: #2
Sat Jun 13, 2009 3:27 AM
Well, you'd be wrong. It condemns sex outside marriage--period. You don't seem to understand that Christians cannot compromise their faith for anyone. It is not that we are "either-or" dominants. It is that what the Bible says is the truth we live by with no exceptions. There are laws of nature and physics. You put a pan of water over a burner on the stove. You leave it there long enough, it boils. If you cease eating and taking in liquids indefinitely, you die. Most people understand those truths. Well, the Bible is as absolute as those facts. So no, there is no room for compromise.
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Posted by: Pat-tricia
Comment: #3
Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:22 PM
Re: Pam -- I agree that Christians are taught to not have sex with anyone they're not married to. My question is why he's involving himself with this woman when he's newly converted to Mormonism. Perhaps it's just that I'm not a Morman and not all that knowledgable about their practices. Most people who convert to a religion voluntarily do so out of a strong belief in that particular religion. Most new converts to a religion that I know usually restrict their dating to people who also belong to their new religion. It's obvious that this lw is not a true Christian. She certainly isn't a Mormon. So why is this guy dating her? It just doesn't make sense. -------- Margo's comment about not being a theologian is an understatement. She seems to know less about religion, certainly less about the Bible, than anyone I've ever met. (Even my 8 year old grandson knows more; he knew more by the time he was 3.) She should refrain from making any comments whatsoever regarding religion. She ends up with "egg on her face" every time.
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Posted by: BB
Comment: #4
Sat Jun 13, 2009 9:16 AM
The only thing worse than a man who misleads a woman about his intentions is a woman who ignores a man when he tells her upfront exactly what his intentions are. There are millions of great guys who want to get married and even more who want to have sex with someone they like. Please go looking for one of them. Leave this poor man alone.
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Posted by: Pat-tricia
Comment: #5
Sat Jun 13, 2009 9:16 PM
LW1: Go ahead and show your cousin this guy's criminal record. She may be angry with you over this but I think it's a chance you need to take. You'll never be able to forgive yourself if you withhold this information and she marries the guy. All too often, people don't give others bad news about the people they are involved with. They don't tell the wife about her husband cheating or the man about his fiancee sleeping with another guy. They all talk about it behind the person's back but no one will come forward with the information because it's "not their business" or they don't want to become involved. My nephew's fiancee was cheating on him even before the wedding. He caught her in the act of cheating just weeks later. His friends all knew and none had the guts to tell him before the wedding. It would have saved him the humiliation and the cost of a divorce if they'd stuck their noses in and told him what everyone else knew. So go ahead and tell your cousin the truth about the "man" she's dating.
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Posted by: Else Cole
Comment: #6
Sat Jun 20, 2009 5:58 PM
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, commonly called LDS church, or Mormons. It is NOT that you just dont have sex until your first Marriage, It is that you do not have sex with anyone that you arnt married to! That means no sex with anyone other then your spouse, This man said he wasn't going to have sex again until he is married, that does NOT mean that he is going to have sex just because he was married before! Besides that, if he chooses to abstain from sex for religious, or even personal reasons, who are you to judge him? He was honest about it and she just cant accept it. She is trying to pressure him into something that he doesnt want to do, and is uncomfortable with. She is the one who is wrong here, even if its just because she refuses to listen to him and respect his choices. It would be different if he was telling her that and then she found out he was sleeping around behind her back.
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Posted by: Marie-Claude
Comment: #7
Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:12 PM
I think what Margo meant by "I am not in favor of being at the mercy of anyone who makes declarations and leaves no room for compromise" is not that she thinks the Morman man should compromise his beliefs, but rather that the woman dating him should not feel restricted because of them. The woman feels trapped because she likes the guy but his values are not condusive to her own interests in this relationship. I think the woman should simply tell the man how she feels and they will both come to some kind of conclusion. I don't think she should leave him altogether without having discussed this first, especially since they seem so compatible in other respects. Also, the fact that he does not want to be married has no bearing on his religious beliefs, which I think Margo also pointed out: It is a secular choice to stay single rather than marry. So be more careful readers next time you decide to throw someone the wet noodle, or cast the first stone.
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