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RE: The old goat: I would tell that old goat in no uncertain terms that if having ONE woman half his age was not good enough for him, then goodbye. And that he can keep his fantasy life in his fantasies; I don't want to hear about him. He reminds me of another old goat, my mom's best friend's husband. He came on to my friend at my wedding! Wanted her and me to come over to their house for a pool party (obviously, so that he could drool over us in our bathing suits.) YUCK! RE: Safety vs. Delicacy: I would purchase a seatbelt extender and keep it in the office. I checked, and they are only $20 or so. You could even split the cost among the drivers. If the obese co-worker wants to ride with someone else, just grab the extender and go, no need to make a big deal about it. Safety and compliance with the seat belt law definitely take precedence over delicacy here. You are not asking her to do anything that you are not asking of other passengers anyway.

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Trying to Be Kind sounds an awful lot like my mom - and my reaction is a lot like her daughter's. It is hard to explain to my mother exactly what she does that absolutely drives me crazy. Each question, comment, or suggestion alone is fine and innocuous, but taken together, aaarrrggg. She questions my picture placement, my makeup, my food choices, and even the way I spray the bathroom. I get exhausted around her. I cannot relax. I always need to do "just one more thing". My youngest child cried when he heard she was going to visit because when she is around, he doesn't get to spend any time with me. I thought carefully about the problem and told her that I love her and appreciate her "helpful hints" but I get overwhelmed. I told her that I could take three helpful hints everyday. I also told her that she needs to hear me when I tell her that I need to stop and rest. She insisted that she didn't really give me that many suggestions and didn't realize that I was tired. She always feels that I blow up from out of the blue for no reason. The last time, I warned her that I was recovering from an illness and really tired from working all week. I was going to need to schedule some time to rest, yet each time I sat down, she asked me to do just one more thing. I told her SEVEN more times that I really needed to rest. Finally around 10:00 at night I started screaming at her. She looked at me bewildered, after all, she was trying to be helpful and nice all weekend. PS. Why does it matter which way her daughter chose to drive home? That is one of the perks of being the driver.

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I agree with Matt that assuming that DiP's husband is elderly is presumptuous. She could be 21 and he, 40. Being with two women is a common fantasy that many men have. DiP sounds like she is too immature to understand that this is just a fantasy and instead calls him a pervert and wishes his penis would fall off. She should either grow up, or she should free him to find a mature woman who understands that fantasies are not only normal but can enhance the sex life of a monogamous couple.

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Margo missed the boat on the first letter. LW1 does not say how old she and her husband are, so Margo referring to him as "the old goat" may be a bit presumptuous. In fact, the LW does say that they've been married only three years, so there's a possibility that this couple are much younger than she thinks - I wouldn't be surprised if they were only in their 30s or possibly even younger. While a neurological workup is a possibility (I guess), I think the more likely explanation is that the husband got addicted to porn sometime over the last year. The LW doesn't mention this because she probably doesn't know - her husband is good at hiding it. He's probably been spending a lot of time looking at smut on the internet, including some girl/girl videos, and gotten to thinking, "Hey, wouldn't it be neat if I could get my wife to fool around with that well-built friend of hers and let me listen in? I'll suggest it." Porn has a way of corrupting a man's mind, especially when it's used a lot, and it is not uncommon for the effects to spill over into his "regular" sex life...which in turn often results in him asking his wife to do kinky, odd, or unusual things while he's trying to get his sexual fix. Because the effects of the addiction come out of the blue or build over a short period of time (often a few months), the wife in these situations is often left bewildered, as this LW clearly is. Don't ask me how I know all this....but as a man, you can take my word for it.

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Matt, the LW clearly said it was a May (her) December (him) marriage. People don't use that expression unless it's a vast difference in age, and in this case, he's the old one. The only presumptiousness I see here is in the old goat trying to turn his fantasy into her reality. She needs to get sterner with him if she expects to get his attention, but it sounds as though her affection for him has already died over this matter. As a woman who has been propositioned by an "old goat," I can tell you how fast it can change the regard or respect you might previously have had for someone.

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Jennifer: I think you are confusing "Trying to Be Kind" with "Uncomfortable Mother" from the day before. I just wanted to clear that up.

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Re: Maggie Lawrence. Uhm, Ok. I really had no idea what the may and december thing meant.

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"I really wish his penis would just fall off!" LOL