Dear Larry: I have a major problem, and it is ruining my life. I need your advice. There is no one else I can turn to, because I am too embarrassed. You are a man, so I figure you will understand my problem. I hope you can guide me to the right path.
I have been happily married to a great girl for almost 10 years. She is kind and understanding, but I have hurt her so badly. I am addicted to finding sex partners on the Internet.
I start out by chatting online, and before you know ...
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Posted by: BB
Comment: #1
Sat Apr 18, 2009 11:20 AM
You are probably right in that this man does not have a sex obsession but he may not be doing this because of the thrill of the conquest. He could be doing it for the thrill of the danger - of getting caught. Maybe that's why he had sex somewhere that his wife could find him and open the door of the car. If it happened only because she was following him, I could understand her doing that but that doesn't mean that is isn't in it for the rush and the feeling he is doing something naughty and getting away with it but might get caught any time. I don't think he needs marriage counselling. I think he needs therapy getting his priorities straight and deciding how he wants to live his life and whether he can stop playing this game with his wife's feelings. He could look for something else to give him that thrill because of danger, bungie jumping for example. He should remove the computer from his house if he is really serious. Keeping the computer is like keeping a bottle of booze on display when you are trying to stop overdrinking.
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Posted by: DJP
Comment: #2
Sun Apr 19, 2009 1:29 PM
What this man describes is a psychological addiction and he is putting himself and his wife in danger through his behavior. Most addicts cannot break the cycle of addiction on their own and he needs more than marriage counseling. I dealt with this in my past marriage and the marriage counselor was not prepared to deal with this, and truly not able to deal with my ex's manipulative side (part of the addicts MO). My ex did find help through group therapy for sex addicts. Removing the computer is definitley one step in preventing relapse but sex adducts can find many ways to get their rushes, so it's not a complete solution to the problem. There is an excellent book on the subject called _Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction_ by Patrick Carnes.
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