Ethnically Speaking, April 11
by Larry Meeks
Dear Larry: I am a 22-year-old African-American woman, and I need your advice in a hurry.
My mother and I do not get along. When I was 6 years old, my mother sent me away to live with my aunt because she was going to school and pursuing a career. When I was 13, my aunt returned me to my mother.
My mother never has married and has a difficult time holding a job because she always gets in trouble with the boss. She cannot seem to get along with anyone.
She screams at me for ...
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4 Comments | Post Comment
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Posted by: Matt
Comment: #1
Fri Apr 10, 2009 10:21 PM
Has this letter writer considered the military? They'll provide her with money for college, a place to live, job training, discipline, drug treatment, a structured routine, and most of all, people that will positively impact her life in many ways. I think she ought to go see a recruiter immediately. The military is a very diverse place these days and there will definitely be a place for her.
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Posted by: Laurie
Comment: #2
Sat Apr 11, 2009 11:59 AM
Depending on where the woman lives there are other resources. Try to find a sobriety house, welfare, community resources, something. Call a social worker. It will be hard to find something with the way the economy is right now, but she might find a reprieve and even if she doesn't, maybe attempting to do something about the situation will make her feel better. I had a girl sleeping on my couch for months who was in a similar boat. Also, perhaps her mom is just like my grandma. always complaining about something just to have something to say. It's aggravating. I wish 'crying' well, I hope she finds a mentor who can help her put things in perspective and emerge a survivor and not a victim.
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Posted by: Sara
Comment: #3
Sat Apr 18, 2009 6:03 PM
All excellent suggestions. Another one worth considering... If the young lady has some free time she could consider placing an ad for a live-in situation with a retiree or older couple that have a spare room and need help with some of the heavier housework and grocery shopping. My grandmother took in a young college student when she was in her 80's. It was perfect as the student was gone enough at school and his job that my grandmother still had the privacy she loved... but the young man was great at running errands for her, doing the grocery shopping, and the housework. In exchange she charged him only enough rent to cover the extra utility and food costs. It was a win-win for both of them.
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Posted by: Julie
Comment: #4
Tue Apr 14, 2009 9:30 AM
Something else to consider:
If she has low income, but with her current studying has reasonable grades, she could apply to a local college and go to live in the dorm. They provide food, shelter and a place to get her eduction. She can live their while she is in school, and should be able to get a job in 4 years when her degree is completed. Since her personal income is so low, and she is 21, she should be able to base her financial aid on her own income (not her mother's) and get grants that do not have to be paid back.
This is how I got out of a similar situation. Now I have a master's degree, a good job, and I got away from my abuse family for good.
-Julie
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