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I was going to suggest that 28 year old seek counseling. However, Larry Meeks' advice to do couples counseling is a better idea. This young woman has a very unrealistic view of marriage. She describes it as what I consider courtship. Not that there is no way for a married couple to walk the beach hand and hand and sit together reading books; but marriage is mostly day-to-day living. It is getting up in the middle of the night to feed an infant or to comfort a child with a nightmare. It is worrying about the kids when they are not with you and worrying about what will happen to the world as they grow up. It is washing the kitchen floor, trying to do all of it and work, drive the kids to lessons and games, etc. When they have that first child, her alone time will be limited. That is where love and cooperation and similar goals and ways to relax come into play. There is much more involved in love than just romance. I hope she sees that and makes the best choice for both of them.

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I have observed that the best couples are ones that are like the "Rocky" theory of relationships... "you got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill each others gaps." The best couple seem to be ones where one is more social than the other. Two people who "cocoon" themselves get a type of "relationship cabin fever" and, frankly, run the risk of boring each other to death over time. However being "out" too much, especially at venues where it is too loud to be talking to each other, or others, is not productive either and two very social people often have conflicts over the "spotlight." The thing I have noticed about couples who have successful relationships of many years... is that they compliment each other and they DO socialize as a couple. Through spending time as a couple with others they can learn more about each other than they would alone. This knowledge can strengthen the relationship by making it more well rounded. I disagree with Larry though about the woman sounding "normal," I think she sounds like she might have a mild form of social anxiety if a "loud church" is too much for her to bear. I also wonder if, perhaps, it might also have to do with the "color" of the crowd. She is describing places as "too loud," but we have to also assume that these are the places that HE likes to go, meaning she might be one of the very few white folks there, and this might have something to do with her comfort level as well. Just because she is dating a black man, doesn't mean that she is going to feel completely comfortable being one of the only white people at church, the jazz club, whatever, at least until she has a chance to get used to being the minority and get to know these folks. It's not a matter of racism, it's a product of just feeling conspicuous... something that would be even harder for someone who is naturally shy and sedate. HOWEVER, we all develop comfort levels if we just force ourselves to get used to things. They can surely reach a compromise. Every other Sunday they can go to each other's church. They can take turns going out to a jazz club or piano bar, and doing something more quiet, like a restaurant, or hosting another couple or two at one of their homes for dinner and a board, or card, game. This is certainly not an insurmountable problem... and I have a feeling that the more he "draws her out," and the more she gets to know his friends, the more she will feel comfortable and even look forward to "his nights." Conversely he may come to enjoy hosting his friends for small gatherings at home... something that most bachelors don't do on their own. In my past relationships we solved this problem by simply alternating who got to "choose" the activity and, I admit, sometimes we would take separate cars. That way, if I reached my tolerance level for the sports game or dance crowd, and he reached his for my co-workers, we could just make an excuse to duck out early... leaving the other one to spend a bit more time with their friends.