Ethnically Speaking, September 20
by Larry Meeks
Dear Larry: In all of my 37 years, I never have written a letter to an advice columnist, nor have I felt moved to respond to anything — until today. The letter from "Worried Mom" moved me. In fact, if you had listed a phone number, I would have called immediately.
She wrote to you about the funny feelings she has regarding her new boyfriend's relationship with her 6-year-old son. This needs to be responded to immediately. She needs to take her son to the doctor or emerg ...
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Posted by: Lisa
Comment: #1
Mon Sep 22, 2008 6:00 AM
The letter he is referencing is from Sept. 6th.
I think it's awful that parents bring their boyfriends/girlfriends to live with them so readily. Regardless of whether or not this particular man is abusing this child (although I agree that she needs to find out for sure, because it sounds likely from what she's said) there are way too many times that mommy's boyfriend abuses or even kills her children. I don't know why moms get involved with such losers, but they need to protect their children and not move in with the first guy they meet. If he really loves you, he will be willing to maintain his own home. And if he needs to move in because he lost his job and can't make ends meet, then he probably isn't a very good catch anyway.
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Posted by: Matt
Comment: #2
Sat Sep 20, 2008 2:09 AM
Funny how everyone automatically assumes that the boyfriend is a predator, without a shred of hard evidence to back it up. Here we've got people calling for the police to be brought in, for him to be prosecuted as a sex offender, and for his life to be ruined...all because some kid has started wetting the bed? Get a grip, people. Geesh. It's one thing for a man to be accused of being a worthless bum...and another to have these horrible charges leveled at him with no proof. This sort of thing ruins mens' lives, even when the charges are never proven and never result in a conviction.
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Posted by: BB
Comment: #3
Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:19 PM
I wish there had been a link to the previous letter. There may be other things going on that are causing this child to start bed wetting, among them a physical problem. However, I think that any mother who brings a man into her home and her child's life needs to bring in a man who is above reproach and with all manly duties being performed - among them, working. Since she is managing to support three people, think about the luxuries her son is giving up because of it. He should be benefiting from lessons, sports, or other things that her income could be providing not just another person in the house.
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Posted by: Kit
Comment: #4
Sat Sep 20, 2008 9:07 AM
The first thing I thought of when I read the original letter was that he might be a molestor.
While it sounds highly suspicious, the mom should talk to her son, for Pete's sake. Ask him if the boyfriend has done any inappropriate touching, and take the boy to a psychologist who can also ask the right questions. That will determine if the boyfriend is indeed a predator. During all this, he should not be spending any more alone time with the boy. However, I hesitate to call the cops on someone accusing them of such a severe crime, and exposing the man to "guilty in the court of public opinion." If he is innocent, it could backfire. If he is guilty, the mom would have taken the appropriate steps.
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Posted by: Jon
Comment: #5
Wed Sep 24, 2008 9:24 PM
Matt, I agree that bedwetting alone doesn't equal child molestation. However, the original letter also mentioned that the child has become noticeably withdrawn and somber since the boyfriend moved in. Before that his mother said he was lively and active. Granted, that still may not automatically mean molestation. At the same time you can't possibly ignore a child's personality and bladder control changing so dramatically in such a short period of time. Something is clearly wrong, and it needs to be looked into by a therapist or social worker; IMMEDIATELY.
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