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Does Your Friend Have a White Stripe Down His Back?

by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: I have been seeing a man for three years. After a year and a half, I asked him about getting serious and he stated he was already serious with someone else. I asked why he didn't reveal that to me, and he said he wasn't sure if it was going to work between them and didn't want to lose me. I broke things off for six months. He started to call again, which gave me the impression he was no longer seeing her, so I continued to see him for another year. Fast forward to right now. I inq ...

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5 Comments | Post Comment
Posted by: Allie Camp
Comment: #1
Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:31 PM

Re: Matt..........."I cant figure out why she's hung around this long." That's easy. It's because she has low self-esteem. While she claims to be upset and unhappy about how she has been treated by this guy, she continues to enable their relationship. As long as she believes that she doesn't deserve better, she will not end it. Believe me, I've been there.

Posted by: Matt
Comment: #2
Fri Jun 12, 2009 4:09 AM

Regarding LW1, it makes me wonder what is the matter with some people. The man in the story is a two-timing cheater (does his fiancee know what he's been up to?) but the LW herself really confuses me. I cant figure out why she's hung around this long. Can we say "doormat?" Should have left the instant she found out there was someone else in the picture, much less an engagement...or at least laid down the law and forced him to choose. LW2 sounds like my girlfriend's granny...petty and obsessed with appearances. The racism is despicable, but common among the older generations unfortunately.

Posted by: Pat-tricia
Comment: #3
Fri Jun 12, 2009 6:15 PM

I have to agree with both Matt and Pat on lW1. They broke up once but then he called her and she was right back with him. It took another year for her to find out that not only was he still seeing the woman but he was actually going to marry her. I just don't understand why she didn't question him about the woman before she agreed to go out with him again. Actually, it surprises me that she even agreed to go out with him at all after what he'd already done. I have no problem with someone dating more than one person during any time period. I do have a problem with them doing so in a secretive manner and giving each person the impression he/she is the only person the other is dating. If I were her, I'd find out who this fiancee is and tell her what this guy has been doing. I'd want to know if I were engaged to such a cheating louse. One of my nephews was in a similar situation - his fiancee was cheating even before the wedding. He found out shortly after the wedding though and then his "friends" all admitted they knew before the wedding but didn't think it was their place to tell him. It would have saved him the expense of the divorce if they'd been up front with him.

Posted by: Pat-tricia
Comment: #4
Fri Jun 12, 2009 6:18 PM

I have to agree with both Matt and Pat on lW1. They broke up once but then he called her and she was right back with him. It took another year for her to find out that not only was he still seeing the woman but he was actually going to marry her. I just don't understand why she didn't question him about the woman before she agreed to go out with him again. Actually, it surprises me that she even agreed to go out with him at all after what he'd already done. I have no problem with someone dating more than one person during any time period. I do have a problem with them doing so in a secretive manner and giving each person the impression he/she is the only person the other is dating. If I were her, I'd find out who this fiancee is and tell her what this guy has been doing. I'd want to know if I were engaged to such a cheating louse. One of my nephews was in a similar situation - his fiancee was cheating even before the wedding. He found out shortly after the wedding though and then his "friends" all admitted they knew before the wedding but didn't think it was their place to tell him. It would have saved him the expense of the divorce if they'd been up front with him.

Posted by: Pat
Comment: #5
Fri Jun 12, 2009 7:04 AM

TTMO had to write to an advice column over this? The fact that she went back to this slime ball after six months pretty much tells me everything I need to know. The word clueless comes to mind. If she cant figure out for herself that she should have told this leach to go jump in the lake a long time ago, then she's not to bright.

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