I'm really blown away by Lost in Ohio's insensitive attitude towards Janie, who may have an eating disorder. You really think she's doing this for attention?

If those of us who struggle with eating disorders were trying to get attention by what we do, we wouldn't work so hard to hide the problem. Many of us live under a deep veil of shame, wishing someone would find out and help us but then hoping to God nobody knows and/or passes judgment.

My eating disorders stemmed from one thing: I wanted to numb the pain and shame from suffering years of trauma, and sometimes overeating or starving myself were the only ways I felt like I had control in my life. Annie, you are right - it's due to deeper emotional scars. I have since acheived some recovery through intensive therapy and Overeaters Anonymous, though some days it's still a slippery slope.

In light of this, put yourself in Janie's shoes and think about how you would feel if someone accused you of trying to get attention while you struggled with an eating disorder, or any other disorder or disease. It's like accusing a cancer patient of being whiny and vain because she's grieving that she lost her hair due to chemo - you wouldn't dare, so why do it to Janie out of ignorance?

Lost needs to approach Janie with compassion and adjust her "offended" attitude - this isn't about her. Our society is already hardened and devoid of kindness in too many ways, even amongst friends.

There's a big difference between having cancer and having an eating disorder. An eating disorder is voluntary! It may mask larger issues, but it still exists because the person who has it chooses to engage in certain behaviors. PS, yours may not be to get attention, but the girl who announces she's going in the bathroom to throw up is certainly hoping people will notice.

Re: Maggie Lawrence

An eating disorder is NOT voluntary, at least not in the sense that you willingly sign up for it. You choose behaviors stemming from eating disorders just as much as someone chooses to have behaviors based on PTSD, depression, bipolar or any number of other mental health issues. Sit in on a 12-step meeting or a support group for any of those sometime and see if you come out of there still believing what you do.

There's nothing in the letter that states Janie announces she's going to the bathroom to throw up, not sure where you got that one. Lost simply said she spends a lot of time in there. That's still not a bid for attention.

In fact I don't see anything in the letter that confirms that Janie really has relapsed, other than Lost and her other girlfriends gossipping and speculating behind Janie's back. If you ask me she needs to look in the mirror first if she wants to pick out someone who needs work. Maybe Janie's only real problem is she needs to go find new friends who are less catty and more supportive.

from the article:

"Dear Worried: Yes. He needs to protect himself. But it is obvious that Sandy has some serious mental health issues that should be addressed for everyone's sake. An accusation of rape, if true, must go through the courts. If false, Sandy owes it to herself to work out the reasons behind it. Tell her you know she is hurting, and suggest she talk to a therapist before she destroys a great many lives, including her own.
Offer to go with her, if necessary."

No Ann, a false accusation of rape must go through the courts too! Sandy may have some serious mental problems but if she makes a false accusation of rape then she has committed an awful crime that must be prosecuted. She and her lawyer can certainly use mental illness as a defense if they wish. Perhaps she does owe it to herself to work her problems out but she has a responsibility to the rest of society to deal with her problems before they become everyone else's.

To Lost in Ohio,

Your 'friend' is a dangerous person and you should distance yourself from her. In the case of a false accusation you must tell the police and the prosecutor your experiences with her immediately. Whether or not she is hurting is something you should reconsider. One thing is for certain, she has no problem hurting others and believe me I know this type, she can accuse you of things you didn't do as well. Run away from her do not walk!