Has "Jill" never been to a pool party, public beach, or a sleepover? Those clothes are inappropriate in quite a few situations.

One part of parenting is teaching children appropriate attire for various situations- you wear formal wear to a wedding, sneakers during gym class, and when visiting Granny hide your green hair under a hat, etc. This parent seemed to miss that lesson, and her daughter seems awfully inflexible.

Something weird is going on with this mother of twins. At 11, Jill is right on the edge of or in puberty. Without making a big, dirty deal about it, this girl needs to be given the tools to work within the reality of society. She needs privacy at home, she needs to learn where modesty is the best route for her. If only being flat chested decided whether females had bathing suit tops, that would be fine, but that's not how the world works. Grandma may be a pill with her princess anachronism, but she has a clue as to the need to introduce this girl to her changing role. Notice, I'm not saying anything about clothes or hair or activities.

maybe shes like one of those kids on that 20 20 special. the one about transgendered kids. her parents could not tell yet maybe.

I went outside at age 10 (no breast development; quite a tomboy) without a shirt on and felt so odd I went back inside and put one on. Age 11 is certainly time to start wearing tops. If Jill wants to sleep in boxers, fine; she should be sleeping in her own room, not bunking down with her brother. She is not a boy. She can feel like a boy, want to dress like a boy, play only with boys, get transgender surgery when she's older, but she needs privacy and should have had her own space long ago.
My grandmas had their own rules but neither of them ever called my parents to complain. If Grandma A wanted me to eat oatmeal and eggplant, I ate it. If Grandma B felt that saying "Oh, boy!" to her wasn't respectful, I didn't do it any longer. These people are family and you adapt. Mom needs to teach both her kids that.

I agree with all the previous posters regarding the 11 year old girl. By this age, both she and her brother should be having privacy and learning about things that will happen to them at puberty. You don't wait until a girl starts getting her period to explain these things. At 11, many girls are already experiencing that. She should definitely have her own room by this age (or be sharing with a sister, not a brother). Allowing a child to be a tomboy does not mean allowing them to go shirtless or topless. In regard to the transgender thing, we don't assume a girl is transgender simply because she likes "boy stuff." Any number of grown women who are happy to be women liked "boy stuff" and were considered tomboys when they were young girls. Kids need to learn to adapt to the society they live in. It's doing them a disservice otherwise. If they still have problems as adults, they can deal with those then when they are mature enough to know what they really want. The grandmother may have been a little outspoken, but I think that as a whole, she has the child's interests at heart. She should give up on forcing the child to wear dresses on an everyday basis though. A lot of women don't do that. However, there's nothing wrong with her giving the girl an opportunity to try dressing up for a special occasion.

You don't have to be a "girly-girl" to be feminine. I played in jeans, T's and wore a baseball cap, but loved the pretty dresses for special occasions. I agree, something is wrong with the mother's attitude here. Maybe she wishes the twins were both boys and passed her attitude on to the daughter??? I know some women who only wanted male children and were disappointed when they had daughters - and vice versa. If she had started dressing them gender appropriate when they were younger, this probably wouldn't be an issue now. I was devastated when I started Kindergarten to learn that my best girlfriend was a boy because up to that time, his mother dressed him like a girl. I wonder how he's doing now?

The other obvious issue is that they are much too old to share a room. If space is a problem, there should have been some sort of divider or screen. And PULEEZE don't tell me they bathe together!

You don't have to be a "girly-girl" to be feminine. I played in jeans, T's and wore a baseball cap, but loved the pretty dresses for special occasions. I agree, something is wrong with the mother's attitude here. Maybe she wishes the twins were both boys and passed her attitude on to the daughter??? I know some women who only wanted male children and were disappointed when they had daughters - and vice versa. If she had started dressing them gender appropriate when they were younger, this probably wouldn't be an issue now. I was devastated when I started Kindergarten to learn that my best girlfriend was a boy because up to that time, his mother dressed him like a girl. I wonder how he's doing now?

I agree with the other posters about the tomboy girl. On the one hand, kids need to be who they are and shouldn't be forced into gender roles as they might have been generations ago, especially with clothing. On the other hand, what might have been acceptable when this little girl was 5 is not acceptable at 11. I also concur with those who say that Grandma is over-the-top but still on the right track - she just seems to have taken things too far.

If Grandma felt that Jill ought to have a bathing suit, she should have taken Jill shopping and let her pick out a bathing suit she liked, instead of foisting some "little princess" choice on her.