Annie's Mailbox®, July 2
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: How do I talk to my adult children about divorcing their mother? I've been a good father and tried hard to be a good husband, but I knew early on that the rushed decision to marry was a mistake. I considered divorce 17 years ago and went to counseling, but my wife said I was the one with the problem, and things didn't change. I have had a number of indiscretions seeking companionship and intimacy.
When my wife said she would turn my children against me, I became depressed a ...
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6 Comments | Post Comment
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Posted by: Ari
Comment: #1
Thu Jul 2, 2009 1:07 AM
Attendants have NOT always paid for their own attire. American wedding customs mostly come from England, where the bride's family always pays for attendants' attire. Also, the bride's family is supposed to provide or pay for her attendants' lodging. That's another tradition that's been conveniently forgotten over the years.
Being a bridesmaid has gone from a fun honor to a never-ending bank account hemorrhage: from engagement gift to multiple shower gifts to destination bachelorette party (complete with klassy pole dancing lessons), to an expensive dress (and the alterations the bridal shop makes sure are necessary when they order it), to mandatory salon hairdo, to wedding gift, to dollar dance (no, the dollar dance is NOT part of your culture, you're just greedy). It's difficult to feel joy for a friend when she spends eighteen months vacuuming your wallet and whining about "all those awful guests who didn't cover their plate".
P.S. The next wedding couple who decides to play "ransom the bride" may just find that the reception guests don't want her back!
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Posted by: Marie-Claude
Comment: #2
Thu Jul 2, 2009 2:43 PM
When did tradition become more important than common sense? When I married, I had one maid of honor, no bridemaids. So I paid for her dress which needed no alterations. She was not exactly happy with it, but she didn't have to pay one cent and she looked good in it (she didn't like the color but it was my choice for the wedding: silver). However, if I had to buy 3, 4, or 5 dresses (not to mention my own wedding dress) it would have been too expensive. I paid for my own wedding and had just one wedding shower, no bachelorette, no engagement party. And in the end, I sent thank-you notes to everyone, regardless if they brought something or not. I was just happy people showed up to celebrate with us. Why has everyone become so materialistic? Matt, good for you, although dancing at the reception would have been nice too ;) People, to this day, ask me how me and my husband planned such a nice wedding: Simple, I kept things uncomplicated. When you follow common sense instead of these out-dated traditions, you can't go wrong. Unless of course, you HAVE no common sense to begin with. That's another issue completely!
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Posted by: Matt
Comment: #3
Thu Jul 2, 2009 3:32 AM
Re: Ari. Geesh. Makes me glad I'm a guy. We rented a tux (yeah, I paid for my own when I was a best man) and show up. I think I bought the happy couple a single present (whatever I could find in their registry that was cheap), wolfed down a plate at the rehearsal dinner. I stood next to the groom at the ceremony the next day, listened to the bride's father babble on before the vows were spoken, spoke a few words of my own at the reception, threw a handful of rice at the happy couple and called it a day. No muss, no fuss. I cannot say I envied any of the female members of the wedding party.
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Posted by: Karen
Comment: #4
Thu Jul 2, 2009 6:05 AM
Re: Ari
Amen, Ari. In my circles, it is incomprehensible to ask attendants to pay for their wedding attire. It is considered rude, cheap and ungracious to do so.
As an aside, I find the advice given in this column generally poor and at best, incomplete, which reflects on the columnists' lack of a certain standard of living.
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Posted by: Breanna
Comment: #5
Thu Jul 2, 2009 8:47 AM
I've been in a lot of weddings, and with one exception I've paid for my own dress. I've always thought it was rare for a bride to pay for her bridesmaid dresses. That said my brides have also always been courteous in choosing reasonably priced dresses, and there was never multiple showers.
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Posted by: Joannakathryn
Comment: #6
Thu Jul 2, 2009 9:31 AM
I've been in three weddings as a bridesmaid, and I always paid for my own dress. Back then, a bridesmaid's dress meant sewing it for myself. Of course, we were always told "you can wear this again." :) On the other hand, when we were first married and extremely broke, a guy my husband had worked with for a few weeks asked him to be his best man. There was no way we could afford the money to rent the tux, so the groom paid for it. As a groom's gift, he gave my husband a gold pen and pencil set. We returned it to the store and got about $25 cash back. As I said, we were BROKE. I'll never forget that feeling of sheer joy when we walked out of the store with that little bit of money, which we spent on groceries.
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