Join the Discussion

Reply
Report this post

LW1 didn't ask if her husband should be diagnosed with depression, nor if he makes a good father or not. She asked if she was being unreasonable to call it quits. She's not, and it's about time, after 5 years living with this leech, that she grow a backbone and let the loser go. I'm sure she has enough sense and a good head on her shoulders to understand the predicament of a divorce; what she wants is reassurance that the guilt trips her loser husband is trying to pull on her have no merit. Which they don't. Ariana is right, the guy is just lazy and wants to live off his wife and not even bother being the father his children need. Lose the loser!

Reply
Report this post

Since "Disgusted" s husband screams at his 4 year old twins, I doubt he is all that interested in spending time with them. I bet he just wants to guild-trip his wife about his lack of money. He is a bum and will never get a job as long as he can get a handout. Your suggestion that someone else supervise his daddy visits is a good one. He can't guilt trip a stranger. My ex lost interest in visits when my policeman friend, in full uniform, would supervise the visits and refuse to engage in any conversation during the whole visit.

Reply
Report this post

To "Widowed Mom"... I too lost a daughter. She was 7 1/2 years old and killed 8 years ago in a bicycle/car accident. Like you, we couldn't begin to adequately thank everyone. While etiquette says we must write written thank you notes, I found it terribly overwhelming and taxing. We created a very long alphabetical spreadsheet to help us thank everyone. Writing those notes was just one more reminder that my daughter was dead. I got to the letter "K" and quit. Today I would do it differently. If you are feeling similar emotions, I would suggest getting some of your close friends together to make the note writing a little less daunting. Your friends are looking for ways to help you. Ideally they want to put your daughter safely back in your arms. They can't do that, so I'd bet that many would be more than happy to help you with the thank yous. No, the notes won't be entirely done by you, but your friends can take your suggestions, and you can have your hand in each note. Not only would you complete a difficult task, but also once again, you would have the love and support you so need right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Reply
Report this post

LW1: I'm not about to make a diagnosis for the lw's husband. I don't think Annie was doing that either. "She" was saying it would be a goood idea to check it out. I do think that it's a possibility. My nephew was bipolar and had been treated incorrectly for depression. To make a long story short, he was finally successful in committing suicide after several previous attempts. So where a mental illness such as depression or bipolar is concerned (even a possibility), I don't suggest anyone just throw in the towel and say it's his own fault, too bad for him, I'm outta here. If he had cancer, would his wife throw in the towel and leave? So suggest he get himself to a professional and find out. And yes, I think the wife should go along if at all possible. If no progress is made within a reasonable period of time or there is no diagnosis of depression, the lw could at then choose to leave. At least then, she won't always be wondering whether she made the wrong decision.--------- Another aspect of the lw's situation does not seem to have been adressed. If he hasn't worked and earned an income during the marriage, there's a possibility that the lw would have to pay alimony. I'm not certain about the child support - whether he'd have to pay any. Of course each state has its own rules about these things. The lw should definitely follow the part of Annie's advice about consulting an attorney - even if she hasn't made a final decision about a divorce. She needs to find out where she stands and how to protect her assets if at all possible.

Reply
Report this post

In our town, there is a non-profit organization which handles court-ordered visitation when parents aren't getting along. They have monitored visitation in their building, when there's some danger to the child. And they provide the visitation exchange between parents who for some reason can't come face-to-face. It is called Family Connection, and I know there are other groups all over the country doing the same thing.

Reply
Report this post

The Annies wrote: "Is it possible your husband is depressed, making him too lethargic to work?" Great. Now every lazy bum has an excuse for why he/she is not working, mooching off others: "I am too lethargic to work." I am not denying that depression is a serious issue, but not everyone who doesn't have a job and refuses to look for one is depressed. I'd understand it if LW said her husband was a full-time SAHD, but it doesn't look that way. Some people just prefer for other people to pay their bills. That's a character flaw, not an illness. As for alimony, I'd love to see a judge who would make a mother of three pay alimony to an able-bodied man who is also quite unlikely to get any custody of his kids beyond weekly visitations. How would he provide this custody without a job and a permanent place to live? More likely, he would be ordered to pay child support and will be delinquent if he doesn't find employment and start contributing to the expenses for his twins.

Reply
Report this post

LW1s husband sounds like my sons father - minus the screaming and cussing. He never held a job in the time we were together. When I originally left him, he saw his son all of the time. When he realized that I wasn't coming back, his visits dwindled down to about once or twice a year. Now I only hear from him when he wants something. LW1's husband may be depressed but you know what? That isn't her problem. Her problem is to look after her self and her kids. The first step to that is to stop being a pack mule.