I understand that the son doesn't want to pay for his father's funeral. However, the person he is really hurting is his sister. My family went through a similar situation about a year ago. One brother, the wealthiest of all of the children, wanted to contribute only $25 to the headstone. No one asked him for more than 25%, split between the 4 brothers. This type of retaliation doesn't hurt the deceased. It hurts the living. If he wants to maintain a relationship with his sister, I recommend that he contribute a fair sum to the funeral.

I understand that the son doesn't want to pay for his father's funeral. However, the person he is really hurting is his sister. My family went through a similar situation about a year ago. One brother, the wealthiest of all of the children, wanted to contribute only $25 to the headstone. No one asked him for more than 25%, split between the 4 brothers. This type of retaliation doesn't hurt the deceased. It hurts the living. If he wants to maintain a relationship with his sister, I recommend that he contribute a fair sum to the funeral.

I'd let the county bury him. My father didn't help me with either of my weddings and he kept the college money I was supposed to get when I was 18. I put myself through college and grad school. When my maternal grandfather died, my grandmother asked each of her 8 children to help with the headstone. My mother refused, because my father would have had a fit if she'd tried to. I won't contribute a dime to his funeral, either. He made us live like paupers, while he let his money pile up. He can use that.

Indifferent Son:

I agree that it will hurt his sister the most.

I've always felt that was one of the real reasons for a funeral... not just to pay your respects to the deceased, but to allow people to grieve.

And in helping with the funeral arrangements, even though you are indifferent to him... you will be giving your sister something important: a chance to grieve properly without being torn up over your long-standing issues with your father.


I have personally been to a funeral where I was somewhat indifferent to the deceased, not out of any strife with him, but over the fact that I didn't know him and only had a hazy memory of meeting him once. However everyone around me knew and loved him and were deep in grief. I took it upon myself, therefore, to handle some of the mundane tasks that would have normally fallen to them, so that they could concentrate on grieving and saying goodbye.