I'm in my late 50s, and I'm pretty sure I've got 30+ years of being spry left. I help my cousin, who is getting close to 70, with caring for an aunt who is 91. LW2's daughter should realize that she will probably be in her late 50s before her parents need her care, if then. My MIL and FIL are in their 80s (he will be 90 this year) and they still play golf several times a week.

For LW1: the mother should back off, the only people who should be involved in fixing this problem is the sister and the brother. The mother, by trying to fix the problem herself, is only complicating the situation even more. The sister and the brother are now adults and the mother has no business in getting in the middle.

The mom who is 'confused' because her daughter doesn't want her moving 4 hours away. Who's life is it anyway? If they want to move on retiring, they should do it. I think there's something deeper going on here.

LW1: When I started to read this, I thought it was a letter about two kids having an argument and the mom wanted to know how to handle that kind of situation. She should have written 20 years ago. At this point, she should keep out of it. The "kids" are now grown and they are the ones with the problem. Perhaps they should write in since they don't know how to behave.

Re: Pat-tricia. I agree, and I'd like to add that when holidays and such roll around - any occasion where family would be getting together - take the advice that is always given in these situations where relatives aren't speaking to one another. Invite both of the "warring sides," and if one refuses because the other will be there, say, "Sorry to hear that; we will miss you." There's no need to get in the middle of it.

Re: Pat-tricia. I agree, and I'd like to add that when holidays and such roll around - any occasion where family would be getting together - take the advice that is always given in these situations where relatives aren't speaking to one another. Invite both of the "warring sides," and if one refuses because the other will be there, say, "Sorry to hear that; we will miss you." There's no need to get in the middle of it.

Re: Pat-tricia. I agree, and I'd like to add that when holidays and such roll around - any occasion where family would be getting together - take the advice that is always given in these situations where relatives aren't speaking to one another. Invite both of the "warring sides," and if one refuses because the other will be there, say, "Sorry to hear that; we will miss you." There's no need to get in the middle of it.

Re: Pat-tricia. I agree, and I'd like to add that when holidays and such roll around - any occasion where family would be getting together - take the advice that is always given in these situations where relatives aren't speaking to one another. Invite both of the "warring sides," and if one refuses because the other will be there, say, "Sorry to hear that; we will miss you." There's no need to get in the middle of it.