Annie's Mailbox®, May 18
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I have a 17-year-old son. Until three months ago, he was the best son a mother could ask for. He's captain of the varsity baseball and golf teams, band officer, top 10 in his class, you name it. He gave his father and me no problems until recently, when he began dating "Holly." Now everything has gone out the window. Our son's curfew is 9:00 pm on school nights and 1:00 a.m. on weekends. The problem is, Holly has no set time when she needs to be home. She can be out all ...
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5 Comments | Post Comment
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Posted by: Joannakathryn
Comment: #1
Mon May 18, 2009 12:37 PM
I'm glad our son is grown. I think every girl he dated in high school didn't have a curfew, but he did. So we went through months of him screaming about how "unfair" we were. Tough. When I insisted that his girlfriend NOT be alone with him in his room, or that they be in upright positions while watching TV, he told me that her parents were okay with them lying on the couch together. I said, "Fine. If she gets pregnant, then it's on THEIR watch!" Did I say that I'm glad he's grown?
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Posted by: Jan
Comment: #2
Mon May 18, 2009 7:32 AM
Since he is so head over heels about this girl, I'd be more worried about the possibility of unprotected sex than coming home an hour later. Make sure he has the knowledge and the products to use. I agree that they should stick to their rules....too many young kids run loose these days.
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Posted by: Lou
Comment: #3
Mon May 18, 2009 7:36 AM
I don't think the boy's family should befriend Holly. I've seen this happen before where a teen's family "adopts" the boyfriend/girlfriend. They include them in all family parties, reunions, vacations, etc and then the teens break up. The "adopted" teen is now devastated, not only by the loss of their "love," but they feel as if they have lost a family too. And now no one cares about them any more. Suddenly they are "out" and usually a new person has taken their place "in the family."
Parents of dating teens should be polite but distant when it comes to getting involved with the "other family." I've seen too many hard feelings that result when the teens break up. I've seen families who have vacationed together now become awkward around each other and there is always hard feelings.
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Posted by: Pat-tricia
Comment: #4
Sun May 17, 2009 10:01 PM
LW1: I don't think the lw should extend her son's weeknight curfew as Annie suggests. This young man needs to be up early for school in the morning and it's unlikely that he comew home and jumps into bed. There's probably things he needs to do first. Also, the parents are probably in bed early so they can get up early, make breakfast, see the kids off to school and get themselve out the door for work as well. Just because Annie suggests something, it doesn't mean the lw HAS to follow the suggestion. I do like the rest of the answer however regarding sticking to their guns about the curfew and befriending the girlfriend.
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Posted by: Matt
Comment: #5
Tue May 19, 2009 12:12 AM
I never had a curfew growing up, since I didn't socialize much to start with and my parents never really saw the need for one. However, when I finally started dating around the end of high school, my first girlfriend had a curfew that was rigorously enforced by her parents. I believe it was around 11pm or midnight or so. I really resented having to not only have her "in," but myself "out" at that time...meaning the evening was always over and I had to go home. I complained to my dad, who said, "Her parents probably have noted the fact that once you've spent a few hours with their daughter at the movies or whatever, it's time for you to go home after that. Besides, after 11pm or so there's not really anything still open that late at night anyway, so the temptation for you to park someplace and fool around, will be all the greater." (Our town was under 30,000 at the time and all the businesses closed fairly early.) Dad was probably right, and I'm grateful not only for his insight, but also for her parents removing some of the temptation for me to do things with her that we shouldn't have been doing. We spent far too much time fooling around as it was.
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