Of course Jennifer's sister is going to bring her husband to the memorial. Why do people refuse to learn from patterns? If the sister has brought him in the past, she will this time. The solution is not to suffer in silence, sitting there letting him ruin the memorial as you knew he would. The solution is to not invite your sister to the memorial. Let go of any idea you have that there will ever be some sort of heart-healing special moment with your sister. She's as much of a monster as he is. Cut them both off and move on with your life.

While the girls advice to LW1 was good, I don't think it will be sufficient. The letter writer may love her husband, but he isn't a grown up and his mother isn't ready to let them grow up. I gather that a good portion of us have children. Would we jump right over if we got a call saying 'Spouse and I had a fight. Could you come over and mediate?'. I was with a mama's boy for a long time. Eventually you realize that the relationship will never really be about you and your spouse. More like you are a cling on to spouse and his mom. And eventually, LW1 may lose any attraction she had to the child that she married.

I agree with Ari. She should not even tell the sister when the memorial service is. Just do it without her. The sister is a horrible person and so is her husband. Since she's now an adult, the LW should look into prosecuting this piece of garbage as well.

I agree with both Ari and osoozzq regarding the memorial for lw's mom. If she's giving it and is sending out invitations as opposed to just putting an announcement in the paper inviting anyone who wishes to come, then there's no reason to invite the sister. It doesn't sound as though the sister is footing the bill for any of the expenses of the memorial. I know it sounds somewhat cold to not invite one of the deceased's daughters, but I get the impression that that daughter was partly the source of mom's depression. If she wants to have a memorial, she can have one herself and invite whomever she likes. I suspect the lw is not interested in maintaining any kind of relationship with her sister considering the sister did not stand up for her when her husband molested the lw. ---- Regarding osoozzq's suggestion of prosecuting the bil for his molesting her as a child: there may be a statute of limitations preventing that depending on the lw's age and how long ago the molestation occurred. I'm somewhat surprised mom and dad didn't prosecute the jerk, It could be that the lw didn't tell them at the time, they didn't believe her, or they didn't want to upset their other daughter. In all, I'd say the lw lost her sister the moment the sister burned her diary and chose her husband over her own sister. Since the lw's tried to contact her sister with no response, it's clear the sister has cut the ties herself.

LW1 is another example of marrying someone and thinking they'll change. He's been a mother's boy all through their dating and that was the time to work it out. Of course I say this having made the same mistake. We had to go to Mom's house for every weekend and every holiday. As they lived in a resort area, I thought we were just doing it for the recreation on days off. I didn't understand that this would be the rule. Datura's right, this relationship will probably end. And of course Mom's not going to butt out. Think of the control she has.