Annie's Mailbox®, May 11
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I am a 24-year-old female and have been friends with "Danielle" for 12 years. In fact, she is the only friend I have. Recently, I expressed some personal frustrations to her about my in-laws' lifestyle. I said these things in confidence. My husband is aware of my feelings, and we have reached an understanding. However, last week my brother-in-law came to visit and was extremely distant. He was obviously angry with me, but refused to say why.
My brother-in-law and ...
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Posted by: Matt
Comment: #1
Mon May 11, 2009 11:40 PM
Re: Pat. Yeah, really. Some "friend." I also noticed, with some concern, that the LW stated that this Danielle gal was "her only friend" or some similar wording. That in of itself is disturbing to me - nobody should be entirely reliant on one person for all of their social need. I also doubt her husband would be able to provide completely in this area. If the LW were to get involved in a variety of community activities (social clubs, church, volunteering, etc) she'd be able to meet new people, and improve her social skills all at the same time. Then maybe she wouldn't feel motivated to try and keep a false friend like Danielle around, much less listen to her hurtful comments. And I'd certainly forget about trying to talk any sense into her, either. Just cut the line and be done with it.
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Posted by: Pat
Comment: #2
Mon May 11, 2009 8:23 PM
LW1: Her "friend" is no friend. The lw says this woman is her "only" friend which means she needs to branch out more. I suspect she's been appeasing this "friend" simply because she feels this is the only friend she has and didn't want to lose her. But of course, what good is it to keep such a friend? ---- What this lady really needs to do is develop a new philosophy of never saying negative things about anyone. Mom's old rule of "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything" is a really good piece of advice. Also, "a secret shared is no longer a secret." Don't ever tell anyone anything about another person that you wouldn't tell that person to his/her face. You'd think that a 24 year old woman would know that by now. However, like many people, she apparently has to learn that the hard way. ---- I would not suggest that she confront this woman. There's no point; she'd just be stirring up bad feelings. She should be cordial to the woman but refrain from socializing in the future. If Danielle asks why the cool down, she can just say that she doesn't feel they have a lot in common anymore.
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Posted by: Carole
Comment: #3
Tue May 12, 2009 10:02 AM
For the bride who doesn't know who to have in her wedding: Do all your friends a favor and have no attendants. Nobody insulted, everybody saves money. Start a trend.
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