Annie's Mailbox®, December 4
by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I was talking to a co-worker the other day, and he was telling me in a joking manner that where I come from, people eat reindeer. I responded to him, while smiling, saying, "You guys eat dogs!" (He is Korean.)
He got really upset and called me many vulgarities and left. I approached him and apologized, but he told me to stay away. I apologized again the next day, but he wouldn't listen. This is causing bad feelings since we work in the same office, but I feel I ha ...
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Posted by: Kate
Comment: #1
Tue Dec 4, 2007 11:11 AM
Dear Annie,
I am confused. Why is it that you don't consider the Korean co-worker's comment more offensive. I do not know if the Finnish eat reindeer but I know for a fact that in Korea dog is a delicacy. I have eaten it myself. Why should he expect more courtesy than he is willing to give? For the sake of the office he should be instructed (by his manager, not another co-worker) on the topic of racial insensitivity. It can go both ways!
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Posted by: Jodie
Comment: #2
Tue Dec 4, 2007 1:29 PM
A quick Google search reveals that not only do they eat reindeer in Finland, it's served in many restaurants and reindeer meat is one of their top exports. Contrast that with Korea, where yes, some people do eat dog, but it's a practice that many Koreans find offensive and there are many campaigns among Koreans to stop the practice. Not to mention that it's considered by most of the rest of the world to be an aberrant practice, and is often used as a stereotype about Korean people. Saying that the coworker should have been willing to take it if he can dish it out really isn't even remotely appropriate in this case. The writer was way out of line, and if she found the reindeer comment offensive she should have said so. He had every right to be offended. She needs to respect his wishes and leave him alone. Perhaps if she can demonstrate around the office that she's learned her lesson by being respectful and not making offensive and stereotypical comments about anyone else, he might begin to feel comfortable enough to tlk with her again.
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Posted by: Katie
Comment: #3
Tue Dec 4, 2007 1:35 PM
I applaud the mother of the man with aspergers for trying to do the right thing. My nephew Billy is 16 & has aspergers. The most amazing thing happened to him recently - he made 2 friends. The three of them gather together and enjoy each others' company. They may all be doing different activities in the same room because thats the level of interaction they are most comfortable with. They really enjoy it because they understand each other. It's been great for the Moms too... their boys are accepted for who they are, and the Moms get a needed break for a few hours every now and then. My nephew has tons more self confidence. I think the mother of the man would do her son a great favor if she got him involved with a group of people that have aspergers. He will make friends, and maybe he will get a social life, it won't be like everybody elses, but if it makes him happy who cares?
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Posted by: Vasu
Comment: #4
Tue Dec 4, 2007 1:51 AM
Hi Annie, I disagree that this person should try once more to mend the relationship. After all, not only is his colleague being overly sensitive, he used vulgarities. If I were the guy who wrote to you, I would have tried talking to that Korean guy only once. And even then I would have toned down my "apology."
And yes, enlisting the help of others is a good idea. That will make more people realize that this Koren guy is immature. -- Your reader somewhere in USA
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Posted by: BB
Comment: #5
Tue Dec 4, 2007 4:42 AM
Dividing a spouse's ashes so that part are with the first wife and part with the second sounds especially gruesome to me. I can see how a person might want to be buried beside his/her first wife/husband if that person wants the children to have one place to visit. What if there are children from both marriages (or many marriages)?
I guess this is more complicated than it sounds.
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Posted by: Aly
Comment: #6
Wed Dec 12, 2007 12:54 AM
Korean person said: "You guys eat reindeer, ha ha ha!"
Finnish person said: "You guys eat dog, ha ha ha!"
Korean person initiated the exchange.
Both sentences are true.
So is this one: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks."
Korean person had a hissy fit.
Finnish person did not.
Rude, prima-donna Korean person owes Finnish person an apology.
Finnish person owes diddly.
End of story.
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Posted by: Lily
Comment: #7
Wed Dec 5, 2007 11:31 AM
Re: "Fight to the Finnish"
The Korean co-worker is definitely in the wrong. He acted in an immature, petulant manner when his "joke" was refocused on him. However, he went beyond childish to unprofessional when he used vulgarities. "Fight to the Finnish" should go to his supervisor and report this incident. By the way, I am Korean and I don't condone infantile behavior nor insulting other culture's cuisine.
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Posted by: Carole
Comment: #8
Wed Dec 5, 2007 7:13 AM
have to go with the Finn against the Korean. If the Korean doesn't eat dog and is against it, he should explain his point of view, not sulk and refuse to respond. No apologies are needed if he can't explain why he is upset. Besides, even if he doesn't personally eat dog, 10% of Korean do, according to the internet.
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