In regard to number two, it is hilarious how some parents can not take responsibility for what they have done to their children. To have a child hate you, I am sorry, you must have done something to deserve it. You raised them. She says in her letter that "Hateful people cause so much grief that it comes full circle." What does she think is happening to her? It is coming back around full circle where it started, with her.

In regard to number two, it is hilarious how some parents can not take responsibility for what they have done to their children. To have a child hate you, I am sorry, you must have done something to deserve it. You raised them. She says in her letter that "Hateful people cause so much grief that it comes full circle." What does she think is happening to her? It is coming back around full circle where it started, with her.

Cheryl, You must be young. I am a Granny and I can tell you, I have SEEN hateful children from wonderful homes who spend their whole lives hating their parents for the choices they (the child) has made! My best friend is the most wonderful human being and her children are mentally ill and just nasty people. My cousin adopted a beautiful baby girl who grew up to hate her Mom, The child became a drug addict and high priced call girl. Most of these situations DO involve drugs. But love alone does not get a happy wonderful child. I am very blessed...my kids are great and love me a lot. Kids don't come with directions. Pray a LOT and talk to them a LOT...and have good luck!

Cheryl,
I totally agree with you, for all adult offspring to stop talking to their mother/parents, she must also have part of responsability in the situation, instead of being 'the innocent victim who does not know what she did wrong'.

Re: Katie
Hi Katie, actually I am a grandmother also and it wasn't until I was a parent that I truly realized my parents were terrible parents. My father told me once that he never wanted kids but that is what Catholics do and that we were like an Albatross around his neck. His friends and relatives think he is a wonderful human being too, because he never showed his true colors to them. My mother has a very selective memory and never "remembers" things being the way I describe to her. My brother and I just roll our eyes. Parents these days are afraid to parent their children and that is why kids these days have no ethical rudder to guide them. They were not taught. Luckily, like you, I raised kids who love me and grandchildren who love them. I made mistakes, but I owned up to them and I feel very blessed.

Regarding LW2, I see both points of view (Cheryl's and Katie's), but I think I agree more with Cheryl's. About 10 years ago, I became friendly with a neighbor in the apartment building I lived in. We were both in our late 20s/early 30s and without kids, so we'd go to exercise together, grab a cup of coffee, etc. I was surprised that she never mentioned her parents. She'd spend common family holidays alone or with friends (including my husband and me). I once asked her if her parents were living, and she said, "I don't know. They kicked me out of the house when I was 17, and I haven't seen them since." It turned out that she had gotten mixed up in the sort of wrong company: drinking, drugs, etc. So, instead of helping her, her parents decided to show her "tough love" and kicked her out. She lived on the streets for a couple of years, still doing drugs and, basically, killing herself, but then met caring people at a shelter who helped her straighten out. By the time we met, she had finished college and was working for a production company in LA. She did not drink or do drugs. She said she didn't hate her parents, but she still did not want to have any contact with them. She felt that they abandoned her when she didn't know what the heck she was doing and needed help. Obviously, she wasn't blameless in this estrangement, but she was a very nice person by the time I met her, and I just can't see how her parents hadn't tried harder to help her. As a parent myself, I think I'd turn heaven and earth upside down to help my underage child before I kick him out into the streets.

Re: Cheryl


Well put, Cheryl. I also would like to add that just because some people present a wonderful picture of themselves to the world, it doesn't mean they are so wonderful behind closed doors. I remember that when I was a kid, a nice family in our neighborhood adopted a girl. The kid always had more bruises than any other kid I remember, and we always thought she must have been a klutz although we never saw her do anything klutzy. She was perfectly fine when we all played at school - just as agile as any other little girl on monkey bars and just as quick in playing tag. She seemed to have become much clumsier when she got home, walking into doors, falling off stairs, and getting her fingers jammed in dresser drawers. Now that I think about it almost 30 years later, I have to ask myself: What were those nice parents doing to that girl?

RE: "Chronic back condition and prescription Oxycodone"
I believe that Annie is correct in her response as far as the medical and legal community go. Sadly, it does not end there. My wife has been on two major RX's for back pain for > 10 years and can't stop taking them. She still has the pain (which is the root of the problem) which she was afraid to attempt to have fixed. Now she is "dependent" on the RX's but only takes them as prescribed. I have fought with her and her doctor on this (I found another doctor years ago) to no end. I had to give up a company transfer as she could not find a doctor in the new city which would prescribe the RX's like her current doctor so she moved back after 2 months. Now the marriage is about over and a major is how she keeps getting the med's as if we divorce she looses her insurance from my policy.
These drugs are a slipperly road and don't think for a minute that you can ever stop taking them. If you really have a problem with real diagnosed pain (my wife does) either fix it or accept a life-time of pain.