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Annie's Mailbox®, June 23

by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am 16 years old, and my friend "Kelly" is 17. Last week, Kelly went to a party where there was alcohol. She got a little drunk and then drove her brother home, along with one of his friends who stayed over. She was asleep when her brother's friend came into her bedroom and forced himself on her. She couldn't fight him off because the alcohol made her feel disoriented. Afterward she realized she was raped.

Kelly doesn't want to report it because there was underag ...

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Posted by: Pat-tricia
Comment: #1
Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:28 PM

LW1: I agree the girl should report the rape. It would have been far better to do so immediately before bathing so there would be evidence for a rape kit. Sometimes we hear about drills for how to react to an emergency. I think women and girls should think ahead of time what they would do in certain situations so they don't have to waste time thinking what they should do at the time. For example, repeat after me: "If someone assaults me, rapes me, or physically molests me in any way, I will report him to the police. I will make the report before I've showered or changed my clothes so I do not destroy evidence. If I do change my clothes, I will put them in a clean bag to present as evidence to the police. I WILL NOT SHOWER OR BATHE before being examined by a doctor in order to preserve evidence that the assualt or rape did indeed happen and to preserve my attacher's DNA." It's just too bad the lw's friend was too much shocked to think about that.

Posted by: Ari
Comment: #2
Tue Jun 23, 2009 6:30 AM

I don't think she should bother reporting it. She'll have to go through a lot of inconvenience, have her name dragged through the mud, and he probably won't be convicted. Conviction rates in rape cases are shockingly low. If she wants revenge or to protect other women, the best thing to do would probably be to wait a few years, then get a gun at a gun show or something, then kill him. Nobody would know of her motive for the crime, so if she planned carefully (didn't leave any physical evidence, etc.), she could get away with it. That's what I'd do if I were her.

Posted by: Marie-Claude
Comment: #3
Tue Jun 23, 2009 6:33 PM

Re: Ari...are you insane, or just making morbid jokes? Killing someone never helps. And if she keeps this to herself, she'll do more damage to her mental and emotional state. Not to mention the countless women and girls the jerk could victimize in the meantime. She may never enjoy sex again unless she gets counselling now. And you call being raped an "inconvenience"? What is wrong with you? As for her name being dragged through the mud, that's an old reaction well-dated from decades ago that should have been left behind a long time ago. It's not her shame, it is the rapist's. I agree with Pat-ricia, she should have taken the right route, but she was probably still drunk when she woke up and also had mixed feelings because it was her brother's friend, not some random weirdo.

Posted by: Ari
Comment: #4
Tue Jun 23, 2009 7:20 PM

Marie-Claude, she was drunk, she knows the perpetrator, and there's no physical evidence. There's not going to be a conviction in this case. According to the U.S. Dept. of Justice, only 65% of rape trials end in a conviction. The state may even chose not to try him at all. Other women and girls are going to be victimized by that guy whether she reports it or not. A trial that ends in a not-guilty verdict is going to emotionally devastate the victim and isn't going to protect any other women. It also gives her an obvious motive if the guy later ends up dead. You may think the name dragged through the mud thing is old, but it's still around. If your reading comprehension didn't suck so horribly, you'd see that the "inconvenience" I was referring to is if she reports it and has to go through a trial. I gave a sensible answer based on the way things actually work in the world as it is. You gave an answer based on the way you (and I) would like things to be.

Posted by: Linda
Comment: #5
Tue Jun 23, 2009 7:54 AM

I was raped when I was 16 and never told any one=[it was a date rape]I now know I should have reported itWhen I was raped-it was the time when people said you proably asked for it the year 1964.I lived with this shame and even knowing I did nothing to deseve the rape-he still should have not gotten away with it.I never told anyone what happen until I was 40 years old and it was like a weight lifted off my shoulder.So yes, she should tell someone-it,s like a sore it will bother her-even if it,s not the police-go see a guiadence person=she didn,t ask for this to happen.I pray she can put this away and go on with her life-

Posted by: Colleen
Comment: #6
Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:36 AM

Okay, well I'm commenting on the article about the mother who refuses to let her daughter go to an unchaperoned party after prom, and everyone who also replies to that letter, saying "Good for you ! Teenagers are bound to drink and do drugs and have sex at an unchaperoned party" I'm extremly offended by this. I'm 17 years old, and just recently I myself threw an after-prom party, at my cabin in the middle of nowhere, with no parents in sight, and let me tell you, there was quite a few of us, all couples, and there was NO drinking, NO drugs, and NO sex. None of us are 'A' students, nor are we slackers. We're all pretty average teenagers, who know to have fun, just the right way. And this week, after the grad ceremony, I'm throwing another unsupervised party, where it will be the same deal, just a bunch of us hanging out, having fun without alcohol, drugs or sex. Now, I understand that there are a lot of teens that go out, and participate in those activities, but it's just extremly offensive, to see that a lot of adults just assume we're ALL like that. It's unfair, And I know you wouldn't appreciate being treated the same.

Posted by: Carol Ann
Comment: #7
Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:43 PM

She was probably drugged. She should probably not now report it, because the evidence is gone.

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