To the boyfriend of the last letter writer: RUN! Normally, I'd say the guy was a putz for lying about the phone calls to his girlfriend. But the fact that she goes through his things and even calls the ex says he has good reason to lie. The LW sounds like a psycho. Many people decide to stay friends with ex spouses who, after all, were their family at some point in time. Who is she to dictate who her boyfriend can talk to?

"Heartbroken" should dump the boyfriend and look for a man who is really single, this one is still "married". The ex-wife is clearly not an ex, he may be divorced on paper but he is not divorced in his mind. If he is not capable to move on after 5 years, she should move on without him unless she wants to live her life as a part of this threesome.