'Tween 12 and 20 by Dr. Robert Wallace

DR. WALLACE: I'm writing to tell you about my mom, Carolyn. She is the most wonderful mom in the entire world. Mom is so loving, kind and sweet, and always finds time to help me with all of my problems, big and small. And all my friends like to come over to my house because my mom is always nice to them, too.

It makes me feel really sad when I hear about other kids who are abused and neglected by their parents. I just wish that they could know my mother and that she could touch their lives. Every night I give thanks for my wonderful mom and my wonderful dad, too. — Julie, Sanford, Fla.

JULIE: Sometimes we in the media (both newspapers and television) get so caught up with the problems of family life that we forget to recognize all the wonderful moms and dads who quietly and effectively dispense kindness and love to their children. Thanks for writing such a lovely — and loving — letter, Julie. And congratulations to your Mom and Dad. They represent the very best in parenting.

TEEN NEEDS TO LEAVE LOSER BOYFRIEND

DR. WALLACE: Jerry and I have been dating for over two years. I like (not love) him a lot and we have good times together. Jerry is still a "work in progress." He has been in trouble with the law several times (drunken driving, cocaine possession) and currently is on probation. His father is in prison and his mother is nowhere to be found.

My parents despise Jerry and keep encouraging me to get rid of him. I want to continue trying to help him straighten out his life. If he ever does, he might be "a keeper." Also, his grandmother and I are very close; she feels that I am a good influence on him and wants me to continue seeing him. She raised him and he even calls her "Mom." What do you think I should do? — Kelly, Dallas.

KELLY: It sounds like you're dating Jerry as much for his grandmother's sake as for his, and just maybe to exert some independence from your parents. I don't blame them for being upset about this relationship. He's pure trouble from their point of view.

If you're dating Jerry as a "social experiment" and thinking that you may be able to straighten him out, then forget it. This is a one-sided relationship with your role as a constant nag. To improve his life, his motivation to change has to come from within. From your letter, I don't sense that it does.

I'd advise you to drop Jerry and look for a guy with character.

MARIJUANA CAN BE MORE DANGEROUS THAN TOBACCO CIGARETTES

DR. WALLACE: Why do you say that smoking a marijuana cigarette is more harmful to the body than smoking a regular tobacco cigarette? I read somewhere that tobacco and marijuana are equal when it comes to harmful effects on the body. Please explain. — Bruce, Charlotte, N.C.

BRUCE: A study completed by the University of California at Los Angeles' School of Medicine compared lung functions of tobacco smokers and marijuana smokers. When measuring potential body harm, the study concluded that smoking five marijuana cigarettes in a week's time equals smoking 112 tobacco cigarettes in the same time frame (16 per day for a week). The reason is that marijuana smokers inhale more deeply and hold the smoke in their lungs much longer.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: TUESDAY, JUNE 16, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Dad Shouldn't Force Son to Take Advanced Math Classes

DR. WALLACE: I get A's and B's in all of my classes — except math, where I only receive C's. My math grades have kept me off the honor roll. I have taken two years of math (algebra, geometry) and that fulfills my math requirement for graduation.

My dad, who is a math genius, is always on my case to get better grades in that subject. I study hard and do all my homework, but I just don't find math easy. My dad is insisting that I sign up for calculus next September when I will be in the 11th grade. I'd rather not take any more math because I want to become a high school English teacher, and I want to make the honor roll my last two years in high school.

I know that my father will make the final decision on my taking calculus, but I'd like to hear what you have to say about this since you're a former teacher and principal. — Nameless, Toledo, Ohio.

NAMELESS: Sounds to me like something doesn't quite add up in your relationship with Dad. He loves math and is forcing it on you. I fear all he's going to accomplish is inculcating in you a lifelong hatred of the subject. He needs to let up.

In my opinion, you should be allowed to take other challenging courses in your junior and senior years — not merely so you can make the honor roll, but also to maximize the benefits of your high-school education. Given your interests, a course in creative writing or Shakespeare might be more beneficial than calculus.

By the way, Dad, you must be aware that Albert Einstein was a complete failure in math when he was in school. He became a brilliant theorist only when he was able to approach the subject in his own way.

No one learns when a subject is forced down his or her throat.

TEEN DOESN'T WANT TO LEAVE HER COUNTRY HOME WITH GRANDMA

DR. WALLACE: When I was 5, my parents divorced and I went to live with my grandmother in the country. I am now 13 and have been with my grandmother for eight years; I love her very much. She is more like a mother to me than my own mother.

About three months ago, my mother remarried, and now she and my stepfather want me to move in with them. This means I would leave all my friends and teachers in Arlington, Tenn., and move to Memphis, Tenn., with my mother and a stranger who would be called daddy.

I do love my mother, but I'm a country girl and Memphis is a big city. At home with Grandmother, I'm needed and wanted. Moving in with my mother and her husband would change all that. I know the decision is up to my mother, not me, but I'd still like to hear what you think about this. — Alyssa, Arlington, Tenn.

ALYSSA: If I were in a similar situation, I would feel exactly the same as you. Leaving an environment where you feel comfortable, loved and needed to go to one where you will be a stranger can be traumatizing. I hope your mom understands this and also realizes how close you are to your grandmother.

If you must move, your best bet is to look at this as an adventure rather than an uprooting. If your mother and stepfather have a positive and loving attitude, and truly welcome you in their midst, then your move to Memphis could be a growing and learning experience. And I'm sure you will make new friends once you have settled in at school.

I've been to Memphis and know it to be a beautiful city with a rich history. Give it a chance. "Country" is in your blood and will always be a part of you. You won't lose it by moving to Memphis, and you'll never be more than a visit away from Grandmother who will be sure to give you a warm welcome when you see her during vacations.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: WEDNESDAY, JUNE 17, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Tell Mom and Grandma if Sister Has a Drug Problem

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and live with my 14-year-old sister, our mother and our grandmother. My mother was never married, so my sister and I don't know our fathers. This doesn't bother me one bit, but it bothers my sister very much. Our mother and grandmother both work full time to support our family. They are two wonderful women, and my sister and I both love them a lot.

I'm a very good student with high hopes of going to college and becoming an elementary school teacher. My sister is just the opposite. She hates school, gets poor grades and has no intention of going to college. Despite our differences, we are close and love each other very much.

I am active in school activities and hang around with a nice group of kids. My sister hangs around with people that I call undesirables. Her friends are constantly in trouble at school. I'm sure some of her friends abuse drugs. I always ask my sister if she is doing drugs, and she says, "No way, Jose."

Lately, she has been acting odd and I really think she is doing drugs, but I'm not 100 percent sure. Other than acting odd, what are the telltale signs that someone is using drugs? I want to be the one who helps my sister straighten out her life. Our mom and grandmother have a lot on their minds; they don't need my sister's possible drug use to cloud their thinking. — Adella, El Paso, Texas.

ADELLA: For 10 years, I counseled teens at Community Psychiatric Centers in Santa Ana, Calif. The teens that came there, although they were addicted to drugs, were lucky enough to have caring parents who wanted to help them.

When parents contacted CPC wanting to know more about identifying drug use, they were given the following list of possible indicators of both alcohol and drug abuse in young people:

— Dramatic change in behavior or personality

— Rapid mood swings

— Drop in grades, loss of interest in school, sports, hobbies

— Secrecy about peers or activities

— Quickness to anger

— Increase in verbal or physical aggression toward authority figures

— Frequent profanity or lying

— Sudden change in appearance

— Rejection of old friends; reluctance to introduce new friends to family

— Red, runny eyes and runny nose

— Marked change in energy level

— Aggressive behavior (fighting, destroying property)

You are a loving sibling and it's great that you want to keep your sister away from drugs, but if she shows signs of drug abuse, tell your Mom immediately.

Your sister may already be in too deep for you to rescue her all by yourself.

Your mother and grandmother may have a lot on their minds, but nothing could be more important to them than the safety and welfare of you and your sister. If your sister is in trouble, the rest of you must work as a team to pull her out of it. Don't keep her problem a secret. If she's hooked on drugs, she'll need all the help and love she can get.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: THURSDAY, JUNE 18, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

A Parental Reminder for Children to Wear Bike Helmets

DR. WALLACE: I just read the article about the parents whose son received a bicycle for his 12th birthday, and the boy didn't want to wear his helmet because it was "awkward and unnatural." Your advice to insist that he wear a helmet was right on.

When my daughter was about the same age, she had a very bad spill and had to go to the emergency room. After six hours, 22 X-rays and 11 stitches, we were able to bring her home relatively unhurt.

As her mother, I was doing OK until the next morning when I picked up her helmet. If she hadn't been wearing it, she would have been killed. She had landed on the front of the helmet, smashing it in. The impact practically broke the helmet in two.

Bicycle helmets are constructed to protect what is inside, and I know that they do a pretty good job, if worn correctly. Many times I see children (and adults) with their helmets on the back of their head instead of the top. If my daughter hadn't been wearing her helmet correctly, she would have been badly hurt.

The bottom edge of the helmet should be worn parallel to the ground and should always be buckled, so that if you fly over the top of your handlebars (as my daughter did), your head is still protected. You don't always fall straight back.

Wearing a helmet is the law here at Fort Knox, Ky., as well as many other communities. If those parents love their son (as I know they do), they will stick to their guns and demand that he wear the helmet. He may not think wearing a helmet is cool, but the risks are just too great not to wear one. — Karen, Fort Knox, Ky.

KAREN: Your story will convince many wavering parents to insist that their children have maximum protection when they go for a spin on their bikes.

DON'T TRY TO DATE BOY WHEN LIVING WITH HIS FAMILY

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 19-year-old girl who is attending college. I live with a family who has a 19-year-old son that also attends college, but not the same one. I go to Cal State Fullerton and he is a student at Fullerton Junior College. The only time we see each other is on the weekends. We haven't dated, but have done things together, such as shopping and attending church. I now realize that I like this boy very much, but I'm afraid if I make this fact known I might upset things in the house, and I like living here. What should I do? If I had to move, I'd have to quit school. — Nameless, Fullerton, Calif.

NAMELESS: Your instincts are correct. Pursuing romance with him could upset the household. Continue to enjoy the boy's friendship, but don't pursue any romantic notions as long as you live with the family. Concentrate on getting your college education instead. That's what's most important right now.

TEEN SHOULD CONTINUE EATING HEALTHY AND EXERCISING

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 13-year-old girl who needs help fast. I'm tall for my age and have a slender body. I take after my father, who is tall and skinny, and I don't like it one bit. I want to gain weight on my legs. I've tried eating a lot of junk food, but my legs still look like toothpicks. Help! — Candy, Cumberland, Md.

CANDY: There is no way you can add or lose weight in a certain area of the body. You gain or lose weight over your entire body. The best you can do is eat nutritious, well-balanced meals, get sufficient rest and exercise regularly. Eventually, you will come to appreciate being blessed with a tall, slender build, realizing how many women are envious of it. The skinny "duckling" that you believe yourself to be now will turn into a beautiful swan. I guarantee it.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: FRIDAY, JUNE 19, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen's Sister Must Stop Using Cocaine While Pregnant

DR. WALLACE: My sister is four months pregnant and is a cocaine user. My parents have talked to her about the fact that the baby could have serious problems, both physical and mental, if she continues to take cocaine. Maybe if she reads about pregnant women who use cocaine and the possible problems to the unborn baby, she just might wise up and get the help she needs. I know my sister would like to kick the habit. She has already told me. — Nameless, Newport Beach, Calif.

NAMELESS: I contacted the Center Recovery Services of Community Psychiatric Centers Hospital in Santa Ana, Calif., and presented your letter to the director. The information in the response follows:

Miscarriage or stillbirth may result from the use of cocaine or crack during the early months of pregnancy. Use at a later stage may cause premature labor or delivery. Sometimes, when the drug causes the placenta to separate early, the lives of both mother and baby are in danger from shock and bleeding.

Babies exposed to cocaine in the womb may be generally irritable and unresponsive, failing to cuddle or nurse well. Some of these babies have suffered strokes before birth or heart attacks following delivery. Infants born to mothers who use cocaine may have malformed kidneys and may be at increased risk of seizures or crib death (sudden infant death syndrome). Because nursing mothers can pass cocaine to their babies through breast milk, babies fed milk containing cocaine may be prone to suffer some of the same heart and brain problems as adults.

Recovery is possible for cocaine and crack users, although the long-lasting craving for these drugs makes addiction difficult to beat without assistance. There are many treatment programs available throughout the country to help people kick their habits and stay off cocaine and crack.

Whatever it takes to get your sister in for professional treatment — do it!

TEACH THE BOYS HOW TO FAST DANCE AT PARTIES

DR. WALLACE: Our parents allow my twin sister and me to have a party every month at our house. Both boys and girls are invited. My parents furnish the snacks and soft drinks.

One of the things the girls like to do is fast dance, but the boys don't know how. All they can do is slow dance, and they don't do that very well either. Once in a while a boy will try to fast dance, but quits after a few minutes because everyone laughs at him.

We like to include boys at our parties, but we want them to fast dance. Help! — The Twins, McAllen, Texas.

TWINS: First of all, I want to commend your parents for providing you and your friends with a place to have supervised, wholesome fun.

The best way to get the boys to fast dance is to teach them. Divide and conquer. For the next several parties, invite three or four boys and the same number of girls and teach the boys the basics. After these boys feel confident (it probably will take two or three lessons), invite another small group of boys for individualized dance instructions.

The time will be well-spent. In a few months, your parties will be so successful no one will want to turn off the music.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: SATURDAY, JUNE 20, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Even the Advice Columnist Sometimes Changes His Answer

DR. WALLACE: You give a lot of advice, but I'm sure that, being human, you sometimes make mistakes. Do you ever admit you were wrong and offer a better solution to a teen's problem? — Nameless, Brookhaven, Miss.

NAMELESS: I'll be the first to admit that I make mistakes. Sometimes my response to a teen is incomplete. Sometimes I'm just flat-out wrong. When my advice is for the birds, I don't hesitate to correct it in a future column.

For instance, I have reconsidered the advice I gave to Desiree about acting on the crush she has on her class president. I told her not to ask him out, and many readers weren't shy about telling me that I blew it. On reflection, I agreed with them.

Here are the particulars:

Desiree, of Burlington, Iowa, wrote that she was considered a nerd by her family. She was "skinny and flat-chested," had an acne problem and wore thick glasses. She said she has had a crush on the student body president — who also happens to be an excellent athlete — ever since they were in eighth grade together. Both are now seniors.

The boy recently broke up with his girlfriend and was now "fair game." Desiree, who has never gone out on a date, wanted to ask him out to a movie, and asked for my opinion. I told her not to ask him out because there was a high possibility she'd be turned down, and I was fearful the rejection would be extremely discouraging for her.

I should have said: Yes, pursue this guy with gusto! Nothing ventured; nothing gained. Your family may consider you to be a nerd, but you are a beautiful human being.

Let me share a few of the many letters from readers who advised me to change my answer:

— You certainly place outer beauty on a pedestal. Isn't inner beauty more important? Personally, I would much rather date a guy with a great personality than a guy with good looks. — K.L., Columbus, Ohio.

— Teenage girls need support. Oftentimes, they feel they are nerdy when, in fact, they are not. — J.K., San Rafael, Calif.

— Tell Desiree that if she checks the latest fashion magazine, the flat-chested look is in. A new hairstyle and a few new clothes could give her confidence and make her pretty. — R.W., Colorado Springs, Colo.

— I'm considered a "plain Jane" and my husband is the most handsome man in all of Texas, and we've got lots of good-looking guys down here. — T.M., San Antonio.

— This girl needed a boost, not a slam. Who is the person who determines what beauty is? — R.S., Hagerstown, Md.

— I hope you read "Beauty and the Beast." — C.P., Klamath Falls, Ore.

— I'm fat and ugly and I've got more hair on my legs than most men, but people tell me that I'm a beautiful human being. — A.B., Florence, Ala.

— I am considered a very good-looking Chinese boy. My girlfriend is a wonderful, thoughtful, sweet and kind Korean girl who is not considered attractive, and I love her very much. — C.C., Vancouver, Wash.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.