'Tween 12 and 20 by Dr. Robert Wallace

DR. WALLACE: My dad is in a large firm and one of his co-workers is his best friend. My parents and this other couple do a lot of things together socially. I'm 18 and not dating anyone at the moment. My dad's best friend has a 19-year-old son who is in his first year at Notre Dame University.

Well, wouldn't you know that my parents want me to go out with him — at least one time. I've seen this guy several times. He is very nice and not bad looking, but I would never see him as a guy I'd date. My parents think he's very handsome, highly intelligent and would be a good catch. I don't see it that way at all.

Last evening, he called and asked me to go to a movie and dinner. I told him thanks for the invitation, but I'd have to give him an answer in a week or so.

I'm really upset that my parents would put me in this position. What should I tell this guy? I don't want to go out with him. — Shelly, South Bend, Ind.

SHELLY: Yesterday my answer was, "Go out with the intention of having an enjoyable evening. Not every date needs to be about possible romance. Some dates are just about having fun."

Rarely do I change my response to such a question, but this time I did. Today my answer is, "Parents should not select dates for their children, and teens should never date someone they don't want to go out with."

Unless you had a change of heart since writing your letter, I'm sure you like my No. 2 response better than No. 1.

DON'T UPSET FIANCEE BY INVITING EX-GIRLFRIEND TO WEDDING

DR. WALLACE: Roxie and I have been dating for over a year and have set a wedding date in September. We met at a lecture on world religions, and for both of us it was love at first sight. A month after we started dating, we knew we'd get married. The time we have spent together has been the greatest imaginable. We're both 20, but we will be 21 when we become husband and wife.

Wedding plans are going smoothly except for one small glitch. When I was 16, I was going out with Lynn. When we started to get serious, we decided to break up because we were of different religions. Even though we stopped dating, we were still best friends and continued to talk to each other two or three times a week for a year. Lynn is a good person and a good friend, but we only talk about once a month now.

Let me set the record straight: I like Lynn as a friend, but I love Roxie with all of my heart. Roxie knows this and realizes that Lynn and I are just friends. The glitch is that I wanted to invite Lynn to our wedding, but Roxie is adamant that she doesn't want any of my ex-girlfriends to be there.

Needless to say, one of us will be a bit disappointed on our happy day. Who should that be? — Jeff, Kansas City, Mo.

JEFF: I asked my wife, Mona, to answer your question. Her advice to you is: The keyword in your letter is "adamant," meaning that Roxie feels very strongly about this. It would be unwise to upset a bride on her wedding day!

It also would be very unwise to disagree with Mona after I asked for her advice.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: TUESDAY, MAY 26, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Compulsive Overeating is Another Major Eating Disorder

DR. WALLACE: I recently read your column on anorexia nervosa and bulimia. You have done a great service by educating the public and sufferers about the psychological and physical problems involved. But, in that article, you did not include any reference to compulsive overeating, another eating disorder.

In this case, food is also the obsession; however, the victim overindulges in food, as does the bulimic. And contrary to the actions of the compulsively thin person suffering from anorexia, severe depression is also inherent.

There is more to overeating than gluttony. Sufferers use the temporary satisfaction from food to soothe their inner turmoil. Unfortunately, the turmoil is only heightened.

Overeaters far outnumber those suffering from bulimia and anorexia, just look around you. I am a compulsive overeater. I am very fortunate to have come to terms with the fact before I suffered complete emotional imbalance and obesity. I, too, have binged (wild binges like the bulimic) with the terrible fear of being out of control, and I have faced the consequences of weight gain, which continues to devastate self-image.

It is an exhausting fight, a vicious cycle — overeating, bingeing, dieting. It is not lack of willpower, but an obsession. I am a member of Overeaters Anonymous and have found that I am not alone. — Anonymous, Naples, Fla.

ANONYMOUS: Overeaters Anonymous is a marvelous nonprofit organization that cares about overeaters and does something positive to help. I have mentioned OA several times in the column and will continue to promote it. Those teens interested in OA should check their local telephone book for the nearest office. The organization is located throughout the United States and Canada.

AVOID LEAVING PERSONAL VALUABLES IN SCHOOL LOCKERS

DR. WALLACE: Lately, someone has been breaking into student lockers and stealing things. Sometimes I leave expensive items in my locker, and I would be very upset if they were stolen. But if they were, would the school be responsible to reimburse me for my losses? I think they should. — Maria, Anaheim, Calif.

MARIA: As a former high school principal in nearby Garden Grove, Calif., I have practical experience on this subject. My advice is not to leave your valuables in your locker.

The school district provides you with a locker that you can use or not — it's your decision. The district is not responsible for anything that winds up missing from the locker. In light of the fact that someone is breaking into lockers at your school, you should not consider this a safe storage place. Hold onto your valuables or leave them at home.

FLIRTING TEEN ISN'T READY TO MARRY HER BOYFRIEND

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and the guy I'm dating is 20. Sometimes I think I want him to be my husband, but other times I catch myself flirting with other guys when he's not around. Is this normal, or am I not yet ready to even consider marriage to this guy? — Nameless, Vicksburg, Miss.

NAMELESS: When you find your future husband, you won't want to flirt with any other guy.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: WEDNESDAY, MAY 27, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Age is Just a Number

DR. WALLACE: A bouquet of roses to you for your advice to the daughter who was upset that her mother's age on her driver's license was five years younger than it should have been. It was listed as 37 when she was actually 42. I'm very glad that you told the girl to keep Mom's secret quiet and not let the discrepancy bother her.

It was a funny joke in my family because my mother always said she and Jack Benny would always be 39. It's a pity that people put so much importance on a person's age, not on how they act or feel. None of us in my family really knew for sure how old our mother was, but we didn't care. She was always there for us; she took part in all our school activities, helped us plan our weddings and pitched in with our newborn babies.

When our mother passed away, we knew she wouldn't want her date of birth on her grave marker, so we put "Forever Young" on it, which she was to us, even though we knew she was close to 80 years old. She didn't look old nor did she act old. We admired her for this.

The young lady who wrote should not bother her head with such trivia. If her mother likes being 37, more power to her. The girl should admire her mother for trying to stay youthful and quit being concerned about nothing important. — Mother Who Has Forgotten Her Age, Lake Charles, La.

AGELESS MOTHER: I agree with you 100 percent. I plan to notify my state's Department of Motor Vehicles to correct the clerical error on my driver's license that lists my age as five years older. Shame on them for making this "despicable" error!

COUPLE SHOULD EMBRACE COMMON INTERESTS

DR. WALLACE: Zack and I have been going out for over a year. I love him very much and he loves me. We talk about the time when we will become husband and wife. We have almost everything in common. We both enjoy playing tennis, rooting for the Minnesota Vikings and eating Italian food. We also enjoy the same kind of music. Our only difference comes to our taste in movies. He likes action films while I like love stories.

My dear grandmother thinks our relationship will never last because she has the philosophy that "opposites attract." I'd like your opinion on this. — Laura, St. Paul, Minn.

LAURA: I'll have to take issue with a Grandmother — something I rarely do. She's only half right. Yes, opposites sometimes do attract, but points of commonality are what will turn that attraction into a marriage.

Your grandmother is assuming that having a lot in common with your mate will become boring and rob the relationship of mystery.

Enjoy your differences — and you'll discover plenty as you get to know each other — but remember that your shared interests are what will allow you to build a life together.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: THURSDAY, MAY 28, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs to Talk with Counselor About Family Stress

DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and live with my mom and two younger sisters. My mom thinks we're a normal family, but we're not. Since I'm the oldest, I have all the responsibility for my younger sisters. If anything goes wrong, I am blamed.

Last week, my 11-year-old sister fell and cut her knee and I got blamed for it. My 13-year-old sister didn't wash the dishes clean enough, and I got hollered at because I "should have supervised her more closely." I also have been grounded for the simplest things, such as putting a spoon in the fork drawer. This makes me terribly depressed.

I feel like asking my dad to take me, but he lives in another state and I don't want to leave my friends — they are the only ones who keep me sane. I've tried discussing how I feel with Mom, but she insists that I've got a problem, not her. Help! I'm not going to, but sometimes I feel like running away. — Patricia, Nashua, N.H.

PATRICIA: The burden of raising three daughters on her own has obviously put your mother under enormous stress, and she is transferring much of it onto you, the oldest child. I'm sure she doesn't realize how close you are to the breaking point.

Please talk to your school counselor or nurse as soon as possible — tomorrow, if you can — and ask to have Mom summoned to school for a conference. In most cases, a school professional will listen to both sides of a parent-child impasse and offer positive suggestions. Effective communication is always the key to ending stress at home.

TEEN SHOULD DECLINE EX-BOYFRIEND'S INVITATION

DR. WALLACE: Richard and I dated for six months, but we broke up by mutual agreement. Two weeks after we split, Richard started dating one of my acquaintances. We weren't great friends, but we did know each other. Even though they are not dating steadily, they are not seeing others.

Last week, Richard called and said he would like to go out with me again. I was glad he called because I wanted to go out with him, too. He asked me to go to his brother's wedding with him, and I accepted.

Last night, the girl he was dating (Carla) called me and begged me not to go out with Richard because she really cared for him. She was going to ask him to be her steady boyfriend soon.

I really felt sorry for her. I would feel like a jerk if I went to the wedding with Richard while Carla stayed at home. Would it be proper for me to break my date with Richard? I really don't want to go with him now. — Nameless, Memphis, Tenn.

NAMELESS: Yes, cancel the date — the sooner you do it, the better. Don't explain why. Just tell him something has come up that has changed your plans.

ANY TYPE OF TAN POINTS TO SKIN DAMAGE

DR. WALLACE: I want a beautiful tan so I plan to go to the beach a lot this summer. I will only stay in the sun about 45 minutes per day and use the best sunscreen on the market. I'm blond and fair-skinned, so I look like a ghost when I'm not tanned.

I know that overexposure to the sun can cause wrinkles later in life as well as skin cancer. Since it will take a long time to become bronze and I never get sunburned, I was wondering if there is anything wrong with my tanning plan. — Cindy, Jackson, Miss.

CINDY: A dark tan might look great, but unfortunately, there is no such thing as a safe tan, even with limited exposure and sunscreen. Any tan is an indication that sun damage has already occurred. You may want to try a sunless tanning lotion.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: FRIDAY, MAY 29, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Cousin's Behavior is Inappropriate and Must Be Stopped

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and have a 17-year-old brother. His best friend is our cousin who is also 17. This guy is my mother's sister's son. He spends a lot of time at our house and sometimes sleeps over because he's considered family.

Last night he slept over on the family-room couch. At about 3 a.m., he came into my bedroom and sat on the end of my bed. I woke up and asked him what he was doing. He said he had just broken up with his girlfriend and was really depressed. He needed somebody to talk with; he wanted to talk to me.

I told him I'd be glad to talk with him, but not at 3 a.m. I told him to go back to sleep. He continued talking about how much he trusted me and begged me to let him stay in my bedroom. I told him no, but instead of leaving, he tried to crawl in bed beside me. I told him to get out of my room immediately or I'd scream. He left, but not before he tried to kiss me. I was so afraid that I cried the rest of the night.

In the morning, he acted like nothing had happened. He talked to me just the way he always did. Now I don't know what to do. He's my cousin. I see him almost every day and he sleeps over at least once a week. But I'll never feel comfortable around him again. I should tell my mother about the incident, but I don't want to start a family feud. After all, he is my brother's closest friend. Help! — Nameless, Halifax, Nova Scotia.

NAMELESS: Tell your mother what happened immediately. It's up to her to make some decisions, including forbidding this cousin from ever sleeping over at your house again. Needless to say, never allow yourself to be alone with him — in any location.

I'm sure all of this will cause a certain amount of family conflict, but your cousin's unacceptable behavior must be addressed and curtailed.

STAY ACTIVE AND EXERCISE WHEN TRYING TO QUIT SMOKING

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and have been smoking for over five years. I'd really like to stop, but I don't want to gain any weight. My best friend quit smoking and gained 20 pounds in three months. I don't want that to happen to me. Why do people gain weight when they quit smoking? What can I do to make sure it wouldn't happen to me? I think I'd rather be thin and smoke than be smoke-free and 20 pounds overweight. — Erin, Las Vegas.

ERIN: It's common for an ex-smoker to gain weight. When smokers kick their habit, they often feel anxious and turn to another oral activity — eating. Hence, they put on a few pounds. This doesn't have to happen, however.

Stop smoking immediately, but to reduce nervousness and anxiety, exercise regularly and stay as active as possible. This will reduce the bulking-up effect. But even if you do put on a few pounds, this is a small price to pay. After you have gained your freedom from smoking, you can work on losing that extra weight. But first, quit smoking. Your body will thank you.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: SATURDAY, MAY 30, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Corporal Punishment Isn't the Answer For Disciplining Students

DR. WALLACE: I'm writing in response to the retired teacher who disagreed with you and believes in corporal punishment in schools. When I was in seventh grade, I got into trouble for the first and only time ever. I was an honor student. To avoid being suspended, so my abusive father wouldn't find out, I chose to be paddled. The vice principal hit me so hard that he knocked me to the other side of the room. I was left with a burning red welt. The pain was excruciating. I would hope no child would ever have to suffer this kind of violent physical abuse.

I feel sorry for all the children who were students in this teacher's class. Instead of respecting her, I'm sure they were terrified. Is this a good learning atmosphere? — Jim, Detroit.

JIM: You and I have the same philosophy about corporal punishment in school. But there are many who disagree with us. Please read on.

DR. WALLACE: I disagree with you and agree with the teacher who believes a good, old-fashioned spanking will improve the discipline in our schools. When I was in high school, students were spanked, paddled and had their knuckles rapped with a ruler when they caused a commotion. You knew if you messed up, you would suffer pain.

Today we regard it as wrong for children to feel pain. That's why our schools today are "killing fields." Now if a student doesn't bring a gun to school and kill someone, he or she's considered an all-right kid. All of this is caused because schools are afraid to use corporal punishment; they fear they'll get sued.

When I was a student, students were punished with the paddle if they ran in the halls, chewed gum or showed the slightest disrespect toward a teacher. Today, a student can cuss out a teacher and even threaten him or her, and nothing is done. If a student hits a teacher, the student will be suspended for a few days. All that means is that he or she can be out of school legally. That way he or she can make drug buys in the afternoon rather than at night. I've heard that some kids make so much money selling dope to other kids at school that they flunk intentionally so they won't be forced out of school by graduation.

That's what's wrong with our country these days. We allow our kids to run wild at school and in the streets. And if the law tries to clean up this juvenile mess, they're labeled pigs or sued by stupid parents. As the Good Book states: "Spare the rod and spoil the child." It's time we got back to the good old basics of education. As the song goes, "Reading and writing and 'rithmetic, taught to the tune of the hickory stick" ought to be the routine in schools. Bring back spanking to our schools and our country will be a safer place to live. — Earl, Athens, Ga.

EARL: Adults have the nasty habit of messing things up and then blaming it on the young people. Our country would be safer if family values replaced "keeping up with the Joneses."

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.