Teen's Parents Don't Want Daughter to Go Steady with a Boy by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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Teen's Parents Don't Want Daughter to Go Steady with a Boy

DR. WALLACE: I love my parents very much, but sometimes they can be very difficult. I am 17 and an only child. My twin sister died two days after she was born. This, I'm sure, has caused my parents to be doubly cautious while raising me.

First of all, I was not allowed to date until I was 16 1/2. Now, my parents have a rule that I can't date the same guy more than once a month. I also can't go steady, or even think about going steady, until my 19th birthday as long as I'm living at home.

Like I mentioned, I love my parents and they really have done a good job raising me. Mom buys every "How to Raise Your Child" book she can get her hands on. She is also a faithful reader of your column, so if I am fortunate enough to see my letter in the paper, Mom will also read it.

I feel the dating rule is totally unrealistic and not in tune with today's dating patterns — more in tune with the Dark Ages. I'm hoping that you will agree with me. — Cheryl, Moncton, New Brunswick.

CHERYL: It's obvious that your parents do not want you to get involved with a young man for a couple of years; they have devised a dating pattern that almost assures that you won't. I feel their insisting that you don't go steady until you're 19 is reasonable. Much too often teens get involved with one person — and one person only — and miss out on the opportunity to "play the field" and to enjoy the company and friendship of many. But limiting a dating partner to one date per month is a bit unrealistic. One date a week still falls in the conservative, but acceptable, range.

ADD COLORFUL BANDS TO MAKE BRACES MORE FUN

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 13-year-old girl who is considered pretty, but I do have one flaw: my teeth are crooked. My grandmother thinks that the time has come for them to get straightened. She even said that she would pay for the braces. I'm not sure that I want to be seen with braces. I think they look stupid and make a girl look ugly. Please give me your advice. — Nameless, Michigan City, Ind.

NAMELESS: Take grandma's generous offer! There was a time when girls thought braces on their teeth was socially unacceptable, but times have changed. The old silver "straight-jacket" look is gone, and stylish new colors are now in fashion for your smile. The elastics, the rubber bands used with braces, are now available in nearly every color of the rainbow from hot pink to apple green.

Since these bands are interchangeable, you can select them to coordinate with your outfit each day of the week. Or have fun for certain holidays — such as orange and black for Halloween, red and white for Valentine's Day or green and red for Christmas.

Brackets, the portion of the braces bonded directly to the teeth, also come in colors providing a colorful smile. Even retainers, the devices worn immediately following braces, may be ordered in the color of your choice from light pink to deep purple.

Why colored braces? Orthodontists want teens to feel more enthusiastic about wearing braces. How about wearing braces and removing them for special occasions? Removable braces are now available, and some high-profile celebrities (actors, singers, public speakers) are ordering them in order to take out while performing.

All this is wonderful news for teens that need braces.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, APRIL 21, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Former Drug User Warns Teens of Addiction and the Consequences

DR. WALLACE: My husband discovered a small pouch of marijuana in our 15-year-old son's bedroom. This shocked my husband and me to the core. We have punished our son and are working with a professional counselor to ensure that the son, whom we love so very much, becomes drug-free forever.

I am a faithful reader of your column and appreciate your efforts to help teens and their parents. You once printed a letter from a teen who started using marijuana and advanced to more potent drugs, paying for them by stealing. Eventually, he spent time in a rehab and is now drug-free. His message to fellow teens was to stay away from drugs.

Will you please reprint his message? I want our son to read it. It also will be a valuable message for all of your readers. — Mother, Sycamore, Ill.

MOTHER: This column is for you!

DR. WALLACE: I'm writing this letter hoping I can save teens from following in my footsteps. When I was 13, I started smoking marijuana. When I didn't have enough money to buy a joint, I got high sniffing air freshener.

At 14, I was introduced to PCP by one of my friends. Wow, did it turn me on! It made me feel like I was walking on air and that I could feel no pain. I took so much of it one night that I passed out. When I awoke, I was in the hospital emergency room. The first think I saw was my mother hovering over me with a worried look and crying. The doctor told me I was lucky to be alive. I promised myself I would never take drugs again.

I lived up to that promise for all of a month. Then I wound up going to a party and was unable to refuse a hit of PCP. I was hooked all over again. I knew enough not to overdose, but I used PCP frequently. Since drugs aren't cheap, I had to come up with money to support my habit. At first, I would steal money from my mother's purse. When she found out I was ripping her off, she left her spare money at her work.

My next moneymaking venture was to break into houses that I knew had no one at home. I stole money, jewelry and things that I could sell. I even broke into my teacher's house because I knew nobody was home.

My downfall came when I sold a camera to a buddy for $10 that turned out to be worth over $700. My buddy told his mother that I sold it to him. This led to me being busted by the police. I was sent to a lockup facility for teens called The Boot Camp.

Once there I finally came to the realization that my drug habit took away my freedom and my mother's trust and faith in me. My mother is a wonderful woman. She raised me alone since I was 7. That's when my father deserted us. We have never heard from him since the day he took off.

I am now 16, out of Boot Camp, and I report to a probation officer regularly. It's a good thing, because he has helped me stay crime- and drug-free. I've told my mother that from now on I'm going to make her proud of me. I'm back in school full time (a different school), and I don't hang around with my former friends. I go to church regularly and pray to the Good Lord every night to keep me clean. I'll make it, but I wish I hadn't taken the first puff of marijuana or sniffed air freshener. I thought it was cool.

But teens, DRUGS ARE NOT COOL; THEY RUIN LIVES! Don't ever get involved with drugs and if you're experimenting — STOP! If you become addicted, it could be too late. I know from experience. — Nameless, Riverside, Calif.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, APRIL 22, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Smoking Cigarettes Doesn't Always Lead to Drug Use

DR. WALLACE: Our science teacher told the class that smoking cigarettes leads to taking drugs. We had a big class discussion on the subject. The entire class disagreed, but the teacher said that we were wrong and that he was right. I went to our principal to complain, but he said that the teacher "must know what he is talking about because he is a very smart man."

I smoke cigarettes, my parents smoke cigarettes and so do my older sister and my best friend. None of us take drugs and don't plan to. How can teachers get away with telling lies? I thought they were supposed to tell the truth all the time? — Preston, St. Catharines, Ontario.

PRESTON: What your teacher should have said was that the great majority of drug users started out by smoking cigarettes, but that most people who smoke do not use drugs.

TEEN NEEDS TO GET RID OF LOSER BOYFRIEND

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and Caleb is 19. I met him at a party and we've been dating for about six months. Whenever Caleb is with me, he's really sweet and a total gentleman. But when he's not with me, he's a troublemaker.

Already I have found out that he's been in jail twice and arrested several times for semi-serious offenses. I discovered that he has two children by two different girls and doesn't pay any support money. I also found out that he beat his last girlfriend so bad that she had to be hospitalized, but he didn't get into trouble because she wouldn't press charges.

All of my friends are telling me to get rid of Caleb before he does something to me. Caleb admits everything, but says that he loves me and would never hurt me. I believe him. What should I do? I really do care for this guy, and when he is with me he's a sweetheart. — Nameless, Toledo, Ohio.

NAMELESS: Regardless of how Caleb treats you now, he is a good-for-nothing louse who should be locked up for a long time.

Get rid of him immediately, if not sooner.

This guy is a total loser and you have no future with him.

COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT FOR SUCCESS IN FAMILIES

DR. WALLACE: I'd be very appreciative if you would allow me to share my feelings about my mother with all your teen readers.

I'm 17 and my mom is my best friend. On top of that, she is the neatest person I know. We're very close and I can share my feelings with her. We're totally open with each other.

I'm very lucky that she allows me the freedom to be myself. Our love is built on mutual trust and respect. I just wish that every teen would have the same family relationship that I have.

Thanks for allowing me to share my feelings. — Lisa, Talladega, Ala.

LISA: Your letter made my day a lot brighter. Again, you proved that open communication is the key to a happy family!

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, APRIL 23, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

A Fashion Model Offers Tips to Aspiring Young Models

DR. WALLACE: Help! I'm in desperate need of an answer. It may not seem that important, but my future and career could depend on your help. I really want to become a model. I realize that it's a lot of hard work and not guaranteed that I will ever make it, but I want that opportunity.

My friends say that I'm attractive and have a good figure. I also have good modeling skills. I did some modeling for fashion shows in local department stores, so I have some experience. I'd like to start modeling in about a year and a half because I wear braces on my teeth right now.

Can you refer me to a successful modeling agency? — Nameless, Seattle.

NAMELESS: I spent an hour on the phone talking with a well-known American fashion model and put your question to her. She asked me not to mention her name because she wanted to be blunt, frank and honest, and she wanted to continue working regularly. Allow me to paraphrase what she said.

— Be careful of modeling or charm schools. Many are in business for the sole purpose of making money and will enroll any person who can afford the tuition.

— If you do select a modeling school, have your parents visit it with you. Ask to speak with students presently enrolled and, if possible, recent graduates.

— Whenever and wherever possible, model at department stores and local fashion shops and benefits, even if the pay is small.

— Have a professional photographer shoot photos that will best accent your positives and eliminate any negatives.

— Understand that there are more major-league baseball players than female models making a full-time living in the United States.

— Write to 25 top models and ask them how they got started in modeling. Include a self-addressed stamped envelope. Ten will write back and should provide some useful information. Do your research. All top models work for top agencies.

— Continue your education into college and, if possible, graduate school. Be strong in the arts: dance, music and drama.

— High-fashion models fit a mold as to bone structure, height and facial expression. If you don't fit the mold, you're overlooked.

— Modeling appears to be a glamorous vocation, but it takes a lot of hard work and much sacrifice to stay on top. Most models only look at ice cream. They never eat it, even the low-calorie stuff.

Go for it. The wonderful people that you will meet on your road to modeling far outnumber the sharks, skunks and rattlesnakes that litter the path to success. Learn to identify these varmints and avoid them whenever possible. If you must meet them face to face, carry a big stick and push them away when they hinder your progress.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, APRIL 24, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Be Careful When Swimming This Summer

TEENS: The time will soon be here to enjoy your summer vacation. Most of you will spend some time in the "old swimming hole" be it at the ocean, lake, river or a swimming pool.

A lifeguard from Newport Beach, Calif., sent me a few safety tips that should be reviewed and followed whenever a person is in or near the water. I'd like to share these tips with you:

1. If you're a weak swimmer or can't swim, never go into any water deeper than shoulder height.

2. Never swim alone regardless of how well you swim.

3. Don't swim right after eating a meal; wait for an hour.

4. Never plunge directly into very cold water. This may cause cramping.

5. Never dive into waters of unknown depth.

6. Stay out of water during a storm.

Unfortunately, more than 7,000 people drown annually in the United States and more than 1,000 drown in Canada. The sad part is that the majority of these deaths were avoidable.

TALK TO DAD ABOUT SPENDING MORE TIME TOGETHER

DR. WALLACE: I am very depressed. My father is getting married, and this is making me very nervous. Ever since my father announced that he was going to get married, he hasn't found enough time to even give me a hug. He has his fiance do it for him. He doesn't understand that I need attention. He doesn't have any time for me because he gives it all to his soon-to-be new kids and soon-to-be new wife. I hate it.

Please help me. I feel neglected. — Sally, Santa Fe, N.M.

SALLY: Many times parents are not aware that they are not paying enough attention to their children — they need to be reminded. If you haven't had a heart-to-heart talk with your father about your want for more of his attention, have one today.

Also, make sure he has the opportunity to read your letter. By talking with you and reading your letter, your father will get your message.

PARENTS NEED TO SERVE AS SEX ED TEACHERS

DR. WALLACE: My best friend's daughter became pregnant a few months ago. When her mother asked her why she didn't use a birth control method, she said that she thought she had. She said she took two aspirin tablets before she had sex. This 16-year-old girl actually believed she was "protected."

What's the matter with today's schools? Why can't they do an effective job of teaching kids the "facts of life"? — Mother, El Paso, Texas.

MOTHER: Most public schools do a very effective job when teaching the "facts." But some schools do a better job than others.

The most successful teachers regarding sex should be the parents, and the proper classroom needs to be the home. Unfortunately, many parents shirk this important responsibility, including your best friend.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, APRIL 25, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Should Avoid Trying to Date Former Teacher

DR. WALLACE: I'm a young woman, 20 years of age, and I live at home with my two younger sisters and my mother who divorced my father several years ago. Because my father mentally and physically abused my mother, my "growing up" years were miserable.

Because of all of our family troubles, I became a very shy person. Even though I am mature, I have never been on a date. When I was in junior high school, I had a crush on one of my teachers. He was very special to me. He was kind, considerate and very compassionate. He also was single. For the past six years, I have thought of him often. I've even seen him several times, but I couldn't bring myself to speak to him because of my shyness.

About two months ago, my sister saw this teacher in a shopping mall and he asked her how I was doing. This has really made me feel good — to know that after all these years he still remembered me. I had a friend of mine call the school to find out if this teacher had a wife — he didn't.

Now that I'm 20 and considered an adult, I was wondering if it would be considered proper for me to call him on the telephone and ask him out for a date. He is probably about 30 years old, so our age difference is 10 years. Is this difference too great?

What should I do? I stay at home a lot. — Allison, Hammond, Ind.

ALLISON: I would not encourage you to seek a date with a former teacher, and the age difference has nothing to do with it. There is an "unwritten" law among teachers that teachers should not date former students. Some teachers are idolized by their students; this form of emotion is often mistaken as a romantic interest.

Excellent teachers who are kind, compassionate and considerate are easy to like and to identify with, especially when the student suffers from family discord.

You should be enjoying the company of the opposite instead of staying home a lot. If you are active in the community, you will be in position to meet future dates. Visit your local library, take an interesting class sponsored by a local college or adult evening school, or volunteer at a hospital, child care center or nursing home. Get out and meet people. Make friends and enjoy life. Start today!

MOTHER EXPRESSES HER ANGER AT HUSBAND DURING DIVORCE

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 13-year-old boy and I happen to love both of my parents. The problem is that my parents don't love each other and keep saying they are going to get a divorce. My mom often gets mad at me and makes statements such as, "You're just as stubborn as your dad," or "You get your stupid behavior from your father." This makes me feel upset because I enjoy being like my dad; I don't think he is stubborn or stupid and neither am I. I'd like to hear what you have to say about this. — Ethan, Marysville, Calif.

ETHAN: Mom really doesn't mean what she is saying. It's just a way she can take out the frustration that builds inside her because of a troubled marriage. Don't show anger or argue with her when she makes these unwise statements. It will only make things tenser.

Remember that you are not the cause of your parents' problems, and you should not be drawn in to take sides in their discussions.