'Tween 12 and 20 by Dr. Robert Wallace

READERS: Much too often teens receive a "bad rap" because of the misguided actions of but a few. Gang violence, underage drinking, illegal drug use, promiscuous sexual activity and other negative actions by some teens make the evening TV and radio news broadcasts and the front pages of daily newspapers. It appears that those who select stories to print or to broadcast feel the "evils" of teenagers are more newsworthy than the many good deeds they perform.

I am an avid newspaper reader. When traveling, I always purchase and read the local newspaper. I enjoy newspapers because I can find out the latest happenings, both locally and nationally, when I have a spare hour.

On a recent return to California's Orange County, my newspaper of choice was the Orange County Register. The headline that day was, "Money Coming to Schools." Since I am a former high school teacher, basketball coach and principal in Orange County, I'm always interested in the local schools and articles about teens.

After reading about money going to schools to lower the number of teacher layoffs, I noticed another story on the front page that described a "Reluctant Hero." While doing his homework at home, 17-year-old Oscar Gutierrez heard screams. He rushed outside to find large flames in a neighbor's apartment. With a fire extinguisher in hand, he noted an elderly woman in a wheelchair and her husband in a room filling rapidly with smoke. The man was too frail to move his wife so the couple panicked, but Oscar went into action. With the aid of a passerby, Oscar strained to lower the wheelchair down 18 steps with the husband hanging on the back of the wheelchair.

The sheriff's deputies who secured the area knew Oscar. He played football at San Clemente High School. He has been accepted at three universities where he will study criminal justice this coming fall, thus becoming the first in the Gutierrez family to attend college.

Oscar's heroic fire rescue has not gone unnoticed. He has been praised at his high school as well as honored by a county supervisor, a California state legislator and the sheriff's department. But the best honor came from the woman and her husband who personally thanked him for saving their lives.

Does Oscar consider himself to be a hero? The way he sees it, anyone would have done the same thing.

My congratulations go to Oscar for his heroism and to the Orange County Register who gave the story front-page coverage, allowing its readers to discover that all teens are not misguided!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: TUESDAY, JUNE 2, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Cheating is Still Common in Classrooms Due to Lax Rules

DR. WALLACE: A lot of students at our high school cheat. I mean a lot, including honor students. I understand that it's important to receive good grades to impress parents and college entrance officials, but cheating only hurts the cheater. Still, I'm amazed at the number of cheaters at school. I guess they learned to cheat watching their suburban parents cheat on tax returns. — Bernie, Greenwich, Conn.

BERNIE: Every year, "Who's Who Among American High School Students" polls honor students across America on various issues — including cheating — to keep tabs on school trends. Of the 3,100 students surveyed, a whopping 83 percent said cheating is common in their schools (87 percent of the public school students said it was, along with 68 percent of the private school students). And 80 percent admitted that they have cheated themselves.

One of the prime reasons for cheating is the lax enforcement of rules by teachers. Ninety-five percent of school cheaters are never caught. Most teens have never had a discussion with their parents on why they shouldn't cheat. Indeed, most parents are unaware their own child might be cheating. In a survey of parents by "Who's Who," 74 percent said they didn't think their child would cheat — a figure belied by the students' survey.

This attitude of denial, on the part of both parents and teachers, gives students the license to continue cheating — hurting themselves and making a mockery of the education process. Cheaters are actually cheating themselves. Parental pressure to get good grades is the major reason why students cheat!

TEEN DIDN'T MAKE A MISTAKE BY INVITING ANOTHER GUY

DR. WALLACE: I got brave and invited a guy to a spring bash sponsored by our church. He said he would call me soon with his answer. A week went by and he hadn't called, so I assumed he wasn't interested. I invited another guy, who immediately said yes.

A day later, the first guy called, saying he had decided to go with me to the bash. When I told him I'd assumed he wasn't interested and invited another guy, he said it was wrong for me to assume and then hung up on me.

I never called him for an answer because he'd said he would call me soon. To me, that meant in a day or two, not a week. Besides, if I had called him again, it would have appeared I was desperate for a date, which wasn't the case at all.

Did I make a glaring social mistake by inviting a second guy before I had an answer from the first? When I invited guy No. 1, the bash was going to take place in 15 days. When I invited guy No. 2, the bash was only eight days away. — Melissa, Salt Lake City.

MELISSA: You did nothing socially wrong. Boy No. 1 was inconsiderate in waiting a week before calling you and even ruder in hanging up on you. If he's a gentleman, he'll call and offer you an apology. Sadly, I think we can "assume" that won't happen.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: WEDNESDAY, JUNE 3, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Give a Less Personal Gift to Possible Love Interest

DR. WALLACE: I've gone out with Jeremy three times. I enjoy being with him, but we are not going steady. For the time being, we are just going to date with the freedom to date others if we choose. Jeremy has a birthday coming up in three weeks. I don't want to seem pushy or overeager, but I'd like to give him a birthday gift.

My sister and mother think I shouldn't because we "don't know each other that well." It so happens that we will be going out that night. That was his decision. If he would have been given a birthday party, then my gift wouldn't have seemed so significant.

What should I do? — Jill, Dallas.

JILL: An inexpensive ($10 to $15) nonpersonal gift would be appropriate.

TALK TO FRIEND AND GIVE HER NEW IMAGE A CHANCE

DR. WALLACE: Charlene and I had been best friends for over five years. Eighteen months ago, she moved to California because her father, who is in the military, got stationed there. We missed each other and stayed in touch by mail and an occasional phone call.

Last week, she called and said her father was transferred back to Pensacola, Fla., and she'd be over to see me in an hour. I was happy my best friend had returned home. She kept her word and came over, but I was shocked when I saw her. She was wearing revealing clothes and had a ring hanging on both nose nostrils. I could also smell tobacco on her clothes. This wasn't the same Charlene who had moved a year and a half ago.

She stayed about an hour (it's a good thing my parents weren't home so they didn't see her), gave me her telephone number and asked me to call her. I haven't called her yet because I don't know if I want to be friends with the "new her." I should call her, but I don't know what to say. Help. — Surprised, Pensacola, Fla.

SURPRISED: Call and make a date to meet her somewhere so you can have a nice long chat. Find out what she has been doing for the past 18 months. Ask a lot of questions and be a good listener. At the end of the get-together, you will know if, deep down, she's the same old Charlene or someone new you don't know at all.

If you decide that she has indeed turned out a new, less likable, version of Charlene, continue to consider her a friend, but simply one you won't be seeing regularly.

TEEN NEEDS TO TELL PARENTS ABOUT BROTHER'S DRUG INTEREST

DR. WALLACE: What are "roofies" and are they legal? My brother and his friends are talking about getting some. Somehow I don't think they're legal. What effects do they have on humans? — Colleen, Normal, Okla.

COLLEEN: "Roofies" is the street name for Rohypnol, which is related to the sedative Valium but 10 times more potent. Roofies are illegal in the United States and Canada, but can be purchased with a prescription in Mexico, South America and Asia. The drug is highly addictive and extremely dangerous, according to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration. Roofies are also known as the "date rape drug." A female can lose consciousness, thus become sexually vulnerable when roofies are slipped into her drink.

Tell your parents immediately about the possibility of your brother buying this illegal drug. Don't delay!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers.

Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: THURSDAY, JUNE 4, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Former Cocaine User Warns Teens of Consequences from Addiction

DR. WALLACE: Our 19-year-old son has admitted to using cocaine "occasionally." I'm not a dumb parent. I'm well aware of cocaine's addictive powers. Several years ago, you printed a letter from a young woman who was addicted to cocaine. She kicked the habit and told teens about the drug's power.

Will you please run this letter again? I want my son, and all teens, to read it. — Mom, Atlanta.

MOM: The letter was written to me over two years ago and nothing has changed. Cocaine is a powerful addictive drug and one should never get involved in its human destruction. Please read on:

DR. WALLACE: I'd like to address my letter to all the people who think that doing drugs is cool. I'm 20 and a former cocaine addict. With the help of my priest and the good Lord, I've been clean for the past three months. With their help, I will remain drug-free for the rest of my life.

Last month, I enrolled in a local community college and I'm doing quite well. I love my classes and I've made a lot of "straight" friends. Because of the positive and permanent change in my life, I feel I must tell my story to all your teen readers.

Several years ago, I was dating a guy who was addicted to cocaine. All of my friends and family encouraged me to dump the guy, but I wouldn't listen because we were in love and I thought my love would cause him to give up his habit. What a joke!

Instead, he persuaded me to give cocaine a try, and if I didn't like it, I could stop using it. He convinced me that cocaine would provide me with the ultimate high, and if we both were high at the same time, it would bring us together to feel the ultimate love experience. Sadly, I believed him. On my second use of cocaine, I was hooked.

Within two months, I was stealing from my parents to support my cocaine habit. Soon after, I became an expert in shoplifting. Every evening I would hit the shopping malls, shoplifting things my boyfriend could sell for 20 cents on the dollar. When that didn't bring enough revenue to support our habits, we started burglarizing houses during the day. I would ring the doorbell. If someone answered the door, I'd ask to use the telephone because my car had broken down. If no one answered, my boyfriend would break in and take anything of value he could carry. After two months, we were busted. My boyfriend was sent to jail while I got probation, since it was my first offense.

While on cocaine, I was a skeleton. I should have weighed 125 pounds, but tipped the scales at a robust 90 pounds. I looked like death warmed over! I turned to my priest and he was wonderful. I now have a will to live and to be productive.

Teens, I'm 20 and sometimes I feel like I'm 40. I've already lived a full life of misery. Please take my advice and stay away from drugs! A life is too precious to waste. I know — I've been there. — Theresa, Ontario, Calif.

THERESA: No one knows it better than someone who has been there. Thanks for sharing part of your life to help our teen readers know the danger of cocaine.

Dr. Warren Wasiewski, a researcher at Milton Hershey Medical Center in Pennsylvania, warns that cocaine is so potent that just one hit taken by a pregnant female could cause the unborn baby to suffer a stroke, leading to birth defects and possibly death. Coke babies weigh less than normal, have smaller heads and sometimes suffer brain damage.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: FRIDAY, JUNE 5, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs to Ignore Grandmother's Annoying Comments

DR. WALLACE: About two years ago, my grandmother came to live with us after divorcing her second husband. Ever since she moved in, my life has been miserable.

Let me assure you, this grandmother is not typical. I'm 16, my mom is 33, and my grandmother is a fashionable 49 who looks 10 years younger. She wants to be introduced as my aunt. Even at home, she doesn't want to be called anything that will identify her as a grandmother. She wants to be called Nan. (Her name is Janice.)

She makes my life miserable because she dislikes everything I like. She hates my clothes, my makeup, hairstyle and choice of perfume. She finds fault with my choice of friends, both male and female, and even my pet. I have a cat and she loves dogs.

My mother is no help because Nan overpowers her. My dad is useless because, if he tries to help me, both of them jump on him. I try to ignore her, but that's hard to do.

I guess I could say that I love her, but I know for a fact that I would love her more if she didn't live with us. Let me put it another way: the farther away she lived, the more I would love her. — Nameless, Tupelo, Miss.

NAMELESS: It looks like grandmother, excuse me, "Aunt Nan," has burrowed in and will remain a "house guest" until she finds another husband, which might not be so soon.

I know it's aggravating to hear, but what Nan thinks of the way you live your life is none of her concern. As long as your parents approve, that's all that matters.

Don't ignore your Aunt Nan, but pay no attention to her comments. When she offers unsolicited advice, just smile and allow it to go "in one ear and out the other."

TEEN AND SIBLINGS SHOULD GET IN TOUCH WITH DAD

DR. WALLACE: I am 18 and have two younger sisters. The youngest is 15. Our parents were divorced when I was 9, and my dad remarried soon after. After he remarried, my sisters and I used to visit him every Saturday afternoon for about four hours. As time went by, the visitations dwindled to once every two weeks, once a month, once every two months and, finally, once a year.

In front of my dad, his new wife was very sweet and charming, but behind his back she was cruel and wicked. Even though our father lives about 20 miles away, my sisters and I haven't seen him for more than three years. We love him very much and can't understand why his wife won't allow him to see us. Our dad has a 3-year-old son, but we have never even seen him.

Why would a stepmother be so cruel as to deny her husband the pleasure of seeing his own flesh and blood? — Angie, Vicksburg, Miss.

ANGIE: The fault may or may not lie with your stepmother, but ultimately it was your father's responsibility to maintain his relationship with you — and bring your half-brother into your lives. When an adult fails to act responsibly, the children may have to take matters into their own hands and do what needs to be done.

Call Dad and try to set up a get-together. If you have an adult relative who might be able to persuade Dad to do right by his daughters, talk to that person first. It's important that contact is made.

Dad might be under the impression that his daughters don't want to see him.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: SATURDAY, JUNE 6, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Deserves Punishment for Drunken Driving

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and was recently convicted of driving under the influence of alcohol. I admit that I had a few beers, but I wasn't really drunk. In fact, when I got home, my parents couldn't even tell that I had been drinking.

Last week, I went before the judge. He gave me a $300 fine and suspended me from driving for three months. Don't you think I was unjustly punished because I was a teen? — Harvey, Halifax, Nova Scotia.

HARVEY: Canada has a tough law against driving under the influence. It is illegal to operate any type of motor vehicle, boat or aircraft while impaired by alcohol or drugs. The judge gave you the minimum sentence. I hope you learned your lesson. A second conviction results in a minimum 14-day jail sentence and loss of driving privileges for six months or longer.

I contacted the Department of Justice in Canada and was informed that alcohol or drugs are involved in three out of every four driver deaths in single-vehicle crashes, and nearly half of the drivers' deaths involving two or more vehicles.

Harvey, you were not punished because you are a teen, but because you were driving a motor vehicle after having a "few" beers. You deserved the punishment.

TEEN IS THANKFUL FOR LOVING PARENTS

DR. WALLACE: I am a 16-year-old girl and faithfully read your column. Many of your letters are from teens that have problems with their parents. Well, this has spurred me to write about my parents — not to complain, but to give praise.

I love and appreciate my parents with all my heart. They are absolutely the perfect parents. My father is an excellent provider for our family of six. My mother is a great homemaker, and both Mom and Dad constantly share their love with us kids. They have set down rules and regulations, but we kids are asked our opinions first.

They expect good grades, but do not put pressure on us. They allow us to pick our friends and welcome them into our home regardless of their background.

We have our spats, but they are quickly forgotten. I love you, Mom and Dad, and I hope someday to repay you for all the wonderful things you have done for your children. — Patty, Porterville, Calif.

PATTY: Great parents all have two things in common — wisdom and the ability to make their children know they are loved.

SMOKING CAN DECREASE A PERSON'S LIFE EXPECTANCY

DR. WALLACE: I smoke and so do my parents, who are in their 50s. Both have been smoking for nearly 40 years and neither has ever been ill because of smoking. My grandfather died of lung cancer, but no one in his family smoked except my dad, and he never smoked in the house. I believe that a person will die whenever his or her time comes, whether he or she smokes or not. — Nameless, Brunswick, Ga.

NAMELESS: The only thing wrong with your reasoning is that the smoker's time usually comes earlier than the nonsmoker's. Because lung cancer is difficult to detect early, it is very difficult to treat successfully, according to the American Cancer Society. That's why it is often fatal.

It's true that a person who has never smoked or been subjected to secondhand smoke can be afflicted with lung cancer, but if tobacco suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth, so would 83 percent of all lung cancer cases!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.