creators home
creators.com lifestyle web

Recently

Yearly, 7,000 Lives Are Saved DR. WALLACE: I'd like to know why we have a stupid law in the United States that requires a person to reach age 21 before legally consuming a drop of alcohol. I am a college freshman at Miami University in Florida and if I have a glass of wine at …Read more. Outside Lockers Save School Money DR. WALLACE: Lately, someone has been breaking into student lockers and stealing things. Sometimes I leave expensive things in my locker, and I would be very upset if they were stolen. But if they were, would the school be responsible to reimburse …Read more. Tell Your Friend the Bad News DR. WALLACE: My cousin Ted is going with my best friend, Karen, and I thought they were a great couple, but now I'm not so sure. I know she really is in love with him, and she thinks he loves her, too. Well, last Sunday, we had a big family reunion …Read more. Allow Your New Mom the Opportunity DR. WALLACE: We are 16-year-old twins and live with our dad. Our parents divorced, and our dad remarried. Now we have a new mother after not having one for four years. My dad never disciplined us, so we always got to do whatever we wanted. If my …Read more.
more articles

Keep Your Morals High

Share Comment

DR. WALLACE: My best friend and I have known each other for about seven years, and we're in the tenth grade. We both have boyfriends whom we love and adore. We confide in each other about almost everything. At times, we even tend to "over-share" some details about our relationships.

Recently, my best friend lost her virginity to her boyfriend. I am still a virgin and I plan to keep it that way for a while. My boyfriend is also a virgin, and I know he would like to have sex, but he respects my decision and doesn't pressure me to do anything.

The problem is that when my friend told me about her new experience, I developed, on some level, a type of competitive feeling. It's a type of feeling like, "Oh, everyone's doing it, so now I have to," like I have to "keep up" with my friend. And that's something I don't normally feel because I tend not to give in to peer pressure. But the other part of me knows I am not ready in the least.

Do you have any advice on how to eliminate this sense of rivalry with my friend? - Nameless, Madison, Wis.

NAMELESS: I've been writing this column for many years and I can tell you that premarital sex has caused more couples to end relationships rather than cause the relationship to grow stronger. I have thousands of letters in my files from females who lost their virginity and soon after, lost their boyfriends. Movies, television and even music lyrics like to make teens think that everyone is doing it. But surveys show that the majority of 16-year-old girls are still virgins.

Keep your morals high! You will be glad that you did later on.

ROMANTIC LOVE IS OFTEN BLIND

DR.

WALLACE: I have heard the word "love" used in so many different ways that I'm not sure I know the true meaning of love. Please define it for me. - Nameless, Cumberland, Md.

NAMELESS: I remember one of my college professors saying that love is a state of being and cannot be defined. If you asked 100 people the same question, it's likely you would receive 100 different responses.

One of the better definitions of love comes from the late author and lecturer, Dr. Haim Ginnott, who proclaimed, "Love is not just a feeling and passion. Love is a system of attitudes and a series of acts, which engender growth and enhance life for both lover and beloved.

"Romantic love is often blind: It acknowledges the strength, but does not see the weakness in the beloved. In contrast, mature love accepts the strength without rejecting the weakness. In mature love, neither boy nor girl tries to exploit or possess the other. Each belongs to himself.

"Such love gives the freedom to unfold and to become one's best self. Such love is also a commitment to stay in the relationship and attempt to work out difficulties even in times of anger and agony."

To this I say, Amen!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM


Comments

1 Comments | Post Comment
LW1 - This is not about morals. This is about being emotionally ready. You are not ready. Don't have sex to "keep up" with "everyone." That is not a mature attitude to sex. Losing your virginity is not a competition. If you want to eliminate the sense of rivalry with your friend, keep reminding yourself of this: it's not a competition.

Dr. Wallace, shame on you. You, essentially, told LW that her friend is immoral for having had sex. Most relationships between teenagers break up not because of sex or the lack of such, but because the people in the relationship are teenagers. Most teenage relationships do not survive into adulthood and do not result in stable long-term marriages.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Ariana
Tue Jan 3, 2012 10:55 PM
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right:  
Creators.com comments policy
More
Dr. Robert Wallace
May. `12
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
29 30 1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31 1 2
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month