'Tween 12 and 20 by Dr. Robert Wallace

DR. WALLACE: I've been reading your column regularly, and I want to thank you for some advice you recently gave. It helped me solve my own problem.

Kids at school used to tease me. This would get me mad and I would fight back by calling them names. This would only make them tease me more. Then I took your advice and walked away, tuned them out and kept my mouth shut. After three days of this behavior, they quit bugging me. In fact, one of the buggers is now my friend. Thanks again. — Nameless, Coos Bay, Ore.

NAMELESS: I'm glad to have played a part in your success story, but the credit all goes to you. Advice is fine, but taking it and making it work is the difficult part.

DEPRESSION IS NOT NORMAL

DR. WALLACE: I am an 18-year-old girl from a small town. I have had my share of good and bad times with my family, but no matter what my parents have always been loving and supportive of me. I have a wonderful boyfriend, and we are extremely happy together.

My problem is that I never feel good about myself. My parents and my boyfriend always tell me that I am wonderful, but I never feel pretty enough, smart enough or just plain good enough. Sometimes I get upset for no reason and cry when I don't even know why. I can usually go a week without feeling like this, but then one little thing will make me break down again.

I've told my parents and my boyfriend how I feel, but they think I am just exaggerating. I told them I thought I needed counseling or medication, and they just act like I'm silly and they tell me I'll get over it. Although it might go away for a week or two, I know it will be back. My grandmother had problems like this and my mother and aunt grapple experienced the same self-esteem issues, but they think it's normal. I tried to convince them that people should not have to feel this way, but they won't listen.

I need your advice. Am I just blowing things out of proportion, or should I really seek some help? If so, what would help? And how do I go about getting it, if my parents won't believe me? — Nameless, Pecos, Texas.

NAMELESS: You're not just being silly and I doubt if you're blowing things out of proportion. You're depressed.

Depression is a complex, life-undermining condition that has its grip on millions of people, but is hardly normal. I agree with you that people should not have to feel this way. I urge you to seek help.

Talk with a trusted adult, (for example, a teacher, counselor, family doctor or member of the clergy) and ask this person to talk with your mom and dad regarding your bouts of depression. A parent will often listen and follow up on advice from someone outside the family whom they trust and respect.

Make sure your mother reads your letter and my answer. Please write to me again in a few weeks and tell me what progress has been made.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Students Change Their Minds About Jobs

DR. WALLACE: I'm in the 12th grade and will be attending Texas Tech University in a year. I'm a good student (A- average) and I should do well at college.

My problem is that I don't know what to major in because I'm not sure what I want to do once I start working. My parents keep pressuring me to enter the field of law, but I'm not positive if I want to be a lawyer. Is it necessary to know what you want to do for employment before going to college? — Nameless, Austin, Texas.

NAMELESS: Very few entering college freshmen know what career they ultimately want to pursue, and even those who do usually wind up changing their minds. Part of the point of college is to learn enough to make an informed career choice.

Indeed, there is no need to rush this important decision. Flexibility, a keen interest in a range of subjects and broad general knowledge will serve you well no matter which profession you finally choose. What you need to do is get to know your own heart. What do you value? What kind of difference do you want to make in your life?

Trust me, with a college diploma in your hand, you will know what career path to take. I entered college hoping to work as a sales representative for a large successful company. I wound up teaching high school English and coaching varsity basketball, and I enjoyed my educational career.

DAD OVERREACTS FOR DAUGHTER BEING 15 MINUTES LATE

DR. WALLACE: The girl I was dating had an 11:45 p.m. weekend curfew. Last Saturday, she arrived home at midnight because she wanted something to eat after the movie. If we had gone to her house without a pit stop for food, we would have been to her house with time to spare.

When I walked her to the door, her father came out and blasted me verbally for bringing his daughter home after her curfew He wouldn't allow me to explain and told me I couldn't take his daughter out anymore. This really surprised me. I asked the girl to tell her father it was her fault, not mine, but she didn't say anything.

I realize I won't be dating this girl again, but I'd still like you to give me your thoughts on all of this. I think my date was more to blame than I was. Do you agree? I'm hoping you will because I want the two of them to see your response. If you agree with her father, I'll take full blame and stop feeling that I've been ripped off. — Ken, Nashua, N.H.

KEN: Your date's dad seriously overreacted to a minor infraction. If you had been an hour late, I could more easily understand his anger and unwillingness to listen to you. But 15 minutes is within apology range: "Oops, sorry. It won't happen again."

But Dad's temper was on too short a fuse. The fact that his daughter was unwilling to speak up on your behalf suggests she was afraid of him, which hardly seems healthy. Clearly, she should have explained what happened. It is called communication. Your mistake was being too nice of a guy and stopping for food for your hungry date when it was near her curfew.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Call Runaway Switchboard Now!

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old girl and I left home without my parents' permission because my stepfather was trying to sexually abuse me. I told my mother about his aggressive behavior, but she wouldn't believe me. She said I trying to destroy her third marriage to the only man she has ever loved.

I felt it better to leave home than to stay in a place where my mother calls me a liar and my stepfather has a mental problem. I am now in Florida, but I'm running low on money and have no way of getting any more. The only person I'm in contact with is my best friend. My mother has contacted the police, and I am now considered a delinquent runaway.

My girlfriend is encouraging me to contact the National Runaway Switchboard for help. Please give me their telephone number and please tell me what kind of help they can give me. Please help me. I'll be reading your column every day looking for your answer. — Nameless, Orlando, Fla.

NAMELESS: The toll-free U.S. number for the National Runaway Switchboard is 1-800-621-4000. You can call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The volunteer who answers your phone call will help you find food, shelter, medical assistance and any other necessity.

The volunteer will also contact anyone you would like to give a message to and let them know you are well, but will keep all information about your whereabouts confidential. The switchboard is a lifeline to teens in your position. I urge you to call them immediately.

And please be aware that you have rights and options. Your welfare is everyone's concern, and you deserve more in life than a choice between life on the streets or sexual abuse at home.

DON'T ABANDON YOUR BEST FRIEND

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and my best friend is 17. She is now seven months pregnant and is going to keep her baby. Her mother will take care of the baby when my friend returns to school.

My friend's older, married sister is having a baby shower for her, and I was sent an invitation. I want to go, but my parents won't let me. They think it's tacky that a baby shower is being held for an unwed mother-to-be. They say that a baby shower is meant to be a celebration, and my friend has nothing to celebrate.

The gifts will be for the baby, who doesn't care that his mother isn't married. I don't have a lot of extra money, but I do have enough to buy a nice present.

Do you think I should be permitted to attend this baby shower? After all, this girl is my best friend. — Kenesha, Hackensack, N.J.

KENESHA: Your friend is in a difficult situation and needs your love and support more than ever. Do whatever you can to comfort her now and help her as needed.

You're absolutely right about this baby whose birth is as worthy of celebration as every other baby's birth. My advice is to respect your parents' decision and bypass the shower if your parents won't change their minds. But, after the baby is born, go visit and bring a baby gift.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Parents: Giving Daughter Alcohol is a No-No!

DR. WALLACE: I would like to respectfully disagree with your response to the parents who wanted to start teaching their 18-year-old daughter how to drink responsibly by having her drink with them at home. You advised them not to introduce alcohol to her and then went on to list the "evils" of alcohol. This was nothing more than a "scare" tactic! Never once did you mention the positives of drinking alcohol, such as enjoying it with good food or having a drink to honor a celebration like at a Catholic Mass. And, finally, alcohol brings joy to the social drinker.

My parents taught me to drink responsibly, and I think it made the world of difference for me and my view of alcohol. My mother emigrated from Italy when she was 12 and wine was a big part of every meal in her family, for young and old alike. We were given a few tablespoons of wine with bread as an occasional snack, even as children. When I was in high school, we lived in Germany and my parents shared a beer with me every now and then.

When we returned to the States, I knew kids who drank exclusively to get drunk, but because beer and wine were not a big deal to me, I never felt the need to do the same. Even in college, I would have a beer or two maximum. This kept me from making mistakes that a lot of college girls made because of their drinking.

To this day, my husband and I drink responsibly. My parents set a wonderful example for me that I continue to try and set for my children.

I would like to add that your statement about breaking the law was not entirely true. There are some states that allow parents to give their children sips of alcohol, even in public restaurants.

I do want to stress that I am NOT advocating buying a keg for my high- school child and his friends and letting them go at it. However, I strongly believe that forbidding alcohol in any situation and demonizing it just makes it that much more appealing. — Nameless, Miami.

NAMELESS: I doubt if my negative views on consuming alcohol will encourage those who enjoy their habit to stop drinking. My goal is to keep young adults from starting this destructive habit. If they never start, they will never be responsible for the harm caused to families by those family members who consume alcohol. The list of evils connected with alcohol is too long to mention. Driving while under the influence of alcohol and the tragedy caused because the driver had "one too many" happens much too often. I will never encourage my teen readers to experiment with alcohol. The risk of becoming a serious drinker of this highly addictive liquid is just too great.

P.S.: I'm not aware that it is legal in some states for parents to give their children sips of alcohol. I also checked with a local Catholic priest who told me that if wine is issued in a service, underage church members are not permitted to partake.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Money or Passion?

DR. WALLACE: I am starting my senior year at Northern Illinois University and will soon be entering a very "confused" job market. Please give me your opinion on my troubling question. I realize jobs are really hard to find in this depressed job market, but I have faith, in time, it will return to normal.

What do you feel is more important: making a lot of money that gives the worker the opportunity to have a higher standard of living, or having a long career, such as teaching, if teaching is the worker's passion? — NIU Student, DeKalb, Ill.

NIU STUDENT: A recent Seventeen Magazine survey found that 63 percent would rather have an enjoyable career rather than a career that is "money driven." And since I am a former educator, I would have to be included in the "enjoyable career" group. My educational career began in Kirkland, Ill., and ended in Garden Grove, Calif., before writing this column for teens. Working with teens was "my passion," and NIU played a big part in giving me this opportunity by granting me a master's degree in education.

SYMPTOMS OF SUICIDE VICTIMS

DR. WALLACE: I really need your help and fast. What are the warning signs for teen suicide? One of my best school friends has been acting strange lately and I'm very worried about her, but I don't know what to do. — Nameless, Gary, Ind.

NAMELESS: The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry issued a statement describing symptoms common to suicide victims:

1. Noticeable change in eating and sleeping habits.

2. Withdrawal from friends and family and regular activities.

3. Persistent boredom.

4. A decline in the quality of schoolwork.

5. Violent or rebellious behavior.

6. Running away.

7. Drug and alcohol abuse.

8. Unusual neglect of personal appearance.

9. Difficulty concentrating.

10. Radical personality change.

11. Complaints about physical symptoms often related to emotions, such as stomachache, headache, fatigue, etc.

A teenager planning to commit suicide may also:

1. Give verbal "hints" with statements such as: "I won't be a problem for you much longer," "Nothing matters" or "It's no use."

2. Put his/her affairs in order — for example, give away favorite possessions: clean his/her room, throw things away, etc.

3. Become suddenly cheerful after a period of depression.

Teen suicide attempts frequently occur shortly after a loss of some kind. For example, the death of a family member or a friend, the divorce of parents, or the breakup with a steady friend can trigger an attempted suicide.

Contact your school counselor (or favorite teacher, nurse, administrator) and tell this person you suspect that your friend is a possible suicide candidate. This professional will know what positive action to take.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teens: Aids Prevention is Your Responsibility!

DR. WALLACE: I work at a public health drug clinic in Toronto. Some time ago, you printed a letter from a girl who had a boyfriend who was suffering from AIDS. The message was both poignant and informative. Is it possible to reprint the letter? I want to post it on our bulletin board so our visitors can get the message. — Registered Nurse, Ottawa, Ontario.

REGISTERED NURSE: I'm glad to cooperate. Getting the message to young adults gives me great pleasure.

DR. WALLACE: I am writing in response to one of your young reader's questions about the possibility of "Mother Nature" giving teens some special protection against AIDS. What you told her was very informative, and I feel strongly that everybody should understand that no one is protected from this disease unless they take responsibility to protect themselves!

My boyfriend was hospitalized two years ago for AIDS-related pneumonia. Since then, living with this disease has drastically changed his life. I watch him suffer every day, and his ups and downs are very frequent. I have grown to understand a lot more about this disease than I ever have before. I know there are a lot of people who don't know the facts, but no one should assume they are immune to this disease.

I feel that we need to start educating young people so they know the consequences of a sexually active life. Going through this experience with my boyfriend has ignited a tremendous desire in me to want to educate others. He is now devoting his efforts to speaking in high schools in the Toronto area. Beginning in the fall, he and I will be going to the colleges to inform people about this disease.

You see, I tested HIV-negative, and I am very thankful that he and I were smart enough to realize the potential danger of having unsafe sex. Condoms are what prevented me from becoming HIV-positive. I am extremely sad that he is now suffering.

It is important for anyone who is an IV drug user or who is sexually active to be tested. If they find out they have the virus that causes AIDS, they should get medical attention immediately. This will allow them more time to stay healthy, which will allow them to be here when a cure is found.

I am very proud of my boyfriend because, with all that he is going through — the physical, emotional and mental pain — he is determined to make a difference by devoting his time to educating high-school and college students. And I know he'll be able to make a big difference. I want all your readers to know that they can also help make a difference by just educating themselves. Once they know the facts, they can pass the vital facts on to others. — Nameless, Toronto, Ontario.

NAMELESS: You and your boyfriend are to be commended for getting the AIDS message out to young people. When it comes to this horrific disease, ignorance is not bliss.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM