I'm Tired of Getting His Notes by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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I'm Tired of Getting His Notes

DR. WALLACE: The boy who sits next to me in English is popular and is also a big flirt. Every day, he gives me a note asking me if I am a virgin. So far, all I've done is toss the note into the wastebasket after class. I'm getting tired of his notes. If I answer him, do you think he will stop pestering me? - Nameless, Newark, N.J.

NAMELESS: Don't answer his question. He has a lot of nerve to ask such a personal question. The answer is none of his business. No matter how you would answer his question, this guy would take it to the next level and start bombarding you with other questions you won't want to answer.

Don't accept a note if he hands it to you, and don't even look at it if he places it on your desk! Simply crumple it up and dispose of it after class.

HE COULD BE A GOOD HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETE

DR. WALLACE: My son is 13 and has always had difficulty learning. When he gets a C in a particular subject, my husband and I are happy. He has been tested many times for various learning disabilities, but the result is always the same. He has a below-average IQ.

Our son likes some of his classes, especially physical education. He's not good in math, but he is a good athlete. If he can keep his grades up, he will be a good basketball and football player once he is in high school. Lately, his math teacher has been pulling him out of physical education to make him study harder for math. I don't like this idea.

Do I have a legitimate gripe? - Mom, Indianapolis, Ind.

MOM: Yes, you do! Contact the principal and chances are that this unacceptable practice will stop. If it does not, make an appointment to speak with the district superintendent.

It's noble that your son's math teacher is interested in wanting your son to do better in math, but the help should not be at the expense of missing physical education.

PRACTICE THE HULA AT HOME

DR. WALLACE: I am the mother of a 13-year-old girl. In February, my husband is going to Hawaii for three days. He is going to inspect the pineapple crop. He works for a food processing company and the company said that I could go with my husband and they will pay my expenses. This is my dream — I've always wanted to visit Hawaii and learn to do the Hula.

My daughter doesn't want me to get a baby sitter for her. She says that she can take care of herself. I must admit that she is a mature young lady. Please give me your views on this and tell me what you recommend. - Mother, Sacramento, Calif.

MOTHER: Do not allow your daughter to remain home alone. If a baby sitter is out of the question, see if she can stay with a friend's family or with the family of a relative. If these options are not available, stay at home with her and practice the hula in the living room after dinner.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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3 Comments | Post Comment

LW1 - This is sexual harassment. First, do not answer the note. Second, tell your parents about the situation. Third, tell the boy that he is harassing you and he has to stop. If he does not, you will report him to the teacher/principal. Fourth, do report him to the school authorities if the harassment does not stop. Fifth, you wouldn't be, actually, flattered by the daily attention of a popular boy, would you? If you are, cut it out.

Dr. Wallace, if an adult woman wrote to you that a co-worker daily e-mails her, asking if she is a virgin, would you tell her to simply ignore the e-mails? Ignoring them is fine, but it is only the first step in dealing with sexual harassment. Girls are often taught to be passive in dealing with harassment, to either just ignore it or - worse - see the "attention" as flattering. You are reinforcing this kind of behavior.

LW2 - Agree with Dr. Wallace here.

LW3 - Why can't you take your daughter with you to Hawaii? I understand that this is in the middle of your daughter's semester, but most school districts in CA that I know of have policies for short-term absences for reasons other than illness. Discuss this with your daughter's teacher. If your concern is not that your daughter will be missing school, but that you want a three-day vacation without your child, get a grip. Your daughter is 13! She is still a child, no matter how "mature" she is for her age. In California, while there is no legal age limit on leaving children home alone, if your child is under 15, you can get into serious legal trouble for leaving them alone overnight, especially if something happens to them.

Comment: #1
Posted by: Ariana
Thu Jan 5, 2012 12:20 PM

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LW1: No, he won't stop if you answer him, and it's none of his business, anyway.

I don't believe this qualifies as true sexual harassment --it's in poor taste, yes, and annoying -- but a note a day from a guy regarded as a flirt in general, not so much sexual harassment in the legal sense of the term. Particularly since LW hasn't told him to stop it. This is not behavior worth reporting, IMO -- I'd do what Dr. Wallace suggested.

LW2: Yeah, you've got a legitimate gripe; it's fairly typical of the low regard most people have for physical education. (And we wonder why our adults grow up to be obese!) Tell the math teacher you appreciate the thought, but that your son will instead come in early or stay late -- as the teacher prefers -- to work on math. And then follow through with transport.222

LW3: It's not a question of her maturity, and you should tell her that. It's a question of the risk involved in placing a young person in a situation that could rapidly escalate beyond her experience and capability. What if she got violently ill? What if there were a fire or a break-in? What if she fell down the stairs?

You'd never forgive yourself for putting your child (she IS still a child, however intelligent or mature) in that kind of danger. Don't risk it. The babysitter isn't a good idea, IMO -- the better course is to have her stay with a school friend whose family you know and trust, or a relative, if one's nearby. We've done this for our kids' friends when they were 14 and 15; you pay them back by either watching their kids or giving the family something nice on your return.

Comment: #2
Posted by: hedgehog
Thu Jan 5, 2012 6:36 PM

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I can't believe the mother is considering leaving her 13 year old daughter alone. Even if she is mature for her age. . . .seriously?

Comment: #3
Posted by: capiscan
Sat Jan 7, 2012 7:45 AM

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I'm Tired of Getting His Notes

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