High School Students Receive a Well-Rounded Education by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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High School Students Receive a Well-Rounded Education

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and will be graduating from high school soon. I've enjoyed my school year. I've made many friends and have liked learning with most of my teachers. My only complaint is that schools teach things that most students will never use in their adult lives.

For example, I took physics and learned a bunch of formulas that I know I'll never use again. How about diagramming sentences or conjugating a verb? These things are useless, unless I go on to become an English teacher.

I studied a lot and maintained good grades because grades are important to employers. But like I say, if I become a legal secretary (my goal), most of the required classes in high school will not help me one bit. Maybe our school professionals should rethink the curriculum. — Cherise, Kingman, Ariz.

CHERISE: You're right and wrong at the same time. That is to say, progressive administrators are constantly rethinking school curricula, striving to provide their students with the best possible education. Ideas about what young people need to know are continually evolving; no core curriculum is flawless.

But one principle of education remains constant: It should be broad rather than narrow. Schools would do both their students and society itself a great disservice by slotting students into specific careers, such as "legal secretary," and teaching them only the requirements of that career. Such students would be helpless finding their way in the larger world.

I often hear young people complain that they'll never use geometry, geology or English literature after graduation, so why should they have to take it? My answer is that no one knows what knowledge he or she will ultimately find valuable in life — but very often it will be something gained in a required course.

The prime purpose of schools is to provide students with a general knowledge of many different subjects. A well-rounded education will enrich the student's understanding of his or her role as a citizen in a diverse and complicated world.

Good study habits provide a student with self-discipline and the ability to solve difficult challenges. Our brain is a complex organ capable of extraordinary feats. The more it's used, the better it functions.

You're to be congratulated for maintaining good grades, even though you weren't sure of the future value of every subject you took. I guarantee that, as you go along in life, you'll find yourself making use of a great deal of the course material you currently see as useless.

When I was a student at Emerson High School in Gary, Ind., we were assigned a weekly class called Classical Music. Unfortunately for me, we had to substitute a physical education class (my favorite) for classical music (ugh!).

It took time, but I now enjoy classical music, thanks to a dedicated Emerson teacher who told our class that someday we would learn to appreciate the William Tell Overture. She was 100 percent correct.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: TUESDAY, MAY 19, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Shouldn't Return to Druggie Ex-Boyfriend

DR. WALLACE: About a month ago, my boyfriend and I broke up because of his drug abuse (cocaine and marijuana). I tried to get him to stop using drugs, but he wouldn't listen to me. Finally, I told him to choose — drugs or me — and he picked drugs. Well, this past month without seeing him has been miserable to say the least. I miss him a lot and spend most of my spare time thinking about him. We are both 19.

I am now thinking about calling him and saying that I am willing to accept him just the way he is — as a drug user. I honestly believe I would be happier playing second fiddle to his drugs and being with him, rather than sitting at home wondering what he's doing and whom he's doing it with. Your opinion, please. — Evie, San Diego.

EVIE: Playing second fiddle to illegal drugs is a losing proposition. Don't renege. You absolutely made the right choice, and now you need to keep making it. Don't sit at home wondering what he's doing. Begin doing things with family and friends. Get involved in community activities or take courses at the local junior college. And by all means, start dating other guys again.

PEOPLE AT ANY AGE CAN LEARN TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT

DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and want to learn how to play the piano. My parents will pay for lessons (we have a piano), but my mom said she read in your column that starting piano lessons as a teen is a waste of time and money because it is too late. Did you say this? If so, why is it true? — Nameless, Plattsburgh, N.Y.

NAMELESS: Your mother leapt to the wrong conclusion from my column about piano lessons. Taking up a musical instrument is worth doing at any age; it will provide the learner with immense satisfaction and pleasure. Learning something new is never a waste of time or money.

What I said in my column was that most concert pianists took up the instrument when they were extremely young — at age 6, 5 or even 4 — when their brains were capable of absorbing the skills required to play piano at the highest level, making them second nature.

But there is no reason you can't take lessons now and become a very accomplished player. You just may have to forgo playing for the New York Symphony.

ALCOHOL ISN'T SLOWLY DIGESTED INTO STOMACH

DR. WALLACE: Why does it take such a short time to become tipsy after consuming three or four alcoholic drinks? Isn't alcohol digested slowly like any other food? After three mixed drinks in 30 minutes, I'm wasted! — Nameless, Newark, N.J.

NAMELESS: Alcohol is not slowly digested. About 25 percent passes immediately through the walls of the stomach directly into the bloodstream. The balance goes from the stomach to the small intestine, and from there it is absorbed into the blood.

I'm always amazed at the huge amounts of money people spend to make themselves tipsy, and eventually drunk. Yet, the amount of heartbreak caused by alcohol is so great it can never be measured. Alcohol is a powerful and highly addictive drug that has destroyed far too many lives.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: WEDNESDAY, MAY 20, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs to Contact Counselor about Depressed Friend

DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and so is my best friend. She used to be a very happy-go-lucky person, full of energy and loads of fun to be around. Now, she always seems sad and depressed. It's almost like she is a different person.

In the past three months, her parents divorced and her boyfriend broke up with her. Some days she will hardly talk to me. She has missed a lot of school lately, and I know her grades have dropped. When I talk to her about this, she either says that she doesn't care about her slipping grades or she doesn't want to talk about it.

I have two questions. First, please tell me the warning signs for potential suicide victims. Next, do you think I should tell her school counselor about the odd behavior of my friend? — Nameless, Birmingham, Ala.

NAMELESS: I'll answer your second question first. Yes, tell your friend's counselor immediately. Counselors are prepared to get help for teens suffering from depression.

Now to answer your first question: Suicide is now the third leading cause of death among young people age 15 to 24. Also, the suicide rate for teenagers has tripled over the past 30 years.

How can you tell if a teen is thinking about ending his or her life? The warning signs, according to Dr. James Comer, professor of child psychiatry at Yale University, include: noticeable change in eating and sleeping habits; withdrawal from friends and family and from regular activities; persistent boredom; decline in the quality of schoolwork; violent or rebellious behavior; running away; drug and alcohol abuse; unusual neglect of personal appearance; difficulty concentrating; radical personality change; complaints of physical symptoms, such as stomachaches, headaches and fatigue.

Comments such as, "I won't be a problem much longer" or "It's no use," may be verbal signs of suicidal thoughts. A teen who goes about putting his or her life in order, throwing or giving away favorite possessions or cleaning his or her room — if this is uncommon — could be considering suicide. A sudden forced cheerfulness after a period of depression is another danger sign.

Research indicates that young people who attempt suicide are more responsive to suggestion than adults are. The presence of examples or models also seems to be a factor. Thus, adolescents from families or in schools or groups in which suicide has occurred are more at risk.

Teen suicide often occurs after a loss, such as the death of a loved one, breakup with a girlfriend or boyfriend, or parental divorce.

When such conditions exist, it is particularly important that adults be alert to the warning signs.

THE INVITER PAYS FOR THE DATE

DR. WALLACE: If a girl asks a boy on a date, who should pay the expenses? My dad says the girl should pay, and my mom said that if the guy was a true gentleman, he would pay. What do you say? — Sarah, Willmar, Minn.

SARAH: The person who does the inviting should be the one who picks up the tab. It's not debatable!

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: THURSDAY, MAY 21, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Sisters Need a Disciplinary Parental Figure Like Their Stepmother

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old girl, and I got a new mother after not having one for seven years.

My dad never disciplined any of us kids. We did anything we wanted. If my sister and I wanted to spend the night at our boyfriends' houses, we could. In fact, we had our boyfriends spend the night at our house many times when my dad wasn't home. My sister and I were able to come and go, doing whatever we wanted.

Now that my dad is married again, things are changing. Our new mother makes us help around the house and tells us what to do. We had poor grades in school because our dad never made us study, and we didn't care. Our new mother is making us study — we don't like it.

I talked to my sister and we both would like to live with our real mother, who also has remarried, but we don't want to hurt our father because we love him. Please advise us. — Sisters, San Francisco.

SISTERS: The best thing that happened to both of you is getting a new mother. You're both well aware that your dad was doing a lousy job of rearing two teenage girls. In all my days, I've never heard of a parent who was that lax with discipline and control.

Moving in with your biological mom would not mean the return of a restriction-free life. Hopefully, she'd be as tough as your stepmother is on you. And if she gives you no more structure than your dad did before he remarried, no one wins — least of all, either of you girls.

You and your sister have had your way much too long and were headed down the wrong path. Now get with it and make something out of your lives! If given a chance, I think your new mom can really help and guide you both. Please allow her the opportunity.

COCAINE IS A HIGHLY ADDICTIVE DRUG

DR. WALLACE: What makes one drug addictive and not another? Do all people who use addictive drugs end up becoming addicted?

My boyfriend is starting to use cocaine, but he says he can control his use and won't become addicted. Is this possible? — Nameless, Cleveland.

NAMELESS: Simply stated, a drug is considered addictive when a user feels uncomfortable or unhappy without it. This discomfort can be either physical or psychological. Cocaine is an addictive drug and is so potent that, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, people have become hooked in as little as a month.

If a person uses cocaine three or four times a year, chances are he or she will not become addicted. If he or she uses it three or four times a week, he or she will. Do you know a smoker, who smokes on a regular basis, who is not addicted to nicotine? I don't think so.

Once a person becomes addicted to a certain drug, if he or she doesn't get that drug, he or she experiences withdrawal symptoms. That means the body or mind is distressed without the drug and demands to have it. These powerful symptoms cause the user to become irritable, lose energy and motivation, suffer severe depression and, in some cases, suffer acute physical discomfort. Your boyfriend risks plunging himself into a living nightmare.

If he still has the power to stop using cocaine but chooses not to, then leave him and go on with your life. Don't look back!

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: FRIDAY, MAY 22, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen's Boyfriend Could be Trying to Make Her Jealous

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months. I now have a job after school, so Jimmy can't walk me home anymore. Recently, he told me that he met a girl new to our school, and now he's walking her home. He said that he told her about us and she is just a friend. At first it didn't bother me, but now I'm starting to worry that she will steal him away from me.

What should I do? I can't do my job properly thinking about it. He said he still wants me to be his girlfriend. — Fran, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario

FRAN: If he tells you he is continuing to walk this girl home, tell him that you really aren't interested in hearing about it. Tell him you trust him — there is nothing for you to be concerned about. I think Jimmy likes you and is a bit upset that he can no longer walk you home, so he is trying to get you a little jealous.

Don't fall for it. If you told him you were breaking up with him, he'd whimper like a puppy. If you don't believe me, give it a try.

TEEN SHOULD NOT BLAME HERSELF FOR DIVORCE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and an only child. Ever since I can remember, my parents have disliked each other. They're rarely happy at the same time and always argue, even about the smallest things. Now that I'm dating, they disagree on a fair curfew. They also differ on a lot of things that I do, such as playing athletics.

Last week, my father moved out of the house because my parents are getting divorced. This really shocked me. It caught me off-guard. I talked to my mom about the divorce, and all she said was, "I should have divorced him years ago."

When I talked with my father, he said that he was sorry for hurting me, that he loves me very much, and that I actually kept him from leaving my mother years ago.

Since they have been arguing about issues concerning me lately, I feel guilty that, because of me, my parents are going to split. I really feel terrible. What can I do to get this guilty feeling to disappear? I do love my mother and father very much. — Nameless, Michigan City, Ind.

NAMELESS: Divorce is never, ever, the fault of the children! Please be aware of this as you adjust to the loss of your father's presence at home as well as the other wrenching changes. Mom and Dad simply couldn't get along and the family, finally, had to break apart. Sometimes that's how it works out.

There's never a good time for divorce; it's always traumatic for everyone in the family. But wounds heal and eventually living arrangements find a new normalcy. Do not take sides as a result of the split. Love both parents equally. They both will need your love and support now more than ever.

When you feel guilty, remind yourself that it's not your fault. Know that Mom and Dad both love you and still want the best for you, even though they're not under the same roof.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE: SATURDAY, MAY 23, 2009, AND THEREAFTER

Teen and Her Boyfriend Want to Quit Addictions Together

DR. WALLACE: I smoke and my boyfriend enjoys alcohol quite often. We both have said that we wish we weren't addicted to the substances, and if one stopped using, the other would follow. But, so far, we continue to be slaves to our addictions. At least we admit that we are addicted and want to quit, not like the millions of others who have similar habits but say that they could stop using at any time.

Could you tell us whether alcohol or tobacco is more addictive? If it's tobacco, my boyfriend will start our "let's be clean" lifestyle. If it's alcohol, I'll be the one to "stop the habit." I know this is an unusual way to "kick" the habit, but we are sure it will be successful. — Nameless

NAMELESS: The first step in overcoming an addiction is to admit that an addiction exists. You both are on your way to a new lifestyle. But as you are both aware, the road to success will be full of potholes and a few detours.

According to the Federal Drug Administration, on a scale of 1 to 100 of addictive substances, tobacco (nicotine) was a perfect 100, followed by crack cocaine, 97.6; alcohol, 81.9; heroin, 81.5; cocaine, 73.1; and caffeine, 72.

That means your boyfriend will have to get the ball rolling. Since alcohol addiction can never be eliminated, those who are addicted can be sober for life if they abstain from alcoholic beverages. I would encourage your boyfriend to become active in Alcoholics Anonymous. This self-help group will offer support and advice that will be invaluable.

Contact me in a month and let me know how you both are doing. I'm sure our readers would like to hear about your successful trip.

SNOOPING ISN'T NECESSARY FOR TRUSTWORTHY TEENS

DR. WALLACE: I'm tired of your "parents shouldn't snoop" philosophy. My daughter is straight as an arrow because I snoop, and she knows it. I really don't think I'll ever find anything bad; I call snooping "preventive medicine."

My daughter is physically and mentally healthy because I take the time to snoop. If more parents would take the time to spy, we would have a lot fewer juvenile delinquents. — Snoopy Mother, Orlando, Fla.

MOTHER: I receive many letters from both parents and teens on the merits of snooping. There comes a time when spying is necessary: when a teen violates parental trust or when his or her behavior warrants stringent supervision.

But snooping for its own sake often causes a strong confrontation between parent and child, leaving the child feeling betrayed. A teen's privacy is important. Parents who have honest and open communication with their children are unlikely to feel the need to snoop.

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'Tween 12 and 20 by Dr. Robert Wallace

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High School Students Receive a Well-Rounded Education

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